Sister is getting divorced, no money and no job
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
+1 I would send clothes for kids. That’s it. |
Anonymous
| I would only give money gif things like kids’ fiend trips |
Anonymous
OP, as you said, the hard part is her kids. My sister is in a similar situation and my parents have spent many, many dollars on supporting her. They say it’s solely for my niece, but frankly, it’s virtually impossible to separate parent from minor children in cases like these. You’re not a jerk if you don’t give her money, not at all. My DD once asked whether we would support my sister when my parents die and I told her no. I think you do need to keep an eye on your niece and nephew’s overall well-being, even if it comes to making a CPS report. Hopefully it won’t come to that. If they’re in school, that’s another set of eyes on them. FWIW, my sister did have a CPS caseworker assigned for several years before they closed the case and it seemed to help (e.g., forcing my sister to apply for Medicaid, providing my niece with money for camp). Good luck and hang in there. This stuff is hard. |
Anonymous
|
I would help her with structural change (eg to move back in with your parents, clothes to interview in) but not with day-to-day expenses, which is just helping her kick the can on the necessary structural change.
I don’t blame her for resisting getting a job in this very moment. The changes she is facing are overwhelming. Of course it’s unrealistic for her to think it’s possible, but I do really get the reaction. |
Anonymous
While the divorce/no job isn't really how it played with SIL, she just couldn't believe her parents were not going to send her kids to private starting in PK. While both SIL and her DH were working (she had a P/T writing gig), she just thought her parents would pay as the parents were for the kids of many of her Manhattan friends. ILs live comfortably but not 25K (at that time)/annually and definitely not for four grandkids. DH assumed that she expected that her parents would only pay for her kids as we make more money. That said, she finally grasped that her parents weren't going to rescue them in order that they could live the NYC lifestyle they believed they deserved. They moved and she has gotten so much more pleasant after that. And she has had a great career, so maybe that will happen to OP's sister. |
Anonymous
Buy them clothes for Christmas presents and birthdays (if they want that.). Practical things like winter jackets and leggings and T-shirts. For her, give her gift cards to Target for birthdays. Just decide your boundaries and keep them. Take the kids out for treats and fun. |
Anonymous
This is what I would do, and possibly drop off a bag of kid-type food once in awhile. |
Anonymous
This is sound advice |
Anonymous
This. It takes a really good job to afford your own place to live utilities expenses AND childcare. Most women cannot hence most women are married. |
Anonymous
They still need childcare. Kids get sick, they have school holidays and half days, they need aftercare, she still can’t get a normal job without those things. |
Anonymous
I’d offer to take the kids after school instead. She needs childcare and cannot function without it. |
Anonymous
Kids probably want things like iPhones and Uggs though |
Anonymous
| It’s very very hard to raise kids alone even when you have an income. I don’t think letting her flounder is the answer. It sounds like she lacks the tools to get herself settled and needs someone to sit down with her and help her plan out something sustainable. That doesn’t need to involve enabling. But someone needs to help her plan. Plenty of women here would only be able to focus on the day to day of preparing the next meal and doing laundry in this situation. |
Anonymous
There are two parents- they can work out camps and aftercare just like everyone else does. |
Anonymous
Where is dad in this scenario! Often as not, he bails on responsibility and leaves mom holding the bag. |