“She is going to marry rich”

[Anonymous]

My parents' friends said once this about me when I was a teenager, but they were raised in a sexist culture and meant it as a compliment because in their eyes, the greatest, most desirable achievement for a woman is to marry rich. On the other hand, their other friend's son got the "He will be rich one day" compliments.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have two friends who, when they were in college, other girls made comments about, along the lines of, “ she is going to marry rich.” Or, “ you can tell she’ll be a rich stay at home mom one day.”

I recall being confused and surprised by these comments at the time as both of these girls were middle class and had relatively humble roots. I’m curious what it must’ve been that others picked up on as these two did indeed marry rich and live that typical t
Rich stay at home mom lifestyle.

One of my college friend seriously dreamt of becoming a SAHM but ended up becoming a dentist and marrying a lawyer. She gave up work after 3 years of practice when she had kids and recently went back to work after 22 years. She is 56 and planning to retire again when her husband retires. He is 62 and planning to retire at 66. If it weren't for being an empty nester and husband bust at office, she wouldn't have gone back to work. Some people are just chill and not ambitious.

This^. Its not necessarily about acquiring wealth, wealth just helps live a flexible life.

That is wealth, compared to someone who has to get a job and make a home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can only say that of someone who expresses that goal. Otherwise, how on earth would you know?

I could see this comment happening in the south with a really good looking, lots of makeup, tan blond college sorority woman. The kind of city and culture where many simply fall into their role, go to their parents’ college, get married by age 25, and the women rarely work fulltime.

In addition to the church episcopal and Presbyterian types, I could also see this comment made in Great Neck about over dressed, high maintenance Jewish American princesses.

Now that write this I think they’d all make very like-minded friends, if they ever actually ran across each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did I go to the wrong school or something? UF, 15-18 years ago, and the guys were not looking for wives. All my college stuff was messy hookups. So sure I found those engineers and doctors and lawyers but they just wanted to call me drunk. And I didn’t know anyone who married their college sweetheart, so it wasn’t just me.

Most of my male friends did marry their college sweethearts.

Was this in Texas or NOrth Carolina or something?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can only say that of someone who expresses that goal. Otherwise, how on earth would you know?

I could see this comment happening in the south with a really good looking, lots of makeup, tan blond college sorority woman. The kind of city and culture where many simply fall into their role, go to their parents’ college, get married by age 25, and the women rarely work fulltime.

In addition to the church episcopal and Presbyterian types, I could also see this comment made in Great Neck about over dressed, high maintenance Jewish American princesses.

Now that write this I think they’d all make very like-minded friends, if they ever actually ran across each other.

The same thing happens in the DC area, kids “fall into their role” of going to law school, for example, whether they actually want to or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can only say that of someone who expresses that goal. Otherwise, how on earth would you know?

I could see this comment happening in the south with a really good looking, lots of makeup, tan blond college sorority woman. The kind of city and culture where many simply fall into their role, go to their parents’ college, get married by age 25, and the women rarely work fulltime.

In addition to the church episcopal and Presbyterian types, I could also see this comment made in Great Neck about over dressed, high maintenance Jewish American princesses.

Now that write this I think they’d all make very like-minded friends, if they ever actually ran across each other.

Agree, wasps and Japs would have a lot to gossip about if they lived in the same vicinity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have only ever heard this said about women who behave in ways that make it clear that "marrying well" is their goal.

So women who keep themselves up very well with very good hygiene and dressing in a way that is appealing and eye catching without being overly trendy or overtly sexy. Often outgoing personalities with really strong social skills -- good at drawing people out, asking questions, making people feel good about themselves. But also status conscious. So they aren't just super nice and friendly, they also know the score and focus their energy and attention on activities and opportunities that will bring them into contact with higher status people. So they don't volunteer at a soup kitchen, but the volunteer for an organization that holds an annual gala to raise money for the soup kitchen. They might major in business (but they'll have a marketing emphasis, not finance) which will put them in contact with ambitious people who value financial success. In college, they are likely to rush a sorority and will be drawn to certain sororities that tend to have more people from wealthy backgrounds or are closely associated with frats with this profile. And so on.

Like I don't think people assign this to someone for their inherent qualities. Being really beautiful or really smart (or not as pretty, or not as smart) is not the qualifier. It's women who seem to be crafting lives to but themselves in a position to marry someone well off.

Also, the women I knew like this in my 20s had no problem cutting a guy loose if he didn't seem ambitious enough or if she was worried about his earning potential. I went to a very high ranked law school and a friend of mine dumped our classmate because, she told me, she could tell he wasn't partnership material and she didn't want to to be carrying them financially after he burned out at a BigLaw job and wanted to go work for the government or in-house for like 200k/yr. She said it matter of fact, like this was a very normal concern. And to her it was. She wanted to marry someone who would afford her a certain lifestyle and opportunities (including the opportunity to SAHM and just do volunteer work if she wanted) and she made dating choices based on that. It's a specific outlook.

