Tackfully tell family member to stop bringing lousy food to potlucks

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
All I care about is whether the food is good, OP. In my experience, people are usually such bad cooks that bringing grocery store or restaurant food will yield the same result: the crispy things will be soggy, everything will be too fat, too salty or too sweet.

Now perhaps you *meant* to say that her food was awful, while the rest was delicious home-made fare. In that case, you have my sympathies, but also a question: if no one eats her food, hasn't she got the message yet? Or maybe this poor relative is incapable of cooking, and just wants to contribute. Perhaps then you should just thank her and be nice.

People do eat it, but I'm sure it is only to be polite. My mother spent a long time making three quiches and was hurt that those didn't get "sympathy" eaten like the waffles. Everyone says her food is "fun" or better than they could make at home.

Well, a waffle bar sounds way more fun than quiches. So does the egg rolls!

You should be providing the food for your guests since you are so uptight about it. How tacky of you to ask people to provide the food for your own party!

[Anonymous]

No one in my immediate family would touch quiche. We just aren't fans. I can also be petty AF and if I knew OP I would make sure not to eat her and her mom's food and eat the relatives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No one in my immediate family would touch quiche. We just aren't fans. I can also be petty AF and if I knew OP I would make sure not to eat her and her mom's food and eat the relatives.

I had to laugh out loud at this. Apostrophes and knowing when to use them are your friend...

You would eat the relatives--cooked? Raw? All of the relatives? Only some of them? Wouldn't you miss them?

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm just curious what kind of praise you think she is going to get? If someone brought cooked shrimp, old bay, and cocktail sauce, I'd assume she picked it all up - not that she made any part of it. And I'd love it more than the cornbread or baked beans or whatever. You think she's tricking everyone into thinking she hand-made her dishes? EVERYONE KNOWS she bought it and they all still love it and compliment her for her choice.

I am awful at cooking. I hate it and don't like it. Whenever there is a potluck where there are assigned foods - I always opt for the paper plates, cups, napkins, etc. If there are no assignments, I do what your family member does. And it's NOT cheap. I spend a whole lot more money than I would making something in my kitchen, but I would never subject others to that so I suck it up, spend the $$ and bring something I think most people would enjoy.

[Anonymous]

I think the relative's food (e.g. bisque and waffle bar) sounds amazing. Who cares if she didn't cook it herself?

Sounds like you want her to put in the appropriate work for the event, which is dumb.

If presentation is your issue, bring some extra platters to make it look nicer. Done.

Alternative two: stop with the potlucks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you mean TACTFULLY? Because I don't know what tackfully means.

Oh I don't know... saying anything to the family member will, indeed, by full of TACKY

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP. Yes, a typo. The issue is she isn't putting any real effort. She is picking up stuff from a store or restaurant. Everyone else is taking the time to cook food and plate it. She literally stops on her way over. Can't even put on a real platter or bowl. She agrees to bring items but can't bother to make things. Her own family is only worth a quick stop at the grocery store.The rest of the family says how good the soup is or such but they are only being nice. It is so dismissive of her. She eats everyone else's real food.

This HAS to be a troll.

WTF is a "real platter"? Who care where she bought it from? Frankly, I'd rather bring food to events on things I am find disposing of so that I don't have to worry about collecting dishes afterwards. As the hostess, you should be happy that you don't have to follow up with people to come claim their things and you can just throw away her platter when the party is over.

She literally brought food with toppings and serving ware. For the life of me I cannot understand why you are upset about this. And I am a total Type A food snob!

Finally, have the other family members told you they are just being nice, or are you assuming that? I think you're assuming it and you're annoyed that people like the food she picks up better than the food you make. Please don't ever invite me to one of your potlucks, but I'll go to hers!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
All I care about is whether the food is good, OP. In my experience, people are usually such bad cooks that bringing grocery store or restaurant food will yield the same result: the crispy things will be soggy, everything will be too fat, too salty or too sweet.

Now perhaps you *meant* to say that her food was awful, while the rest was delicious home-made fare. In that case, you have my sympathies, but also a question: if no one eats her food, hasn't she got the message yet? Or maybe this poor relative is incapable of cooking, and just wants to contribute. Perhaps then you should just thank her and be nice.

People do eat it, but I'm sure it is only to be polite. My mother spent a long time making three quiches and was hurt that those didn't get "sympathy" eaten like the waffles. Everyone says her food is "fun" or better than they could make at home.

