Taxed a lot because spouse makes six figures.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just don’t understand why you work. If that income is making a big difference, I’d rather find a better budget. Does he not let you access his income? Is the 10k your personal spending money?

This is kind of arrogant. $15K is a substantial amount for them, and it's part time. Perhaps they also need the benefits that Starbucks provides. I'm all for better budgeting, but it sounds like OP has a good source of extra income for the family. However, I do wonder why they are at a point where they need to be debating the marginal tax rate on this extra income.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just don’t understand why you work. If that income is making a big difference, I’d rather find a better budget. Does he not let you access his income? Is the 10k your personal spending money?

This is kind of arrogant. $15K is a substantial amount for them, and it's part time. Perhaps they also need the benefits that Starbucks provides. I'm all for better budgeting, but it sounds like OP has a good source of extra income for the family. However, I do wonder why they are at a point where they need to be debating the marginal tax rate on this extra income.

Starbucks doesn't give benefits if you work part-time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's wrong. It's really like 23% plus FICA, Medicare and state tax.

To be fair that will be almost 35% in total.

Marginal, maybe. Not effective. Learn the difference.

I was being lazy and assumed PPs math on the effective rate was correct and just added the other payroll taxes to it + state

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just don’t understand why you work. If that income is making a big difference, I’d rather find a better budget. Does he not let you access his income? Is the 10k your personal spending money?

Op here. So after taxes and insurance retirement match, his income becomes 3900 twice a month. We spend about 3500 on mortgage, hoa. He says $2000 for food and household items. $800 for mutual funds, and he's paying extra on the mortgage, $1100 to pay off the house faster. I told him I needed to spend money to get a haircut ond not have him asking me about my purchases. It takes the joy out of spending when he's constantly asking why I bought something. He said he could budget $200 for me a month if I wanted to quit my job, and it could go to my checking, so he's not keeping tabs on how it's spent. Whenever I spend money on things, I always feel guilty, even if it's groceries. I feel like he doesn't understand what something costs and wants me to preform magic and somehow have a lot of food, nothing for the kids but not spend the appropriate amount.

HELLO. this isn’t a tax problem. This is a controlling, abusive husband problem.

An adult who is in an equal partnership with another adult doesn’t generously offer them $200 a month to spend. You’re not a child with an allowance. He is making all the decisions, including paying off the mortgage faster and putting money into mutual funds. Meanwhile, you don’t have money for a haircut.

You are not in a healthy marriage.

https://www.verywellmind.com/financial-abuse-4155224

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just don’t understand why you work. If that income is making a big difference, I’d rather find a better budget. Does he not let you access his income? Is the 10k your personal spending money?

Op here. So after taxes and insurance retirement match, his income becomes 3900 twice a month. We spend about 3500 on mortgage, hoa. He says $2000 for food and household items. $800 for mutual funds, and he's paying extra on the mortgage, $1100 to pay off the house faster. I told him I needed to spend money to get a haircut ond not have him asking me about my purchases. It takes the joy out of spending when he's constantly asking why I bought something. He said he could budget $200 for me a month if I wanted to quit my job, and it could go to my checking, so he's not keeping tabs on how it's spent. Whenever I spend money on things, I always feel guilty, even if it's groceries. I feel like he doesn't understand what something costs and wants me to preform magic and somehow have a lot of food, nothing for the kids but not spend the appropriate amount.

HELLO. this isn’t a tax problem. This is a controlling, abusive husband problem.

An adult who is in an equal partnership with another adult doesn’t generously offer them $200 a month to spend. You’re not a child with an allowance. He is making all the decisions, including paying off the mortgage faster and putting money into mutual funds. Meanwhile, you don’t have money for a haircut.

You are not in a healthy marriage.

https://www.verywellmind.com/financial-abuse-4155224

I don't know. They need a budget. With all of those numbers, there isn't much left over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just don’t understand why you work. If that income is making a big difference, I’d rather find a better budget. Does he not let you access his income? Is the 10k your personal spending money?

