“She is going to marry rich”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have two friends who, when they were in college, other girls made comments about, along the lines of, “ she is going to marry rich.” Or, “ you can tell she’ll be a rich stay at home mom one day.”

I recall being confused and surprised by these comments at the time as both of these girls were middle class and had relatively humble roots. I’m curious what it must’ve been that others picked up on as these two did indeed marry rich and live that typical t
Rich stay at home mom lifestyle.

Good looking and caregiver types tend to gravitate towards being SAHM. People can tell because good looks attract successful husbands and caregivers become over involved in taking care of family so high odds of them ending up SAHM.

[Anonymous]

Usually beautiful and high maintenance girls are more likely to attract AND want wealth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have two friends who, when they were in college, other girls made comments about, along the lines of, “ she is going to marry rich.” Or, “ you can tell she’ll be a rich stay at home mom one day.”

I recall being confused and surprised by these comments at the time as both of these girls were middle class and had relatively humble roots. I’m curious what it must’ve been that others picked up on as these two did indeed marry rich and live that typical t
Rich stay at home mom lifestyle.

Did they want that lifestyle and try to date rich? Were they very attractive? Were they very outgoing and personably? If all three are true, then it's a reasonable prediction

Op here. Hmm they were both pretty although not strikingly so. Both did dress in a conservative preppy fashion with Pearl earrings and lily pulitzer dresses.

One of them would wear expensive clothes and go into debt to look a certain way. The other turned down any guy who wasn’t also preppy and I guess by association, rich?

I feel like it is at best really lame - at worst pathetic bordering on creepy - that you are thinking about this at all, much less in detail, years later. How weird. Also you have no idea why she turned guys down. For real though, why are you even thinking about this right now

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
One of my college friend seriously dreamt of becoming a SAHM but ended up becoming a dentist and marrying a lawyer. She gave up work after 3 years of practice when she had kids and recently went back to work after 22 years. She is 56 and planning to retire again when her husband retires. He is 62 and planning to retire at 66. If it weren't for being an empty nester and husband bust at office, she wouldn't have gone back to work. Some people are just chill and not ambitious.

Similar story here - different career but close enough. I never became a SAHM but I did mommy track myself for 10 years, then as my youngest entered school full time plus afternoons filled with sports commitments, I decided to refocus on my career and the earnings gap between DH and I has shrunk. It wouldn't have worked if DH didn't make enough to cover us during the 10 years I was working relatively little.

[Anonymous]

Did I go to the wrong school or something? UF, 15-18 years ago, and the guys were not looking for wives. All my college stuff was messy hookups. So sure I found those engineers and doctors and lawyers but they just wanted to call me drunk. And I didn’t know anyone who married their college sweetheart, so it wasn’t just me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did I go to the wrong school or something? UF, 15-18 years ago, and the guys were not looking for wives. All my college stuff was messy hookups. So sure I found those engineers and doctors and lawyers but they just wanted to call me drunk. And I didn’t know anyone who married their college sweetheart, so it wasn’t just me.

Most of my male friends did marry their college sweethearts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did I go to the wrong school or something? UF, 15-18 years ago, and the guys were not looking for wives. All my college stuff was messy hookups. So sure I found those engineers and doctors and lawyers but they just wanted to call me drunk. And I didn’t know anyone who married their college sweetheart, so it wasn’t just me.

UF? You went to a school that routinely makes the Top 10 Party List and the Top 10 Sluttiest Students List and you're surprised there weren't more marriages? Why do you think the male students enrolled there?

[Anonymous]

There is stress and risk in life, no matter the circumstances. Women who want to marry wealthy men so they can be a kept woman risk not being able to leave if he cheats or becomes cruel or abusive. They become stressed when they’re held to unrealistic physical standard.

Women who choose the career track are similarly stressed due to career pressures and risk of job loss.

Choose your stress and risk.

Personally I’d rather have a career and skills so that I know I can support myself and my children no matter what happens with my romantic relationship, and this is something that no prenup or off limits trust fund could ever take away from me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have two friends who, when they were in college, other girls made comments about, along the lines of, “ she is going to marry rich.” Or, “ you can tell she’ll be a rich stay at home mom one day.”

I recall being confused and surprised by these comments at the time as both of these girls were middle class and had relatively humble roots. I’m curious what it must’ve been that others picked up on as these two did indeed marry rich and live that typical t
Rich stay at home mom lifestyle.

I have a friend like this and my parents suggested they thought she'd marry rich someday and did she ever! She married into a well known family with very deep generational wealth. She's pretty but far from gorgeous, but she has a huge personality and from a young age she was smart and ambitious. Her family is also wealthy but not even close to the level of wealth she married into.

I don’t mind one friend saying this about another, but it is super weird that your parents made this comment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did I go to the wrong school or something? UF, 15-18 years ago, and the guys were not looking for wives. All my college stuff was messy hookups. So sure I found those engineers and doctors and lawyers but they just wanted to call me drunk. And I didn’t know anyone who married their college sweetheart, so it wasn’t just me.

UF? You went to a school that routinely makes the Top 10 Party List and the Top 10 Sluttiest Students List and you're surprised there weren't more marriages? Why do you think the male students enrolled there?

I met mine at UCF. He was in grad school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have only ever heard this said about women who behave in ways that make it clear that "marrying well" is their goal.

