Gender Tropes, Reluctant Truths

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Simple question: When it comes to these marriage/relationship/gender discussions and debates, what is one trope that rings more true about your own gender than you would like to readily admit?

I'm often engaged in these discussions trying to provide a male perspective on a lot of the issues that are raised. I'm often called misogynist or MRA for some of the opinions I raise here, and that is to be expected on the internet and with such charged topics. I think one problem with these discussions is that people cannot separate their immediate circle, circumstances and experiences from broader set of actors and forces in the dating/marriage landscape. My circle of friends is largely responsible, respectful, self-sufficient, intelligent men, so it can be hard for me to fathom and really digest a lot of the complaints about men that I hear, because it is not reflective of my immediate surroundings. I have to do extra work to overcome my cognitive biases and ingest those possibilities (realities) and realize that there is an entire other universe of men out there that are not like my friend group or circle. This factors into how women conduct themselves, vet mates, follow certain "rules", etc.

I was reminded of this last month when told story about a friend's husband who unilaterally scheduled an invasive procedure without consulting her that would immobilize him for a while, under the assumption that his younger wife just handle everything, including the finances, her own, time-consuming, full-time job, the kids and pets and her own ailing parent. Like...who does that?

Another problem is that people dig in their heels and just reject anything that goes against their team/gender, which completely belies the complexity and gray areas of some of these topics. So maybe for one thread we can not do that?

So the reluctant truth: A lot more men than I would like to admit do just want a wife to "mother" them and completely handle everything in their lives and they are kind of bummy.

Anyone have any?

I'm pretty sure you actually are a man because of the bolded. Do you really think that getting folks on DCUM to go along with your instructions on how to think and express themselves is just simply a matter of asking them to not think or say things a certain way? Can't wait to see how that goes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parental alienation by women is a crisis.

OP here. Whoa, can you say more about this? You mean because they're working outside of the house too much?

No, I mean divorced mothers turning their kids away from their fathers purposely.

Ah, I see. Thank you for clarifying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parental alienation by women is a crisis.

OP here. Whoa, can you say more about this? You mean because they're working outside of the house too much?

No, I mean divorced mothers turning their kids away from their fathers purposely.

Oh god, it’s you, come to ruin another thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Simple question: When it comes to these marriage/relationship/gender discussions and debates, what is one trope that rings more true about your own gender than you would like to readily admit?

I'm often engaged in these discussions trying to provide a male perspective on a lot of the issues that are raised. I'm often called misogynist or MRA for some of the opinions I raise here, and that is to be expected on the internet and with such charged topics. I think one problem with these discussions is that people cannot separate their immediate circle, circumstances and experiences from broader set of actors and forces in the dating/marriage landscape. My circle of friends is largely responsible, respectful, self-sufficient, intelligent men, so it can be hard for me to fathom and really digest a lot of the complaints about men that I hear, because it is not reflective of my immediate surroundings. I have to do extra work to overcome my cognitive biases and ingest those possibilities (realities) and realize that there is an entire other universe of men out there that are not like my friend group or circle. This factors into how women conduct themselves, vet mates, follow certain "rules", etc.

I was reminded of this last month when told story about a friend's husband who unilaterally scheduled an invasive procedure without consulting her that would immobilize him for a while, under the assumption that his younger wife just handle everything, including the finances, her own, time-consuming, full-time job, the kids and pets and her own ailing parent. Like...who does that?

Another problem is that people dig in their heels and just reject anything that goes against their team/gender, which completely belies the complexity and gray areas of some of these topics. So maybe for one thread we can not do that?

So the reluctant truth: A lot more men than I would like to admit do just want a wife to "mother" them and completely handle everything in their lives and they are kind of bummy.

Anyone have any?

I'm pretty sure you actually are a man because of the bolded. Do you really think that getting folks on DCUM to go along with your instructions on how to think and express themselves is just simply a matter of asking them to not think or say things a certain way? Can't wait to see how that goes.

No, I don't. People on DCUM do whatever the eff they want, within the limits of the moderation.

Most people have been ignoring that part of the OP anyway, which is to be expected lol. Hope you have a pleasant wait.

[Anonymous]

As a thought, you could spend more time evaluating why people think you’re sort of a group that encourages abuse, rape, etc. instead of drafting your next think piece. Try to be introspective and not dig in your heels.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a thought, you could spend more time evaluating why people think you’re sort of a group that encourages abuse, rape, etc. instead of drafting your next think piece. Try to be introspective and not dig in your heels.