Op here. So after taxes and insurance retirement match, his income becomes 3900 twice a month. We spend about 3500 on mortgage, hoa. He says $2000 for food and household items. $800 for mutual funds, and he's paying extra on the mortgage, $1100 to pay off the house faster. I told him I needed to spend money to get a haircut ond not have him asking me about my purchases. It takes the joy out of spending when he's constantly asking why I bought something. He said he could budget $200 for me a month if I wanted to quit my job, and it could go to my checking, so he's not keeping tabs on how it's spent. Whenever I spend money on things, I always feel guilty, even if it's groceries. I feel like he doesn't understand what something costs and wants me to preform magic and somehow have a lot of food, nothing for the kids but not spend the appropriate amount.

HELLO. this isn’t a tax problem. This is a controlling, abusive husband problem.

An adult who is in an equal partnership with another adult doesn’t generously offer them $200 a month to spend. You’re not a child with an allowance. He is making all the decisions, including paying off the mortgage faster and putting money into mutual funds. Meanwhile, you don’t have money for a haircut.

You are not in a healthy marriage.

https://www.verywellmind.com/financial-abuse-4155224

I don't know. They need a budget. With all of those numbers, there isn't much left over.

Has she indicated he's taking her salary?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just don’t understand why you work. If that income is making a big difference, I’d rather find a better budget. Does he not let you access his income? Is the 10k your personal spending money?

Op here. So after taxes and insurance retirement match, his income becomes 3900 twice a month. We spend about 3500 on mortgage, hoa. He says $2000 for food and household items. $800 for mutual funds, and he's paying extra on the mortgage, $1100 to pay off the house faster. I told him I needed to spend money to get a haircut ond not have him asking me about my purchases. It takes the joy out of spending when he's constantly asking why I bought something. He said he could budget $200 for me a month if I wanted to quit my job, and it could go to my checking, so he's not keeping tabs on how it's spent. Whenever I spend money on things, I always feel guilty, even if it's groceries. I feel like he doesn't understand what something costs and wants me to preform magic and somehow have a lot of food, nothing for the kids but not spend the appropriate amount.

HELLO. this isn’t a tax problem. This is a controlling, abusive husband problem.

An adult who is in an equal partnership with another adult doesn’t generously offer them $200 a month to spend. You’re not a child with an allowance. He is making all the decisions, including paying off the mortgage faster and putting money into mutual funds. Meanwhile, you don’t have money for a haircut.

You are not in a healthy marriage.

https://www.verywellmind.com/financial-abuse-4155224

I don't know. They need a budget. With all of those numbers, there isn't much left over.

Because her incredibly controlling husband decided on those numbers. He’s the one who decided that they need to sink $800 a month into mutual funds and $1100 into paying off the mortgage faster. Meanwhile she’s working at Starbucks to afford haircuts. That’s messed up. She takes care of the kids and the house during the week, and in return, has access to not a penny of “his” money. Now that she got a job and it’s negatively impinging on his life, he has generously offered her $200 a month.

It’s all just so wrong and not at all what a loving, trusting, and mutually interdependent relationship should be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just don’t understand why you work. If that income is making a big difference, I’d rather find a better budget. Does he not let you access his income? Is the 10k your personal spending money?

Op here. So after taxes and insurance retirement match, his income becomes 3900 twice a month. We spend about 3500 on mortgage, hoa. He says $2000 for food and household items. $800 for mutual funds, and he's paying extra on the mortgage, $1100 to pay off the house faster. I told him I needed to spend money to get a haircut ond not have him asking me about my purchases. It takes the joy out of spending when he's constantly asking why I bought something. He said he could budget $200 for me a month if I wanted to quit my job, and it could go to my checking, so he's not keeping tabs on how it's spent. Whenever I spend money on things, I always feel guilty, even if it's groceries. I feel like he doesn't understand what something costs and wants me to preform magic and somehow have a lot of food, nothing for the kids but not spend the appropriate amount.

HELLO. this isn’t a tax problem. This is a controlling, abusive husband problem.

An adult who is in an equal partnership with another adult doesn’t generously offer them $200 a month to spend. You’re not a child with an allowance. He is making all the decisions, including paying off the mortgage faster and putting money into mutual funds. Meanwhile, you don’t have money for a haircut.

You are not in a healthy marriage.

https://www.verywellmind.com/financial-abuse-4155224

I don't know. They need a budget. With all of those numbers, there isn't much left over.