She did in fact marry rich and her DH is now a partner at a very profitable NYC firm and she no longer works but is on the board of a couple arts organizations.

The guy who was cut loose... did he make partner?

[Anonymous]

To me it just means she isn't particularly romantic, has a bit of a mercenary outlook and puts herself first.
I had several friends in college like this, none of them were even pretty but they would not hesitate to dump a guy who seemed unambitious while I stuck around with the same loser for years afraid of hurting his feelings. They all were single throughout their 20s and ended up marrying in their early 30s to bald, overweight rich guys.
I am objectively more attractive than they are and married a guy I am very attracted to with not much money...which is what my friends would have predicted for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have only ever heard this said about women who behave in ways that make it clear that "marrying well" is their goal.

So women who keep themselves up very well with very good hygiene and dressing in a way that is appealing and eye catching without being overly trendy or overtly sexy. Often outgoing personalities with really strong social skills -- good at drawing people out, asking questions, making people feel good about themselves. But also status conscious. So they aren't just super nice and friendly, they also know the score and focus their energy and attention on activities and opportunities that will bring them into contact with higher status people. So they don't volunteer at a soup kitchen, but the volunteer for an organization that holds an annual gala to raise money for the soup kitchen. They might major in business (but they'll have a marketing emphasis, not finance) which will put them in contact with ambitious people who value financial success. In college, they are likely to rush a sorority and will be drawn to certain sororities that tend to have more people from wealthy backgrounds or are closely associated with frats with this profile. And so on.

Like I don't think people assign this to someone for their inherent qualities. Being really beautiful or really smart (or not as pretty, or not as smart) is not the qualifier. It's women who seem to be crafting lives to but themselves in a position to marry someone well off.

Also, the women I knew like this in my 20s had no problem cutting a guy loose if he didn't seem ambitious enough or if she was worried about his earning potential. I went to a very high ranked law school and a friend of mine dumped our classmate because, she told me, she could tell he wasn't partnership material and she didn't want to to be carrying them financially after he burned out at a BigLaw job and wanted to go work for the government or in-house for like 200k/yr. She said it matter of fact, like this was a very normal concern. And to her it was. She wanted to marry someone who would afford her a certain lifestyle and opportunities (including the opportunity to SAHM and just do volunteer work if she wanted) and she made dating choices based on that. It's a specific outlook.

She did in fact marry rich and her DH is now a partner at a very profitable NYC firm and she no longer works but is on the board of a couple arts organizations.

The guy who was cut loose... did he make partner?

Probably became a public defender

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To me it just means she isn't particularly romantic, has a bit of a mercenary outlook and puts herself first.
I had several friends in college like this, none of them were even pretty but they would not hesitate to dump a guy who seemed unambitious while I stuck around with the same loser for years afraid of hurting his feelings. They all were single throughout their 20s and ended up marrying in their early 30s to bald, overweight rich guys.
I am objectively more attractive than they are and married a guy I am very attracted to with not much money...which is what my friends would have predicted for me.

Who's happier I wonder.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have only ever heard this said about women who behave in ways that make it clear that "marrying well" is their goal.

So women who keep themselves up very well with very good hygiene and dressing in a way that is appealing and eye catching without being overly trendy or overtly sexy. Often outgoing personalities with really strong social skills -- good at drawing people out, asking questions, making people feel good about themselves. But also status conscious. So they aren't just super nice and friendly, they also know the score and focus their energy and attention on activities and opportunities that will bring them into contact with higher status people. So they don't volunteer at a soup kitchen, but the volunteer for an organization that holds an annual gala to raise money for the soup kitchen. They might major in business (but they'll have a marketing emphasis, not finance) which will put them in contact with ambitious people who value financial success. In college, they are likely to rush a sorority and will be drawn to certain sororities that tend to have more people from wealthy backgrounds or are closely associated with frats with this profile. And so on.

Like I don't think people assign this to someone for their inherent qualities. Being really beautiful or really smart (or not as pretty, or not as smart) is not the qualifier. It's women who seem to be crafting lives to but themselves in a position to marry someone well off.

