What kind of wedding registry do you secretly judge?

[Anonymous]

In many cultures it is custom to give cash, so I personally don’t blink if there’s a honeymoon fund. I almost always just write a check to the couple regardless of their registry.

[Anonymous]

What about something like this:
https://www.withclarity.com/blog/2023/02/23/charity-wedding-registry-everything-you-need-to-know/

Basically you register with a charity / charities.

We really don't need any traditional gifts but if we don't register at all, it seems like people view it as a cash grab. So, is registering for a charity acceptable?

[Anonymous]

I’m going to a wedding later this summer and on the wedding website was asked that in lieu of a gift, the couple would like guests to contribute funds for their honeymoon/so they can make improvements to their house. Keep in mind the couple is in their thirties and both work full-time. I find this incredibly, incredibly tacky and tasteless.

[Anonymous]

Most things I don't judge as long as you have a range of prices so nobody feels like they can't afford to get a gift. I am surprised when trust fund babies want cash, fancy trips funded and massages on the fancy trips and all sorts of fancy gadgets they can afford, yet often those who earned their fortune on their own are classy enough to only ask that you consider giving to one of your or their favorite charities. For those who are middle class or struggling I think anything is fine and they often seem to be the most reasonable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I judge people who register at WalMart, or like. Gus' Guns and Lube or somewhere super trashy. I also judge people who only register for expensive things. Your public school teacher friends and bartender friends want to get you a gift too!

I don’t just the cheaper registries like Walmart etc because I think the people are practical. I’ve never seen a trashy Guns and Lube place on a registry…

I judge the ones that only have very expensive items that likely won’t be used for very long. Do you really need $500 salt and pepper shakers? I also judge the people who register for pet supplies. I get that Fluffy is basically your kid but this is a wedding shower, not a dog shower. I’m looking at you, my cousin!

[Anonymous]

I don’t understand why giving cash or a honeymoon experience is tacky. It’s okay for people to buy a vase or gravy boat that will go unused, but not to contribute to an experience?

[Anonymous]

As long as I can contribute online, I am fine. Money, gift, blessings.

[Anonymous]

Any registry with Disney-related items on it! It's your wedding, not your 5th birthday party.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m going to a wedding later this summer and on the wedding website was asked that in lieu of a gift, the couple would like guests to contribute funds for their honeymoon/so they can make improvements to their house. Keep in mind the couple is in their thirties and both work full-time. I find this incredibly, incredibly tacky and tasteless.

Well, we did this. I guess I find the whole wedding and general gifting culture gross and I would have rather done something with the actual home I live in rather than get some vases that would never be used. I buy many of my things secondhand which I’m sure is considered gauche by you but ultimately I care more about my contribution to making my wedding hoopla as sustainable as I could.

[Anonymous]

I can't imagine being the kind of person whose heart is so small that they see it in themselves to pass judgement on a couple celebrating their love.

If I see a couple that has set up a registry in a way that is different to my norms, I assume there's a cultural difference in play, and that it's just that I don't understand where they are coming from.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m going to a wedding later this summer and on the wedding website was asked that in lieu of a gift, the couple would like guests to contribute funds for their honeymoon/so they can make improvements to their house. Keep in mind the couple is in their thirties and both work full-time. I find this incredibly, incredibly tacky and tasteless.

Well, we did this. I guess I find the whole wedding and general gifting culture gross and I would have rather done something with the actual home I live in rather than get some vases that would never be used. I buy many of my things secondhand which I’m sure is considered gauche by you but ultimately I care more about my contribution to making my wedding hoopla as sustainable as I could.

I’m PP you’re responding to, and I understand the utility and universality of cash, but still find the actual asking a bit tacky. Did you have a page on your wedding website that explicit asked for money, or was it implied (eg no registry?). I think it’s the asking that bothers me. Most people give cash/a check anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds totally fine but I wouldn’t hesitate to add cash funds either. Some on dcum will say they are rude/trashy but they are the norm — I’m 32 and literally all weddings I’ve been to of people in my age group the past few years have had them.

I'm the OP, and while I completely get it, I assume that people who don't want to buy off the registry / don't see anything in their price range left, etc. will just give cash anyways.

Exactly - asking for cash is trashy and you will receive many checks anyway. No need to “register” for it. The honeymoons are the worst. It spoils the illusion that you are helping a young couple get started in life when they ask for money for the Maldives…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In many cultures it is custom to give cash, so I personally don’t blink if there’s a honeymoon fund. I almost always just write a check to the couple regardless of their registry.

X100000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can't imagine being the kind of person whose heart is so small that they see it in themselves to pass judgement on a couple celebrating their love.

If I see a couple that has set up a registry in a way that is different to my norms, I assume there's a cultural difference in play, and that it's just that I don't understand where they are coming from.

+1

Because you arr a grown up.

[Anonymous]

I wonder if/when we will ever get to a place where everyone simply gives cash as wedding gifts?

Having said that, I suppose you need actual wrapped gifts at a shower and a registry makes it easy—unless you come up with some theme for the shower.

So much easier when it comes to baby showers and you can just buy adorable clothing.