What’s a parenting choice you just cannot understand

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Constantly giving commands. Kids check out and more commands are needed to get them to to what the parent tells them to do. It's exhausting to watch and listen.

So, what do you do when your child refuses to do something or doesn't?

Count to 3 calmly and parent by consequences. Example is my 6 yo wanted to walk in the street today despite being told multiple times is not safe. After about 3 warnings I said "ok, when I get to 3 you lose your screen time for the rest of the day". Normally the threat is enough, but today is wasn't, so she lost the iPad. Now we're probably good on the 1-2-3 method for a couple months. It will work like a charm, and I will have to implement consequences again when they forget that I'm strict.

You don't sound strict at all and wait till they are older. You don't get three warnings when it's a safety issue. And, you are constantly giving commands if you are going to 3 warnings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My first answer was sleep, just like OP said. My second feels more judgy and just a consequence of my current situation as a volunteer- seeker at my kids’ schools. I don’t understand checking out of your kid’s school situation. The number of parents that don’t contribute, don't volunteer, don’t respond to easy-to-fulfill requests, etc. it’s fascinating. I get that some people are just buried and have to let things go. But I’m certain there are non-responsive parents that have the time but don’t care.

This is a good one. I was thinking I didn’t have much I didn’t understand but this is one of them. It’s often such a small amount of your time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Giving smartphones to elementary school kids.

Oh, this is a good one! And I would add to that allowing preteens and elementary kids access to social media. Why on earth does your 4th grader need a phone. HINT: They don't. And every single piece of research has shown that SM at a young age is DETRIMENTAL to their emotional health and development. I totallly judge this as LAZY parenting. you are setting your 10 and 11 year olds for major emotional and psychological problems through their childhood and early adulthood. WHY??

[Anonymous]

Being militantly anti-screen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My first answer was sleep, just like OP said. My second feels more judgy and just a consequence of my current situation as a volunteer- seeker at my kids’ schools. I don’t understand checking out of your kid’s school situation. The number of parents that don’t contribute, don't volunteer, don’t respond to easy-to-fulfill requests, etc. it’s fascinating. I get that some people are just buried and have to let things go. But I’m certain there are non-responsive parents that have the time but don’t care.

What kind of requests are going unfilled? I’ll volunteer for a field trip or Halloween party, but some of the things the PTA does just seem pointless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Having more than 2 children.

I'm a middle child and can say that there is not enough emotional love and support to go around. Why do this?

#1 15
#2 5
#3 1

It's a bit different with such a large gap. Not every situation is the same.

[Anonymous]

Parents who seem to think parenting is all about getting their kid to kindergarten, and then they've done the hard part and can check out. I've heard so many parents over the years say, "I just can't wait until my kid starts kindergarten and I get my life back." WTH? No, parenting is forever.

[Anonymous]

Parents who get in a cycle of giving their kids processed snacks and then the kid isn’t hungry for a good meal.

Whenever my kids spend time with SIL’s kids they turn into whiny chips-and-candy-demanding kids. We give them junk as an occasional treat but for daily snacks and meals we prefer less processed foods. It’s hard to be the bad guy when another parent is handing out snacks so I just let it go but I hate it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having more than 2 children.

I'm a middle child and can say that there is not enough emotional love and support to go around. Why do this?

Just because *your parents* didn’t provide these things doesn’t mean no one does.

However, I do think that in very large (5/6+ kids) families, there is a preponderance of neglect and parentification of the older kids. I think it is almost inevitable.

This is true. I'm the eldest daughter in a large family. I didn't mind though. I liked the responsibility (and being in charge, lol).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand women who don't prioritize their own birth experience. I don't think that birth is proportionally more important than various other parts of parenting, but I do think that the experience of being the one giving birth, rather than the one being born, is significant. I don't think it's irresponsible or selfish to treat it as being a significant experience, and it makes sense to try to prepare for the experience you want. The amount of derision for the birthing choices of others - even coming in with a birth plan gets completely mocked on this forum because people get latched onto the word "plan" and start going off about how you can't plan things and should just be grateful for whatever medical stuff happens to you.

I say this as a person who had very medicalized births, particularly the second time. It was absolutely possible within the context of a multi-day induction to still feel like my needs mattered and were being taken into consideration during the process. But the second you say anything on this forum about wanting to make care choices that are related to your experience as the birthing person, you are a monster.

This. No one would ever approach any other elective medical procedure with the attitude “if I am not dead it is a success”. That is a floor we have been conned into believing is a ceiling, and it’s a horrifyingly low bar for medicine.

I totally judge women who are still thinking about their birth experience with elementary school kids. I internally roll my eyes so hard when one of my friends starts talking about her un medicated births and full years of breastfeeding. Cool story, I had two c-sections and went directly to formula, so I had to endure a whole lot less pain and agony than you, and were both at exactly the same place now with happy healthy well adjusted kids. I guess it would suck too much to admit it was all for nothing!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My first answer was sleep, just like OP said. My second feels more judgy and just a consequence of my current situation as a volunteer- seeker at my kids’ schools. I don’t understand checking out of your kid’s school situation. The number of parents that don’t contribute, don't volunteer, don’t respond to easy-to-fulfill requests, etc. it’s fascinating. I get that some people are just buried and have to let things go. But I’m certain there are non-responsive parents that have the time but don’t care.

What kind of requests are going unfilled? I’ll volunteer for a field trip or Halloween party, but some of the things the PTA does just seem pointless.

God the stupid requests from my kids school are ENDLESS. I would use up literally weeks of pto if I actually signed up or came to every last stupid event. If you’re not getting a good response rate to this nonsense, maybe that’s a clue that no one finds it valuable and it needs to stop!!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Parents who seem to think parenting is all about getting their kid to kindergarten, and then they've done the hard part and can check out. I've heard so many parents over the years say, "I just can't wait until my kid starts kindergarten and I get my life back." WTH? No, parenting is forever.

I mean, that's taking people a wee bit literally. Of course parenting is forever but there are different phases, and having a baby or toddler is different from having an elementary kid. People don't mean "and now I am done with parenting and the schools will raise them." They mean "now my kid can order food at a restaurant, occupy themself by playing with other kids at a party, get themselves dressed, make themself a snack, etc." Especially for moms, this can mean a new level of independence and freedom, and getting to parent in a different way that is not so physically demanding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having more than 2 children.

I'm a middle child and can say that there is not enough emotional love and support to go around. Why do this?

Just because *your parents* didn’t provide these things doesn’t mean no one does.

However, I do think that in very large (5/6+ kids) families, there is a preponderance of neglect and parentification of the older kids. I think it is almost inevitable.

This is true. I'm the eldest daughter in a large family. I didn't mind though. I liked the responsibility (and being in charge, lol).

I would be curious to hear what the middle kids in your family think.

[Anonymous]

As a physician I don't understand home births. I could not understand putting my child at risk by not having a NICU nearby even if it is a once in a million situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a physician I don't understand home births. I could not understand putting my child at risk by not having a NICU nearby even if it is a once in a million situation.

Not a physician but I feel the same way. It honestly feels arrogant to me.