Also, the women I knew like this in my 20s had no problem cutting a guy loose if he didn't seem ambitious enough or if she was worried about his earning potential. I went to a very high ranked law school and a friend of mine dumped our classmate because, she told me, she could tell he wasn't partnership material and she didn't want to to be carrying them financially after he burned out at a BigLaw job and wanted to go work for the government or in-house for like 200k/yr. She said it matter of fact, like this was a very normal concern. And to her it was. She wanted to marry someone who would afford her a certain lifestyle and opportunities (including the opportunity to SAHM and just do volunteer work if she wanted) and she made dating choices based on that. It's a specific outlook.

She did in fact marry rich and her DH is now a partner at a very profitable NYC firm and she no longer works but is on the board of a couple arts organizations.

The guy who was cut loose... did he make partner?

Who cares

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have two friends who, when they were in college, other girls made comments about, along the lines of, “ she is going to marry rich.” Or, “ you can tell she’ll be a rich stay at home mom one day.”

I recall being confused and surprised by these comments at the time as both of these girls were middle class and had relatively humble roots. I’m curious what it must’ve been that others picked up on as these two did indeed marry rich and live that typical t
Rich stay at home mom lifestyle.

Just look at the mother.

Does she work? Down to earth? Educated? Lived a few cities or states not in her home state?
Tons of highlights, Botox, overpriced leased vehicle, designer everything?
Lunch and tennis dates?

I have friends or contacts like this. Many feel trapped in their Old Money spheres yet not confident enough to not go to the same state flagship, sorority, non profit and end city as their parents did.

Oh well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have two friends who, when they were in college, other girls made comments about, along the lines of, “ she is going to marry rich.” Or, “ you can tell she’ll be a rich stay at home mom one day.”

I recall being confused and surprised by these comments at the time as both of these girls were middle class and had relatively humble roots. I’m curious what it must’ve been that others picked up on as these two did indeed marry rich and live that typical t
Rich stay at home mom lifestyle.

Did they want that lifestyle and try to date rich? Were they very attractive? Were they very outgoing and personably? If all three are true, then it's a reasonable prediction

Op here. Hmm they were both pretty although not strikingly so. Both did dress in a conservative preppy fashion with Pearl earrings and lily pulitzer dresses.

One of them would wear expensive clothes and go into debt to look a certain way. The other turned down any guy who wasn’t also preppy and I guess by association, rich?

The people I know who go into debt but wear Gucci (and post incessantly about it on social media) do not attract decent guys- forget wealthy. They attract similar flashy but trashy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Class travel through marriage isn’t really a thing anymore. If someone marries, they marry an equal—physically, financially, intellectually and educationally.

Easiest way is to find a less attractive guy with $$$. Hot guys w/ $$$ have too many options

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have only ever heard this said about women who behave in ways that make it clear that "marrying well" is their goal.

So women who keep themselves up very well with very good hygiene and dressing in a way that is appealing and eye catching without being overly trendy or overtly sexy. Often outgoing personalities with really strong social skills -- good at drawing people out, asking questions, making people feel good about themselves. But also status conscious. So they aren't just super nice and friendly, they also know the score and focus their energy and attention on activities and opportunities that will bring them into contact with higher status people. So they don't volunteer at a soup kitchen, but the volunteer for an organization that holds an annual gala to raise money for the soup kitchen. They might major in business (but they'll have a marketing emphasis, not finance) which will put them in contact with ambitious people who value financial success. In college, they are likely to rush a sorority and will be drawn to certain sororities that tend to have more people from wealthy backgrounds or are closely associated with frats with this profile. And so on.

Like I don't think people assign this to someone for their inherent qualities. Being really beautiful or really smart (or not as pretty, or not as smart) is not the qualifier. It's women who seem to be crafting lives to but themselves in a position to marry someone well off.

Also, the women I knew like this in my 20s had no problem cutting a guy loose if he didn't seem ambitious enough or if she was worried about his earning potential. I went to a very high ranked law school and a friend of mine dumped our classmate because, she told me, she could tell he wasn't partnership material and she didn't want to to be carrying them financially after he burned out at a BigLaw job and wanted to go work for the government or in-house for like 200k/yr. She said it matter of fact, like this was a very normal concern. And to her it was. She wanted to marry someone who would afford her a certain lifestyle and opportunities (including the opportunity to SAHM and just do volunteer work if she wanted) and she made dating choices based on that. It's a specific outlook.

She did in fact marry rich and her DH is now a partner at a very profitable NYC firm and she no longer works but is on the board of a couple arts organizations.

Wow, this is pretty good. I was a smart nerdy girl and married a smart nerdy guy who ended up making millions. I meet other rich wives and I don’t really fit in with them. There are so many women like pp described! These women are perfectly polite but always seem like they have some sort of agenda. They are like this with their kids’ friends. My kids are borderline good enough. We are rich, members of a country club, travel, etc. but I probably don’t really offer anything more than friendship.