Taxed a lot because spouse makes six figures.

[Anonymous]

It’s called household income.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can also usually request that they take out extra for your taxes in your paycheck (if you don't want to owe money later).

For your question "Is it worth it?". I guess you have to ask yourself if it's worth all of that time for an extra 10K. What would you be doing otherwise if you didn't work?

I work on the weekends and evenings, so it's time away from my kids, who are toddlers, and my husband. Because I get home so late, we sleep separately.

To me, that sounds like giving up the most important parts of your life to make less than 1K a month. Unless you really need that extra income.

Sounds to me like they are house poor.

Only because they’re dumping an extra $1100 a month into the mortgage and $800 into investments. Not sure what that is - 529s? Roth IRAs? I’m all for saving money, but this is not being done as a joint effort. Op shouldn’t feel guilty about getting a haircut when they’re setting aside nearly $2k a month.

Paying the mortgage early, saving money and building wealth are more important than getting a haircut. They have the right mindset.
She is working a low paying job to earn extra income instead of sitting at home watching TV. That’s also the right mindset.

+1 Maybe the DH is going about everything wrong, but what he is doing will serve them in the end. I tell my husband when he's gone over his restaurant limit. Saving for college is much more important that eating unhealthy food. Sometimes someone has to be in charge of the big picture and financial details. He agrees with me but hates details, so it works for us. In OP's case, I'd insist on a biweekly budget meeting and go over investment returns at least quarterly. She should know all the details.

What he is doing will only serve him in the end if it does not destroy their marriage. He is making the decisions unilaterally - to him, it makes sense that they pay extra on the mortgage, but that was not a joint decision. It is utterly corrosive to a relationship to make unilateral calls on joint decisions, particularly without communicating about them. It may be smart to pay aggressively on the mortgage and save aggressively in the mutual funds, but if the behavior destroys the relationship in the process, it doesn't matter anymore. Better to modify approach so that everyone is getting their needs met, including paying extra on the mortgage, but not so much extra that a haircut is what makes or breaks the month. There is surely a middle ground between "pay $1100 extra" and "don't pay any extra."

OP, you need to articulate your actual needs. From a strictly numbers perspective, maybe it does not make sense for you to work at this job. However, for all sorts of other reasons, which you articulated beautifully, what is best for you is to work part time at this job until your children are in school and you can make different plans. Your husband has to understand those needs before he can even try to respect and accommodate them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Going to a hairdresser is a waste of money. My mother cut mine as a kid. She taught me and my sister how to and then we did each other’s as we got older. In college and beyond I found a friend who, again, we could trust to exchange the task.

You have got to be kidding me. OP should find somebody willing to cut her hair for free so that her husband can dump a highly unusual if not insane amount of money into pre-paying the mortgage? Good grief.

Regardless, OP’s approach of sticking with her Starbucks job instead of getting a $200 allowance from an abusive, controlling husband is a really good idea.

np. I don't know that it's insane. They're some period of time into a 7-year ARM in an era where the Fed continues to promise rising interest rates for the foreseeable future. In some form or other, I, too, would be looking for insulation against that, if I still had a mortgage.

I think it's sort of insane based on their income and their needs. I personally never get an ARM, but they did (I'm guessing it was mostly the DH's decision) and now they need to deal with the consequences. OP's husband apparently thinks that giving his wife grief about the cost of grooming and food is the way to handle their situation. I dunno, maybe you'd be okay forgoing haircuts and feeling guilty about buying your kids food and every other purchase because your husband wants to pay down the mortgage early but not me.

You're being a little bit snarky. First of all, I am the DH. Second, we've already paid of our mortgage.

My comment was that I don't think pre-paying the mortgage, given the factors I outlined, is "insane."

There are other issues regarding how this couple handles their finances and marriage, and I've noticed here that people are extremely quick to pass judgment based on their own values. Different cultures handle things differently, and I think a little bit more understanding is needed.

Well okay maybe you’d be okay with your wife telling you you can’t get a haircut so she can pre-pay the mortgage. But I should have known that you’re the DH. It does figure that a man would say it’s rational for a husband to deny a wife haircuts and let his wife feel guilty about buying necessities so he can spend a huge portion of their HHI on pre-paying the mortgage.

