Sister is getting divorced, no money and no job

[Anonymous]

My sister is in the process of getting divorced. She has kids. Neither she nor her soon to be ex ever made a ton of money, mostly because they never really worked regular jobs. Still do not. But together they were able to piece-together the basics for the kids. Now that she is getting divorced, she cannot do that. She also isn’t interested in getting a job. Which I find to be totally crazy. If she worked at a job, I would be 100% open to helping her and the kids. What would you do in this circumstance?

[Anonymous]

Maybe she will get a job now. Is she in DC? Are the kids on school? She can do delivery or wait tables while the kids are at school.
If she doesn't want to work, there's nothing much you can do.

[Anonymous]

Does she have childcare?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My sister is in the process of getting divorced. She has kids. Neither she nor her soon to be ex ever made a ton of money, mostly because they never really worked regular jobs. Still do not. But together they were able to piece-together the basics for the kids. Now that she is getting divorced, she cannot do that. She also isn’t interested in getting a job. Which I find to be totally crazy. If she worked at a job, I would be 100% open to helping her and the kids. What would you do in this circumstance?

Has she asked you for help? Are you close? We know nothing of her side. Perhaps what you think is crazy not getting a job is her needing to care for young kids and daycare would be more expensive. I have no idea. If your parents chose to help her, it is none of your business. If she asks you for help, you have a right to say no so not sure why you are so worked up. I am close with one sibling, but not another. if the one I am closer to needed help, I would help him. He is very responsible. If my other sibling needed help, I would maybe offer to pay some medical bills directly and I might send her some boxes with groceries I know she uses. I would not give her money directly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My sister is in the process of getting divorced. She has kids. Neither she nor her soon to be ex ever made a ton of money, mostly because they never really worked regular jobs. Still do not. But together they were able to piece-together the basics for the kids. Now that she is getting divorced, she cannot do that. She also isn’t interested in getting a job. Which I find to be totally crazy. If she worked at a job, I would be 100% open to helping her and the kids. What would you do in this circumstance?

Who does she think is going to pay all her expenses?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My sister is in the process of getting divorced. She has kids. Neither she nor her soon to be ex ever made a ton of money, mostly because they never really worked regular jobs. Still do not. But together they were able to piece-together the basics for the kids. Now that she is getting divorced, she cannot do that. She also isn’t interested in getting a job. Which I find to be totally crazy. If she worked at a job, I would be 100% open to helping her and the kids. What would you do in this circumstance?

What makes you think this is your problem to solve? Has she outright asked you for money?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My sister is in the process of getting divorced. She has kids. Neither she nor her soon to be ex ever made a ton of money, mostly because they never really worked regular jobs. Still do not. But together they were able to piece-together the basics for the kids. Now that she is getting divorced, she cannot do that. She also isn’t interested in getting a job. Which I find to be totally crazy. If she worked at a job, I would be 100% open to helping her and the kids. What would you do in this circumstance?

Who is subsidizing this lifestyle? Sounds a lot like a situation I know where the woman lives in a property owned by her mother and the mother paid for EVERYTHING, including private schools because God forbid the kids have to go to public. Then the mother died and the woman screamed at her brothers demanding the estate continue to furnish an all expense paid life. Tough when you retire at the age of 30.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sister is in the process of getting divorced. She has kids. Neither she nor her soon to be ex ever made a ton of money, mostly because they never really worked regular jobs. Still do not. But together they were able to piece-together the basics for the kids. Now that she is getting divorced, she cannot do that. She also isn’t interested in getting a job. Which I find to be totally crazy. If she worked at a job, I would be 100% open to helping her and the kids. What would you do in this circumstance?

What makes you think this is your problem to solve? Has she outright asked you for money?

Oh yeah. All of the time. I have given it to her in the past but she spends it on stupid stuff. Parents have done the same.

I am concerned about the kids. They do not have a stable home life but I am not sure how to help provide one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does she have childcare?

Kids are school-age

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sister is in the process of getting divorced. She has kids. Neither she nor her soon to be ex ever made a ton of money, mostly because they never really worked regular jobs. Still do not. But together they were able to piece-together the basics for the kids. Now that she is getting divorced, she cannot do that. She also isn’t interested in getting a job. Which I find to be totally crazy. If she worked at a job, I would be 100% open to helping her and the kids. What would you do in this circumstance?

Who is subsidizing this lifestyle? Sounds a lot like a situation I know where the woman lives in a property owned by her mother and the mother paid for EVERYTHING, including private schools because God forbid the kids have to go to public. Then the mother died and the woman screamed at her brothers demanding the estate continue to furnish an all expense paid life. Tough when you retire at the age of 30.

Right now, credit cards. When she was with her soon to be ex, he would periodically make bigger amounts and then they would spend it on all kinds of stuff that I thought was unnecessary. The situation would repeat. Never saved anything but they got by.

[Anonymous]

The grandparents on both sides may need to contribute to the kids.

[Anonymous]

Why is she getting divorced OP? What kind of a relationship was it? Was there any financial abuse or controlling involved?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is she getting divorced OP? What kind of a relationship was it? Was there any financial abuse or controlling involved?

No abuse. He was it controlling at all. Both are super immature. Hence my concern about the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is she getting divorced OP? What kind of a relationship was it? Was there any financial abuse or controlling involved?

No abuse. He was it controlling at all. Both are super immature. Hence my concern about the kids.

This should say, he is not controlling at all

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sister is in the process of getting divorced. She has kids. Neither she nor her soon to be ex ever made a ton of money, mostly because they never really worked regular jobs. Still do not. But together they were able to piece-together the basics for the kids. Now that she is getting divorced, she cannot do that. She also isn’t interested in getting a job. Which I find to be totally crazy. If she worked at a job, I would be 100% open to helping her and the kids. What would you do in this circumstance?

What makes you think this is your problem to solve? Has she outright asked you for money?

Oh yeah. All of the time. I have given it to her in the past but she spends it on stupid stuff. Parents have done the same.

I am concerned about the kids. They do not have a stable home life but I am not sure how to help provide one.

So you’ve all been enabling this behavior.
“I’m happy to help as soon as you get a job. And I can pay Xxx bills directly.” Give no cash to her.