Sister is getting divorced, no money and no job

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does she have childcare?

Kids are school-age

They still need childcare. Kids get sick, they have school holidays and half days, they need aftercare, she still can’t get a normal job without those things.

There are two parents- they can work out camps and aftercare just like everyone else does.

Where is dad in this scenario! Often as not, he bails on responsibility and leaves mom holding the bag.

He is there. She convinced him to split custody 70/30. He wanted 50/50, but I guess he was ok with 70/30. He sees the kids quite a bit. Neither of them have regular jobs, so it is hard to understand how childcare is the issue. He certainly could be the backup plan for sick days, breaks, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does she have childcare?

Kids are school-age

They still need childcare. Kids get sick, they have school holidays and half days, they need aftercare, she still can’t get a normal job without those things.

Her soon to be ex-husband could provide those things. He isn’t working M-F 8-6 like normal people.

[Anonymous]

Why are they getting divorced?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are they getting divorced?

Not clear. Immaturity and inability to get along, I guess. I think they should at least try to work it out. But that isn’t what they are doing.

[Anonymous]

My wife and I have long joked that we simply don't have the money to get divorced, which is kinda true. Fortunately, we haven't had a problem too big to be fixed/negotiated/ignored.

[Anonymous]

Is she asking for your help or advice?

If the answer is "no" then keep your opinions to yourself! Your contempt for her choices is obvious.

If she's asking for advice, then advise her to get a job.

If she's asking for help, then you need to determine what you're willing/able to offer in terms of help, and on what kind of timeline. It's also reasonable to attach some strings. "I would be happy to babysit anytime you have a job interview, and I can take the kids after school for the first week of your new job while you get settled if you'd like. No, I'm not willing to babysit so you can go to the movies, I only have so much bandwidth, and I want to be there for you when you start job hunting."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is she asking for your help or advice?

If the answer is "no" then keep your opinions to yourself! Your contempt for her choices is obvious.

If she's asking for advice, then advise her to get a job.

If she's asking for help, then you need to determine what you're willing/able to offer in terms of help, and on what kind of timeline. It's also reasonable to attach some strings. "I would be happy to babysit anytime you have a job interview, and I can take the kids after school for the first week of your new job while you get settled if you'd like. No, I'm not willing to babysit so you can go to the movies, I only have so much bandwidth, and I want to be there for you when you start job hunting."

Oh yeah. It makes me angry that neither of them will get a job so that their kids have regular access to things like the dentist and $15 to go on a school field trip. I don’t live close enough to provide regular childcare. She asks for money but does not want any advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is she asking for your help or advice?

If the answer is "no" then keep your opinions to yourself! Your contempt for her choices is obvious.

If she's asking for advice, then advise her to get a job.

If she's asking for help, then you need to determine what you're willing/able to offer in terms of help, and on what kind of timeline. It's also reasonable to attach some strings. "I would be happy to babysit anytime you have a job interview, and I can take the kids after school for the first week of your new job while you get settled if you'd like. No, I'm not willing to babysit so you can go to the movies, I only have so much bandwidth, and I want to be there for you when you start job hunting."

Oh yeah. It makes me angry that neither of them will get a job so that their kids have regular access to things like the dentist and $15 to go on a school field trip. I don’t live close enough to provide regular childcare. She asks for money but does not want any advice.

Tell her that you can't afford it when she asks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is she asking for your help or advice?

If the answer is "no" then keep your opinions to yourself! Your contempt for her choices is obvious.

If she's asking for advice, then advise her to get a job.

If she's asking for help, then you need to determine what you're willing/able to offer in terms of help, and on what kind of timeline. It's also reasonable to attach some strings. "I would be happy to babysit anytime you have a job interview, and I can take the kids after school for the first week of your new job while you get settled if you'd like. No, I'm not willing to babysit so you can go to the movies, I only have so much bandwidth, and I want to be there for you when you start job hunting."

Oh yeah. It makes me angry that neither of them will get a job so that their kids have regular access to things like the dentist and $15 to go on a school field trip. I don’t live close enough to provide regular childcare. She asks for money but does not want any advice.

I would tell her, happy to help. The kids can come over to my house, I'll provide them the lemonade to sell to make the money for the field trip. Teach the kids to work.

[Anonymous]

I would gladly offer help with this like getting a resume done or employment guidance type stuff. Between the time the kids are in school and the time they are with Dad, she could at least work part time without needing to pay for childcare.

[Anonymous]

She might not be interested in getting a job, but she has to get a job. How is she planning to house, feed and clothe her kids??