(Now I’m being snarky)

Yes you included reasonable financial considerations in your evaluation but where in your calculus is OP’s reality that life costs money?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not worth it to work on the weekends and at poor paying retail job OP, has nothing to do with taxes. Why don't you want to be with your family on the weekends? The kids will be going to school soon enough and you can work retail then, there will be plenty of jobs available during the week.

It's amazing how much hate this board carries for working class women. OMG. And this is just one small example of the many comments.

She is not a "working class woman," her dh makes 100k+ and works from home, according to her. She wants to work to break up the week and do something different, according to OP.

I am the pp, female and and grew up in an actual working class household. This is not one.

I mean, it's fine for her to want to do this and want to work but it sounds like her dh doesn't like her pulling 12 hour shifts every weekend when they don't actually need the money right now. OP will have ample time to do this once her youngest gets in kindergarten.

If they really needed the money it wouldn't be an issue for the dh. It sounds like they don't need the money, she's just taking a weekend job away from someone who does.

Gimme a break. Anyone who wants to work at a coffee shop on the weekends can find that job these days. She doesn’t need to quit to make space for someone else. Wth is wrong with you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not worth it to work on the weekends and at poor paying retail job OP, has nothing to do with taxes. Why don't you want to be with your family on the weekends? The kids will be going to school soon enough and you can work retail then, there will be plenty of jobs available during the week.

It's amazing how much hate this board carries for working class women. OMG. And this is just one small example of the many comments.

She is not a "working class woman," her dh makes 100k+ and works from home, according to her. She wants to work to break up the week and do something different, according to OP.

I am the pp, female and and grew up in an actual working class household. This is not one.

I mean, it's fine for her to want to do this and want to work but it sounds like her dh doesn't like her pulling 12 hour shifts every weekend when they don't actually need the money right now. OP will have ample time to do this once her youngest gets in kindergarten.

If they really needed the money it wouldn't be an issue for the dh. It sounds like they don't need the money, she's just taking a weekend job away from someone who does.

Gimme a break. Anyone who wants to work at a coffee shop on the weekends can find that job these days. She doesn’t need to quit to make space for someone else. Wth is wrong with you?

She's kind of in the middle. She's still doing the job, which isn't glamorous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not worth it to work on the weekends and at poor paying retail job OP, has nothing to do with taxes. Why don't you want to be with your family on the weekends? The kids will be going to school soon enough and you can work retail then, there will be plenty of jobs available during the week.

It's amazing how much hate this board carries for working class women. OMG. And this is just one small example of the many comments.

She is not a "working class woman," her dh makes 100k+ and works from home, according to her. She wants to work to break up the week and do something different, according to OP.

I am the pp, female and and grew up in an actual working class household. This is not one.

I mean, it's fine for her to want to do this and want to work but it sounds like her dh doesn't like her pulling 12 hour shifts every weekend when they don't actually need the money right now. OP will have ample time to do this once her youngest gets in kindergarten.

If they really needed the money it wouldn't be an issue for the dh. It sounds like they don't need the money, she's just taking a weekend job away from someone who does.

Gimme a break. Anyone who wants to work at a coffee shop on the weekends can find that job these days. She doesn’t need to quit to make space for someone else. Wth is wrong with you?

In what world is this okay? Her husband makes money, so don't take jobs away from those less fortunate. Ridiculous

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not worth it to work on the weekends and at poor paying retail job OP, has nothing to do with taxes. Why don't you want to be with your family on the weekends? The kids will be going to school soon enough and you can work retail then, there will be plenty of jobs available during the week.

It's amazing how much hate this board carries for working class women. OMG. And this is just one small example of the many comments.

She is not a "working class woman," her dh makes 100k+ and works from home, according to her. She wants to work to break up the week and do something different, according to OP.

I am the pp, female and and grew up in an actual working class household. This is not one.

I mean, it's fine for her to want to do this and want to work but it sounds like her dh doesn't like her pulling 12 hour shifts every weekend when they don't actually need the money right now. OP will have ample time to do this once her youngest gets in kindergarten.

If they really needed the money it wouldn't be an issue for the dh. It sounds like they don't need the money, she's just taking a weekend job away from someone who does.

Gimme a break. Anyone who wants to work at a coffee shop on the weekends can find that job these days. She doesn’t need to quit to make space for someone else. Wth is wrong with you?

In what world is this okay? Her husband makes money, so don't take jobs away from those less fortunate. Ridiculous

Starbucks is constantly hiring. It's not like this one person is preventing "those less fortunate" from working. "Those less fortunate" will just work during the 5 days OP doesn't work at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can also usually request that they take out extra for your taxes in your paycheck (if you don't want to owe money later).