I've thought about it. Should I also spend some time evaluating why people think I'm a woman trolling as a man? People get labels online, shocker. Not the subject of this thread though. Thanks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a thought, you could spend more time evaluating why people think you’re sort of a group that encourages abuse, rape, etc. instead of drafting your next think piece. Try to be introspective and not dig in your heels.

I've thought about it. Should I also spend some time evaluating why people think I'm a woman trolling as a man? People get labels online, shocker. Not the subject of this thread though. Thanks.

Yes, you should spend time wondering why people are perceiving you differently from what you believe yourself to be. As a woman sure, but MRAs have a body count. If someone mistook me for a member of a group of violent thugs (or violence endorsing thugs) I’d have bigger things to worry about than trying to stir controversy online.

Now remember, your instructions are not to dig in your heels.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a thought, you could spend more time evaluating why people think you’re sort of a group that encourages abuse, rape, etc. instead of drafting your next think piece. Try to be introspective and not dig in your heels.

I've thought about it. Should I also spend some time evaluating why people think I'm a woman trolling as a man? People get labels online, shocker. Not the subject of this thread though. Thanks.

Yes, you should spend time wondering why people are perceiving you differently from what you believe yourself to be. As a woman sure, but MRAs have a body count. If someone mistook me for a member of a group of violent thugs (or violence endorsing thugs) I’d have bigger things to worry about than trying to stir controversy online.

Now remember, your instructions are not to dig in your heels.

You just can't help yourself, can you?

Create a different thread for that subject and stop derailing this one. I think it's a very interesting and clever framing of the subject. Thanks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Parental alienation by women is a crisis.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Simple question: When it comes to these marriage/relationship/gender discussions and debates, what is one trope that rings more true about your own gender than you would like to readily admit?

I'm often engaged in these discussions trying to provide a male perspective on a lot of the issues that are raised. I'm often called misogynist or MRA for some of the opinions I raise here, and that is to be expected on the internet and with such charged topics. I think one problem with these discussions is that people cannot separate their immediate circle, circumstances and experiences from broader set of actors and forces in the dating/marriage landscape. My circle of friends is largely responsible, respectful, self-sufficient, intelligent men, so it can be hard for me to fathom and really digest a lot of the complaints about men that I hear, because it is not reflective of my immediate surroundings. I have to do extra work to overcome my cognitive biases and ingest those possibilities (realities) and realize that there is an entire other universe of men out there that are not like my friend group or circle. This factors into how women conduct themselves, vet mates, follow certain "rules", etc.

I was reminded of this last month when told story about a friend's husband who unilaterally scheduled an invasive procedure without consulting her that would immobilize him for a while, under the assumption that his younger wife just handle everything, including the finances, her own, time-consuming, full-time job, the kids and pets and her own ailing parent. Like...who does that?

Another problem is that people dig in their heels and just reject anything that goes against their team/gender, which completely belies the complexity and gray areas of some of these topics. So maybe for one thread we can not do that?

So the reluctant truth: A lot more men than I would like to admit do just want a wife to "mother" them and completely handle everything in their lives and they are kind of bummy.

Anyone have any?

I feel this is another way to bash women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parental alienation by women is a crisis.

OP here. Whoa, can you say more about this? You mean because they're working outside of the house too much?

Dp It has been proven that single women/no kids make 97 cents of a man's salery. Married women with children do way more work in the home and at the office and get "punished" in their jobs but, married fathers get more money/praise than men who do not have children.

https://www.nytimes.com/2014/09/07/upshot/a-child-helps-your-career-if-youre-a-man.html

[Anonymous]

Man here, what's usually but almost always true:

Women do way more of the mental and emotional labor than men. Even if men stepped up and took some of it off their wife's plate, it still isn't going to make her want to sleep with him

[Anonymous]

Reluctant truth: women don’t want to “marry down,” including enlightened feminists. In fact, a woman will remain single or have children with donor sperm before they willingly marry down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Reluctant truth: women don’t want to “marry down,” including enlightened feminists. In fact, a woman will remain single or have children with donor sperm before they willingly marry down.

That is just a normal truth, not a reluctant truth. Just like most men want to marry someone younger (if they can).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Reluctant truth: women don’t want to “marry down,” including enlightened feminists. In fact, a woman will remain single or have children with donor sperm before they willingly marry down.

The opportunity cost and risk to a woman of having kids is extremely high (could end up a poor single mother) so we have to vet carefully.