“She is going to marry rich”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have two friends who, when they were in college, other girls made comments about, along the lines of, “ she is going to marry rich.” Or, “ you can tell she’ll be a rich stay at home mom one day.”

I recall being confused and surprised by these comments at the time as both of these girls were middle class and had relatively humble roots. I’m curious what it must’ve been that others picked up on as these two did indeed marry rich and live that typical t
Rich stay at home mom lifestyle.

Times have changed. Even ones who marry rich and want to be home with their kids, have to have something going in to keep people quite, even if non profit or "entrepreneur".

[Anonymous]

Class travel through marriage isn’t really a thing anymore. If someone marries, they marry an equal—physically, financially, intellectually and educationally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have two friends who, when they were in college, other girls made comments about, along the lines of, “ she is going to marry rich.” Or, “ you can tell she’ll be a rich stay at home mom one day.”

I recall being confused and surprised by these comments at the time as both of these girls were middle class and had relatively humble roots. I’m curious what it must’ve been that others picked up on as these two did indeed marry rich and live that typical t
Rich stay at home mom lifestyle.

One of my college friend seriously dreamt of becoming a SAHM but ended up becoming a dentist and marrying a lawyer. She gave up work after 3 years of practice when she had kids and recently went back to work after 22 years. She is 56 and planning to retire again when her husband retires. He is 62 and planning to retire at 66. If it weren't for being an empty nester and husband bust at office, she wouldn't have gone back to work. Some people are just chill and not ambitious.

This^. Its not necessarily about acquiring wealth, wealth just helps live a flexible life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My roommate at UF in the 1980's early 80's lol sat herself at the law library to meet a lawyer.

She was from Ohio, had no intention of finishing school.

Took her six weeks. I never saw her again. She moved out of the dorm into BF's apartment and never looked back.

Last I heard she was divorced back in Ohio.

it was bizarre to me at the time.

I kind of want to read the novel of that woman picking herself up again in her 40s!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have only ever heard this said about women who behave in ways that make it clear that "marrying well" is their goal.

So women who keep themselves up very well with very good hygiene and dressing in a way that is appealing and eye catching without being overly trendy or overtly sexy. Often outgoing personalities with really strong social skills -- good at drawing people out, asking questions, making people feel good about themselves. But also status conscious. So they aren't just super nice and friendly, they also know the score and focus their energy and attention on activities and opportunities that will bring them into contact with higher status people. So they don't volunteer at a soup kitchen, but the volunteer for an organization that holds an annual gala to raise money for the soup kitchen. They might major in business (but they'll have a marketing emphasis, not finance) which will put them in contact with ambitious people who value financial success. In college, they are likely to rush a sorority and will be drawn to certain sororities that tend to have more people from wealthy backgrounds or are closely associated with frats with this profile. And so on.

Like I don't think people assign this to someone for their inherent qualities. Being really beautiful or really smart (or not as pretty, or not as smart) is not the qualifier. It's women who seem to be crafting lives to but themselves in a position to marry someone well off.

Also, the women I knew like this in my 20s had no problem cutting a guy loose if he didn't seem ambitious enough or if she was worried about his earning potential. I went to a very high ranked law school and a friend of mine dumped our classmate because, she told me, she could tell he wasn't partnership material and she didn't want to to be carrying them financially after he burned out at a BigLaw job and wanted to go work for the government or in-house for like 200k/yr. She said it matter of fact, like this was a very normal concern. And to her it was. She wanted to marry someone who would afford her a certain lifestyle and opportunities (including the opportunity to SAHM and just do volunteer work if she wanted) and she made dating choices based on that. It's a specific outlook.

She did in fact marry rich and her DH is now a partner at a very profitable NYC firm and she no longer works but is on the board of a couple arts organizations.

damn, this is it.

you said it perfectly girlfriend.

This post is from months ago but so damn spot on I had to comment. Also went to a top law school and saw this phenomenon up close. The women never were as blunt as your friend, but I heard things like he’s not ambitious enough, not hard working enough, not generous enough, eventually wants a pre nup. These women also worked hard to put themselves in proximity to the finance guys at the b school and 10-15 years later, married them, live in multi million dollar homes, have lavish vacations, and full time day and night nannies.

I can’t even say they were totally wrong. I have a few other friends who didn’t think much of a man’s career or work ethic while dating. They now make subtle complaints about having a husband who doesn’t make much, has little drive, had no interest in business school etc. They love their husbands but have regret that they are carrying so much of the financial load.

That’s not all it’s cracked up to be. Those high-earning, hustling MBA husbands tend to be emotionally unavailable, addicted to the next challenge/thrill and work long hours. The traits that got them where they are professionally are not conducive to long-term monogamous marriage & childrearing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have two friends who, when they were in college, other girls made comments about, along the lines of, “ she is going to marry rich.” Or, “ you can tell she’ll be a rich stay at home mom one day.”

I recall being confused and surprised by these comments at the time as both of these girls were middle class and had relatively humble roots. I’m curious what it must’ve been that others picked up on as these two did indeed marry rich and live that typical t
Rich stay at home mom lifestyle.

Did they want that lifestyle and try to date rich? Were they very attractive? Were they very outgoing and personably? If all three are true, then it's a reasonable prediction

Op here. Hmm they were both pretty although not strikingly so. Both did dress in a conservative preppy fashion with Pearl earrings and lily pulitzer dresses.