For your question "Is it worth it?". I guess you have to ask yourself if it's worth all of that time for an extra 10K. What would you be doing otherwise if you didn't work?

I work on the weekends and evenings, so it's time away from my kids, who are toddlers, and my husband. Because I get home so late, we sleep separately.

To me, that sounds like giving up the most important parts of your life to make less than 1K a month. Unless you really need that extra income.

Sounds to me like they are house poor.

Only because they’re dumping an extra $1100 a month into the mortgage and $800 into investments. Not sure what that is - 529s? Roth IRAs? I’m all for saving money, but this is not being done as a joint effort. Op shouldn’t feel guilty about getting a haircut when they’re setting aside nearly $2k a month.

Paying the mortgage early, saving money and building wealth are more important than getting a haircut. They have the right mindset.
She is working a low paying job to earn extra income instead of sitting at home watching TV. That’s also the right mindset.

No, that is not more important than getting a haircut. A haircut is basic grooming and to tell your spouse that she can’t do basic grooming because he wants to save money is abusive.

You don’t need to go to the hairdresser. You can cut and style your own hair. Many women do that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can also usually request that they take out extra for your taxes in your paycheck (if you don't want to owe money later).

For your question "Is it worth it?". I guess you have to ask yourself if it's worth all of that time for an extra 10K. What would you be doing otherwise if you didn't work?

I work on the weekends and evenings, so it's time away from my kids, who are toddlers, and my husband. Because I get home so late, we sleep separately.

To me, that sounds like giving up the most important parts of your life to make less than 1K a month. Unless you really need that extra income.

Sounds to me like they are house poor.

Only because they’re dumping an extra $1100 a month into the mortgage and $800 into investments. Not sure what that is - 529s? Roth IRAs? I’m all for saving money, but this is not being done as a joint effort. Op shouldn’t feel guilty about getting a haircut when they’re setting aside nearly $2k a month.

Paying the mortgage early, saving money and building wealth are more important than getting a haircut. They have the right mindset.
She is working a low paying job to earn extra income instead of sitting at home watching TV. That’s also the right mindset.

No, that is not more important than getting a haircut. A haircut is basic grooming and to tell your spouse that she can’t do basic grooming because he wants to save money is abusive.

You don’t need to go to the hairdresser. You can cut and style your own hair. Many women do that.

And many women also go to the salon, as do men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can also usually request that they take out extra for your taxes in your paycheck (if you don't want to owe money later).

For your question "Is it worth it?". I guess you have to ask yourself if it's worth all of that time for an extra 10K. What would you be doing otherwise if you didn't work?

I work on the weekends and evenings, so it's time away from my kids, who are toddlers, and my husband. Because I get home so late, we sleep separately.

To me, that sounds like giving up the most important parts of your life to make less than 1K a month. Unless you really need that extra income.

Sounds to me like they are house poor.

Only because they’re dumping an extra $1100 a month into the mortgage and $800 into investments. Not sure what that is - 529s? Roth IRAs? I’m all for saving money, but this is not being done as a joint effort. Op shouldn’t feel guilty about getting a haircut when they’re setting aside nearly $2k a month.

Paying the mortgage early, saving money and building wealth are more important than getting a haircut. They have the right mindset.
She is working a low paying job to earn extra income instead of sitting at home watching TV. That’s also the right mindset.

No, that is not more important than getting a haircut. A haircut is basic grooming and to tell your spouse that she can’t do basic grooming because he wants to save money is abusive.

You don’t need to go to the hairdresser. You can cut and style your own hair. Many women do that.

He doesn’t need to spend 1K a month pre-paying the mortgage. He can just pay the normal amount and try to sell when the variable rate kicks in. Many men do that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not worth it to work on the weekends and at poor paying retail job OP, has nothing to do with taxes. Why don't you want to be with your family on the weekends? The kids will be going to school soon enough and you can work retail then, there will be plenty of jobs available during the week.

It's amazing how much hate this board carries for working class women. OMG. And this is just one small example of the many comments.

She is not a "working class woman," her dh makes 100k+ and works from home, according to her. She wants to work to break up the week and do something different, according to OP.

I am the pp, female and and grew up in an actual working class household. This is not one.