Unless everyone at the party eats ALL THE FOOD just to be polite, you're wrong here. Sounds like your mom's quiches sucked.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a person who usually makes something from scratch for potlucks, but I am in love with the take-out waffle idea and totally doing that next time. Genius.

+1000

This woman is a genius!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom is amazing she never once - not once talked about how great a cook she is, or even suggested how to make something, or even commented at all about anyone's food. Friends and family and acquaintances rave about my mom's food, and always have. She has always been humble about her talents.

MIL goes on about the quantity of food being served - how something is "too much!", "enough for an army!", "I could never eat all of this!!" "I certainly don't have room in my (empty) fridge for this!!" or (mysteriously) "just the right amount!" every single time - like a strange ritual. It would make a great drinking game!

Point being, some people have strange hang ups about food. Try to be gracious, OP.

OMG, I could have written this!

My MIL would always say things like "you shouldn't have gone to all this trouble" when I'd make the same thing our family would normally eat, just more of it. Or when I'd ask what salad dressing people wanted, for example, she would say "oh, I don't want to be high maintenance, don't make such a thing of it, whatever is fine" but I had given her three options and wanted to know which one to bring to the table. Or if we were bringing drinks down to the beach and I'd ask what she'd want "oh, any old thing" so now I have to decide what to bring you instead of you just telling me which choice you wanted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one in my immediate family would touch quiche. We just aren't fans. I can also be petty AF and if I knew OP I would make sure not to eat her and her mom's food and eat the relatives.

I had to laugh out loud at this. Apostrophes and knowing when to use them are your friend...

You would eat the relatives--cooked? Raw? All of the relatives? Only some of them? Wouldn't you miss them?

This made me think of let's eat, Grandma versus lets eat Grandma. Commas save lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom is amazing she never once - not once talked about how great a cook she is, or even suggested how to make something, or even commented at all about anyone's food. Friends and family and acquaintances rave about my mom's food, and always have. She has always been humble about her talents.

MIL goes on about the quantity of food being served - how something is "too much!", "enough for an army!", "I could never eat all of this!!" "I certainly don't have room in my (empty) fridge for this!!" or (mysteriously) "just the right amount!" every single time - like a strange ritual. It would make a great drinking game!

Point being, some people have strange hang ups about food. Try to be gracious, OP.

OMG, I could have written this!

My MIL would always say things like "you shouldn't have gone to all this trouble" when I'd make the same thing our family would normally eat, just more of it. Or when I'd ask what salad dressing people wanted, for example, she would say "oh, I don't want to be high maintenance, don't make such a thing of it, whatever is fine" but I had given her three options and wanted to know which one to bring to the table. Or if we were bringing drinks down to the beach and I'd ask what she'd want "oh, any old thing" so now I have to decide what to bring you instead of you just telling me which choice you wanted.

+1

PP here. Agree! Why all the MIL theatrics about food?! Like clock work. I guess I am spoiled, because my mom makes everything look easy. No need to comment on the amount of food every. freaking. time. Eat it or don't, I really don't care. No one is taking notes or commending you for eating less - there will be no parade for the one who ate the least. If you notice how much people eat (MIL I am talking to you), maybe you should get professional help about your food hang ups.

This kind of bizarre behavior is about control, not about the food. To my mom, food is part of the celebration, and not one person notices how much or who is taking what. The more the merrier, in every regard. Good cooks tend to know they are good cooks, and take pride in their creations - but I have never once heard a good cook go on about their food, one way or the other.

My friend told me a funny story about when she was pregnant and went on a beach holiday with her food challenged ILs. Apparently, the friend literally had no food, because they family ate it like vultures. Now, friend (who is no longer pregnant), is sure to eat as much as she wants when she is with them, because she knows how petty they are. She is damned if she does and damned if she doesn't, so she just keeps eating. She's not even a big person, but her ILs have such big food hang ups, that friend and her DH make a game of it.

[Anonymous]

On the offhand chance OP isn’t a troll, I am betting she is jealous of this woman’s wealth. Fresh seafood steamed at the store and professionally made and jarred cocktail sauce are going to be MUCH better quality than the homemade versions, but also more expensive. If your mother cared about the quality of her cornbread, she would buy the slices at Whole Foods for $5 a pop, or even better, from a local BBQ restaurant. But I’m guessing OP is poor so she can’t afford anything ready made and has to serve the poor, gross, homemade substitute. Is that the issue OP?? You’re broke and jealous?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you mean TACTFULLY? Because I don't know what tackfully means.

This. 😂

[Anonymous]

This thread went WAY left for the OP! I hope she comes back with an update on how things turned out this past weekend.