So women who keep themselves up very well with very good hygiene and dressing in a way that is appealing and eye catching without being overly trendy or overtly sexy. Often outgoing personalities with really strong social skills -- good at drawing people out, asking questions, making people feel good about themselves. But also status conscious. So they aren't just super nice and friendly, they also know the score and focus their energy and attention on activities and opportunities that will bring them into contact with higher status people. So they don't volunteer at a soup kitchen, but the volunteer for an organization that holds an annual gala to raise money for the soup kitchen. They might major in business (but they'll have a marketing emphasis, not finance) which will put them in contact with ambitious people who value financial success. In college, they are likely to rush a sorority and will be drawn to certain sororities that tend to have more people from wealthy backgrounds or are closely associated with frats with this profile. And so on.

Like I don't think people assign this to someone for their inherent qualities. Being really beautiful or really smart (or not as pretty, or not as smart) is not the qualifier. It's women who seem to be crafting lives to but themselves in a position to marry someone well off.

Also, the women I knew like this in my 20s had no problem cutting a guy loose if he didn't seem ambitious enough or if she was worried about his earning potential. I went to a very high ranked law school and a friend of mine dumped our classmate because, she told me, she could tell he wasn't partnership material and she didn't want to to be carrying them financially after he burned out at a BigLaw job and wanted to go work for the government or in-house for like 200k/yr. She said it matter of fact, like this was a very normal concern. And to her it was. She wanted to marry someone who would afford her a certain lifestyle and opportunities (including the opportunity to SAHM and just do volunteer work if she wanted) and she made dating choices based on that. It's a specific outlook.

She did in fact marry rich and her DH is now a partner at a very profitable NYC firm and she no longer works but is on the board of a couple arts organizations.

damn, this is it.

you said it perfectly girlfriend.

[Anonymous]

I’ve seen this twice where people said this about someone. One girl in high school was very pretty, cheerleader. She dated a college quarterback. When that fizzled she later married a NFL football that did pretty well for himself. They are now divorced but she’s still quite striking and lives off alimony I suppose because she does not work outside of home. The other girl from high school was a nurse but later quit that and married a GI doc with own practice. Both have kids in private school, look fit, very nice home etc.

[Anonymous]

I can tell my DD would be supporting someone instead of getting support. When you are smart enough to earn well but kind enough to feel an urge to help everyone, aware enough to avoid materialistic people, marrying rich isn't something you value.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have two friends who, when they were in college, other girls made comments about, along the lines of, “ she is going to marry rich.” Or, “ you can tell she’ll be a rich stay at home mom one day.”

I recall being confused and surprised by these comments at the time as both of these girls were middle class and had relatively humble roots. I’m curious what it must’ve been that others picked up on as these two did indeed marry rich and live that typical t
Rich stay at home mom lifestyle.

Being focused and throwing some elbow to get what you want?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have only ever heard this said about women who behave in ways that make it clear that "marrying well" is their goal.

So women who keep themselves up very well with very good hygiene and dressing in a way that is appealing and eye catching without being overly trendy or overtly sexy. Often outgoing personalities with really strong social skills -- good at drawing people out, asking questions, making people feel good about themselves. But also status conscious. So they aren't just super nice and friendly, they also know the score and focus their energy and attention on activities and opportunities that will bring them into contact with higher status people. So they don't volunteer at a soup kitchen, but the volunteer for an organization that holds an annual gala to raise money for the soup kitchen. They might major in business (but they'll have a marketing emphasis, not finance) which will put them in contact with ambitious people who value financial success. In college, they are likely to rush a sorority and will be drawn to certain sororities that tend to have more people from wealthy backgrounds or are closely associated with frats with this profile. And so on.

Like I don't think people assign this to someone for their inherent qualities. Being really beautiful or really smart (or not as pretty, or not as smart) is not the qualifier. It's women who seem to be crafting lives to but themselves in a position to marry someone well off.

Also, the women I knew like this in my 20s had no problem cutting a guy loose if he didn't seem ambitious enough or if she was worried about his earning potential. I went to a very high ranked law school and a friend of mine dumped our classmate because, she told me, she could tell he wasn't partnership material and she didn't want to to be carrying them financially after he burned out at a BigLaw job and wanted to go work for the government or in-house for like 200k/yr. She said it matter of fact, like this was a very normal concern. And to her it was. She wanted to marry someone who would afford her a certain lifestyle and opportunities (including the opportunity to SAHM and just do volunteer work if she wanted) and she made dating choices based on that. It's a specific outlook.

She did in fact marry rich and her DH is now a partner at a very profitable NYC firm and she no longer works but is on the board of a couple arts organizations.

damn, this is it.

you said it perfectly girlfriend.

This post is from months ago but so damn spot on I had to comment. Also went to a top law school and saw this phenomenon up close. The women never were as blunt as your friend, but I heard things like he’s not ambitious enough, not hard working enough, not generous enough, eventually wants a pre nup. These women also worked hard to put themselves in proximity to the finance guys at the b school and 10-15 years later, married them, live in multi million dollar homes, have lavish vacations, and full time day and night nannies.

I can’t even say they were totally wrong. I have a few other friends who didn’t think much of a man’s career or work ethic while dating. They now make subtle complaints about having a husband who doesn’t make much, has little drive, had no interest in business school etc. They love their husbands but have regret that they are carrying so much of the financial load.