Right. But budgeting is a “together” activity in a marriage. Does OP think they should prioritize paying off the mortgage? Or maybe that money could be used for childcare so OP can get a FT job, and be a little more financially independent (and/or bring more money into the family pot so they can afford to pay down the mortgage, invest, AND get hair cuts).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just don’t understand why you work. If that income is making a big difference, I’d rather find a better budget. Does he not let you access his income? Is the 10k your personal spending money?

Op here. So after taxes and insurance retirement match, his income becomes 3900 twice a month. We spend about 3500 on mortgage, hoa. He says $2000 for food and household items. $800 for mutual funds, and he's paying extra on the mortgage, $1100 to pay off the house faster. I told him I needed to spend money to get a haircut ond not have him asking me about my purchases. It takes the joy out of spending when he's constantly asking why I bought something. He said he could budget $200 for me a month if I wanted to quit my job, and it could go to my checking, so he's not keeping tabs on how it's spent. Whenever I spend money on things, I always feel guilty, even if it's groceries. I feel like he doesn't understand what something costs and wants me to preform magic and somehow have a lot of food, nothing for the kids but not spend the appropriate amount.

HELLO. this isn’t a tax problem. This is a controlling, abusive husband problem.

An adult who is in an equal partnership with another adult doesn’t generously offer them $200 a month to spend. You’re not a child with an allowance. He is making all the decisions, including paying off the mortgage faster and putting money into mutual funds. Meanwhile, you don’t have money for a haircut.

You are not in a healthy marriage.

https://www.verywellmind.com/financial-abuse-4155224

I don't know. They need a budget. With all of those numbers, there isn't much left over.

Right. But budgeting is a “together” activity in a marriage. Does OP think they should prioritize paying off the mortgage? Or maybe that money could be used for childcare so OP can get a FT job, and be a little more financially independent (and/or bring more money into the family pot so they can afford to pay down the mortgage, invest, AND get hair cuts).

Getting a job that pays more than childcare is hard. If she's working at Starbucks, she probably doesn't have the skills for those jobs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just don’t understand why you work. If that income is making a big difference, I’d rather find a better budget. Does he not let you access his income? Is the 10k your personal spending money?

Op here. So after taxes and insurance retirement match, his income becomes 3900 twice a month. We spend about 3500 on mortgage, hoa. He says $2000 for food and household items. $800 for mutual funds, and he's paying extra on the mortgage, $1100 to pay off the house faster. I told him I needed to spend money to get a haircut ond not have him asking me about my purchases. It takes the joy out of spending when he's constantly asking why I bought something. He said he could budget $200 for me a month if I wanted to quit my job, and it could go to my checking, so he's not keeping tabs on how it's spent. Whenever I spend money on things, I always feel guilty, even if it's groceries. I feel like he doesn't understand what something costs and wants me to preform magic and somehow have a lot of food, nothing for the kids but not spend the appropriate amount.

OP- please confirm that you have access to these mutual funds and the mortgage- are you on the deed? Can you confirm that he is making deposits? Have you discussed why the 1100 extra on the house- what is your interest rate? You are paying an extra 30% of mortgage payments per year- why?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just don’t understand why you work. If that income is making a big difference, I’d rather find a better budget. Does he not let you access his income? Is the 10k your personal spending money?

Op here. So after taxes and insurance retirement match, his income becomes 3900 twice a month. We spend about 3500 on mortgage, hoa. He says $2000 for food and household items. $800 for mutual funds, and he's paying extra on the mortgage, $1100 to pay off the house faster. I told him I needed to spend money to get a haircut ond not have him asking me about my purchases. It takes the joy out of spending when he's constantly asking why I bought something. He said he could budget $200 for me a month if I wanted to quit my job, and it could go to my checking, so he's not keeping tabs on how it's spent. Whenever I spend money on things, I always feel guilty, even if it's groceries. I feel like he doesn't understand what something costs and wants me to preform magic and somehow have a lot of food, nothing for the kids but not spend the appropriate amount.

HELLO. this isn’t a tax problem. This is a controlling, abusive husband problem.

An adult who is in an equal partnership with another adult doesn’t generously offer them $200 a month to spend. You’re not a child with an allowance. He is making all the decisions, including paying off the mortgage faster and putting money into mutual funds. Meanwhile, you don’t have money for a haircut.

You are not in a healthy marriage.

https://www.verywellmind.com/financial-abuse-4155224

I don't know. They need a budget. With all of those numbers, there isn't much left over.