One of them would wear expensive clothes and go into debt to look a certain way. The other turned down any guy who wasn’t also preppy and I guess by association, rich?

So many “starving artists” with huge trust funds hiding in plain sight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have two friends who, when they were in college, other girls made comments about, along the lines of, “ she is going to marry rich.” Or, “ you can tell she’ll be a rich stay at home mom one day.”

I recall being confused and surprised by these comments at the time as both of these girls were middle class and had relatively humble roots. I’m curious what it must’ve been that others picked up on as these two did indeed marry rich and live that typical t
Rich stay at home mom lifestyle.

Good looking and caregiver types tend to gravitate towards being SAHM. People can tell because good looks attract successful husbands and caregivers become over involved in taking care of family so high odds of them ending up SAHM.

This^. Idk anyone who aimed for it, many just fell into it as husbands were too busy being ambitious and they ended up carrying whole load of family life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can tell my DD would be supporting someone instead of getting support. When you are smart enough to earn well but kind enough to feel an urge to help everyone, aware enough to avoid materialistic people, marrying rich isn't something you value.

Same here. My DD and DS both are the type bound to support their partners, which is fine as long as it makes them happy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Class travel through marriage isn’t really a thing anymore. If someone marries, they marry an equal—physically, financially, intellectually and educationally.

Surely you’re saying this with so much confidence you have more than anecdotes to back it up, right?


There’s a whole subculture of America, I’ll call it “non-DCUM” ie the 329,999,500 people who don’t use DCUM, where all sorts of people with different backgrounds, appearances, education, marry each other. I know ugly people married to attractive people, poor married to rich, PhDs married to bachelors, Episcopalians married to Catholics (ok, I made that one up). But it happens and it probably happens around you too - but you’re so anxious to put people in categories you don’t know about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Class travel through marriage isn’t really a thing anymore. If someone marries, they marry an equal—physically, financially, intellectually and educationally.

PP who bumped the thread. I don’t disagree, but should clarify. The women in my law school class were often generationally UMC. Think parents/grandparents who were dermatologists or mid law partners who were paying for their educations so they had no or minimal loans. They were very much of that UMC set.

Their goal was to marry a man with at minimum a similar financial background who also had big financial aspirations. So they aren’t seriously considering the hipster who wants to work for the ACLU; they prefer his counterpart at the business school who wants to work in PE or at a hedge fund. That will lead to a very different lifestyle a decade out of school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have two friends who, when they were in college, other girls made comments about, along the lines of, “ she is going to marry rich.” Or, “ you can tell she’ll be a rich stay at home mom one day.”

I recall being confused and surprised by these comments at the time as both of these girls were middle class and had relatively humble roots. I’m curious what it must’ve been that others picked up on as these two did indeed marry rich and live that typical t
Rich stay at home mom lifestyle.

Did they want that lifestyle and try to date rich? Were they very attractive? Were they very outgoing and personably? If all three are true, then it's a reasonable prediction

Op here. Hmm they were both pretty although not strikingly so. Both did dress in a conservative preppy fashion with Pearl earrings and lily pulitzer dresses.

One of them would wear expensive clothes and go into debt to look a certain way. The other turned down any guy who wasn’t also preppy and I guess by association, rich?

If you know the answer why did you ask?

Dress for the job you want.

[Anonymous]

Imho marrying in families financially similar to our own works better for most. Going too high or too low can only complicates things for everyone involved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pretty but not too pretty
Smart but not too smart

Not enough. You need proximity.

+1

This is how Kate got Will. They made sure she was in his path at school, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Class travel through marriage isn’t really a thing anymore. If someone marries, they marry an equal—physically, financially, intellectually and educationally.

Surely you’re saying this with so much confidence you have more than anecdotes to back it up, right?


There’s a whole subculture of America, I’ll call it “non-DCUM” ie the 329,999,500 people who don’t use DCUM, where all sorts of people with different backgrounds, appearances, education, marry each other. I know ugly people married to attractive people, poor married to rich, PhDs married to bachelors, Episcopalians married to Catholics (ok, I made that one up). But it happens and it probably happens around you too - but you’re so anxious to put people in categories you don’t know about it.

Sure they are. There are exceptions of course, but you don’t see couples in the NYT wedding announcements where the bride is a gas station attendant & the groom is a banker at Goldman, or vice-versa.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Class travel through marriage isn’t really a thing anymore. If someone marries, they marry an equal—physically, financially, intellectually and educationally.

Surely you’re saying this with so much confidence you have more than anecdotes to back it up, right?


There’s a whole subculture of America, I’ll call it “non-DCUM” ie the 329,999,500 people who don’t use DCUM, where all sorts of people with different backgrounds, appearances, education, marry each other. I know ugly people married to attractive people, poor married to rich, PhDs married to bachelors, Episcopalians married to Catholics (ok, I made that one up). But it happens and it probably happens around you too - but you’re so anxious to put people in categories you don’t know about it.

Sure they are. There are exceptions of course, but you don’t see couples in the NYT wedding announcements where the bride is a gas station attendant & the groom is a banker at Goldman, or vice-versa.

Lol I stopped reading at “NYT wedding announcements”. What an obviously biased dataset.