I mean, it's fine for her to want to do this and want to work but it sounds like her dh doesn't like her pulling 12 hour shifts every weekend when they don't actually need the money right now. OP will have ample time to do this once her youngest gets in kindergarten.

If they really needed the money it wouldn't be an issue for the dh. It sounds like they don't need the money, she's just taking a weekend job away from someone who does.

Gimme a break. Anyone who wants to work at a coffee shop on the weekends can find that job these days. She doesn’t need to quit to make space for someone else. Wth is wrong with you?

In what world is this okay? Her husband makes money, so don't take jobs away from those less fortunate. Ridiculous

When people say there is a labor shortage what kind of jobs do you think they’re talking about?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:this is a marriage issue but on her side. Her husband needs her to have a different job and she is digging her heels in. He is making good money, trying to pay off mortgage and save for retirement and she is worried about her haircut and her part time Starbucks job.

You are nuts. And I really don’t see this guy stepping up so she can get a better job. He obviously doesn’t like being inconvenienced. He probably expects her to get a better job while somehow magically making the household run without his lifting a finger and oh yeah, something tells me that when she starts making more it’s not going to be “her” money anymore.

They cannot afford to be socking away that much in mutual funds, plus it’s stupid to pay off a mortgage early assuming that they refinanced when rates are low (and even stupider if they didn’t). He’s artificially lowering the amount of money they have available so he can tell her that they’re broke and so no, she can’t have haircuts. This guy is a piece of work.

Op here. I didn't explain the mortgage well. We bought last year with an adjustable rate of 4.5 for seven years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:this is a marriage issue but on her side. Her husband needs her to have a different job and she is digging her heels in. He is making good money, trying to pay off mortgage and save for retirement and she is worried about her haircut and her part time Starbucks job.

You are nuts. And I really don’t see this guy stepping up so she can get a better job. He obviously doesn’t like being inconvenienced. He probably expects her to get a better job while somehow magically making the household run without his lifting a finger and oh yeah, something tells me that when she starts making more it’s not going to be “her” money anymore.

They cannot afford to be socking away that much in mutual funds, plus it’s stupid to pay off a mortgage early assuming that they refinanced when rates are low (and even stupider if they didn’t). He’s artificially lowering the amount of money they have available so he can tell her that they’re broke and so no, she can’t have haircuts. This guy is a piece of work.

Op here. I didn't explain the mortgage well. We bought last year with an adjustable rate of 4.5 for seven years.

I guess he really wanted a low rate? I personally wouldn’t risk an arm especially with rates rising but that’s probably why he’s overpaying. Maybe he will try to refinance into a fixed rate before the arm kicks in. Things can get dicey quickly if, say, he loses his job and you guys can’t pay it in time, some arms have high penalty terms. You need to be more involved in these decisions op. And ask, specifically, if we buy this really nice house does that mean we have to live frugally and if so for how long?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can also usually request that they take out extra for your taxes in your paycheck (if you don't want to owe money later).

For your question "Is it worth it?". I guess you have to ask yourself if it's worth all of that time for an extra 10K. What would you be doing otherwise if you didn't work?

I work on the weekends and evenings, so it's time away from my kids, who are toddlers, and my husband. Because I get home so late, we sleep separately.

To me, that sounds like giving up the most important parts of your life to make less than 1K a month. Unless you really need that extra income.

Sounds to me like they are house poor.

Only because they’re dumping an extra $1100 a month into the mortgage and $800 into investments. Not sure what that is - 529s? Roth IRAs? I’m all for saving money, but this is not being done as a joint effort. Op shouldn’t feel guilty about getting a haircut when they’re setting aside nearly $2k a month.

Paying the mortgage early, saving money and building wealth are more important than getting a haircut. They have the right mindset.
She is working a low paying job to earn extra income instead of sitting at home watching TV. That’s also the right mindset.

+1 Maybe the DH is going about everything wrong, but what he is doing will serve them in the end. I tell my husband when he's gone over his restaurant limit. Saving for college is much more important that eating unhealthy food. Sometimes someone has to be in charge of the big picture and financial details. He agrees with me but hates details, so it works for us. In OP's case, I'd insist on a biweekly budget meeting and go over investment returns at least quarterly. She should know all the details.

What he is doing will only serve him in the end if it does not destroy their marriage. He is making the decisions unilaterally - to him, it makes sense that they pay extra on the mortgage, but that was not a joint decision.

Every marriage is different. Different cultures deal with roles in a marriage differently.