Right. But budgeting is a “together” activity in a marriage. Does OP think they should prioritize paying off the mortgage? Or maybe that money could be used for childcare so OP can get a FT job, and be a little more financially independent (and/or bring more money into the family pot so they can afford to pay down the mortgage, invest, AND get hair cuts).

Getting a job that pays more than childcare is hard. If she's working at Starbucks, she probably doesn't have the skills for those jobs.

People on this board always say that, like balancing out the cost of childcare is the bottom line. It’s not. Being married to someone like this before, it is critically important that OP have her own source of income. She can manage a Starbucks and make $65-70k a year and she would have a lot more independence from this guy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can also usually request that they take out extra for your taxes in your paycheck (if you don't want to owe money later).

For your question "Is it worth it?". I guess you have to ask yourself if it's worth all of that time for an extra 10K. What would you be doing otherwise if you didn't work?

I work on the weekends and evenings, so it's time away from my kids, who are toddlers, and my husband. Because I get home so late, we sleep separately.

That sounds terrible and not work the 10k.

I'd find a different job with better hours and better pay, or stay home.

Same

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just don’t understand why you work. If that income is making a big difference, I’d rather find a better budget. Does he not let you access his income? Is the 10k your personal spending money?

This is kind of arrogant. $15K is a substantial amount for them, and it's part time. Perhaps they also need the benefits that Starbucks provides. I'm all for better budgeting, but it sounds like OP has a good source of extra income for the family. However, I do wonder why they are at a point where they need to be debating the marginal tax rate on this extra income.

I’m the PP. My HHI is less than what her husband makes alone. We are just fine and a 10k job is not worth nights and weekends when they make over 160k. She has a marriage issue, not a tax issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just don’t understand why you work. If that income is making a big difference, I’d rather find a better budget. Does he not let you access his income? Is the 10k your personal spending money?

Op here. So after taxes and insurance retirement match, his income becomes 3900 twice a month. We spend about 3500 on mortgage, hoa. He says $2000 for food and household items. $800 for mutual funds, and he's paying extra on the mortgage, $1100 to pay off the house faster. I told him I needed to spend money to get a haircut ond not have him asking me about my purchases. It takes the joy out of spending when he's constantly asking why I bought something. He said he could budget $200 for me a month if I wanted to quit my job, and it could go to my checking, so he's not keeping tabs on how it's spent. Whenever I spend money on things, I always feel guilty, even if it's groceries. I feel like he doesn't understand what something costs and wants me to preform magic and somehow have a lot of food, nothing for the kids but not spend the appropriate amount.

HELLO. this isn’t a tax problem. This is a controlling, abusive husband problem.

An adult who is in an equal partnership with another adult doesn’t generously offer them $200 a month to spend. You’re not a child with an allowance. He is making all the decisions, including paying off the mortgage faster and putting money into mutual funds. Meanwhile, you don’t have money for a haircut.

You are not in a healthy marriage.

https://www.verywellmind.com/financial-abuse-4155224

I don't know. They need a budget. With all of those numbers, there isn't much left over.

Because her incredibly controlling husband decided on those numbers. He’s the one who decided that they need to sink $800 a month into mutual funds and $1100 into paying off the mortgage faster. Meanwhile she’s working at Starbucks to afford haircuts. That’s messed up. She takes care of the kids and the house during the week, and in return, has access to not a penny of “his” money. Now that she got a job and it’s negatively impinging on his life, he has generously offered her $200 a month.

It’s all just so wrong and not at all what a loving, trusting, and mutually interdependent relationship should be.

^^ this right here

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just don’t understand why you work. If that income is making a big difference, I’d rather find a better budget. Does he not let you access his income? Is the 10k your personal spending money?

This is kind of arrogant. $15K is a substantial amount for them, and it's part time. Perhaps they also need the benefits that Starbucks provides. I'm all for better budgeting, but it sounds like OP has a good source of extra income for the family. However, I do wonder why they are at a point where they need to be debating the marginal tax rate on this extra income.

I’m the PP. My HHI is less than what her husband makes alone. We are just fine and a 10k job is not worth nights and weekends when they make over 160k. She has a marriage issue, not a tax issue.

Agreed. She has a huge marriage issue. I could not live like that.