If you don’t use social media..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I guess I just don’t care what other people are doing who I barely talk to in real life. I have my close friends who I talk to every day and communicate via text/call. But other than that,

I don’t care about some girl who I went to high school with had her 4th child. Or about some old coworker who moved to another state. Even when I had social media, I barely posted a bout my life at all. When I got a new job, got married, bought a house, etc, I kept it all to myself. I don’t see a point in social media.

What’s weird is that if you don’t have one, people look at you like a psychopath. Which is even more bizarre.

I don’t have FB either. And when I mentioned on another thread that I don’t randomly google these people I got called a sociopath.
I just don’t understand. I have friends. I enjoy making new friends. But no, I’ve never had the desire to look up someone I dated or someone I met at work or someone I went to school with twenty years ago.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Same OP. I think quitting FB was the best choice for my mental health but I definitely feel disconnected from people. In particular, it means I’ve totally lost touch with people from my past— high school friends, old colleagues, etc.

But I don’t even maintain a FB account for marketplace or groups. I know if I did, I would wind up using it to look people up and get sucked in somehow. That’s why I quit— it was a time suck and made me too focused on what other people were up to, instead of just minding my own business.

Same here too.

FB is soooooo toxic!

I am much happier, and better connected to my kids since quitting FB and social completely. It is amazing how much more time I have now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess I just don’t care what other people are doing who I barely talk to in real life. I have my close friends who I talk to every day and communicate via text/call. But other than that,

I don’t care about some girl who I went to high school with had her 4th child. Or about some old coworker who moved to another state. Even when I had social media, I barely posted a bout my life at all. When I got a new job, got married, bought a house, etc, I kept it all to myself. I don’t see a point in social media.

What’s weird is that if you don’t have one, people look at you like a psychopath. Which is even more bizarre.

I don’t have FB either. And when I mentioned on another thread that I don’t randomly google these people I got called a sociopath.
I just don’t understand. I have friends. I enjoy making new friends. But no, I’ve never had the desire to look up someone I dated or someone I met at work or someone I went to school with twenty years ago.

Ha! I saw your response, and also saw the response from that total freak who called you a sociopath.

I think the person who called you that is mentally unstable; she might even be the person who created that thread.

[Anonymous]

I am on Facebook regularly. My list of friends is carefully controlled. So it's a great space for me.

I am on Twitter and IG very sparingly. I have accounts there to see what's going on.

These are simply tools. You can control them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The only thing I have is Facebook. But I have unfollowed almost everyone except for true friends and close family (maybe 10 people) that I genuinely care about and they me. I don’t check it that often and mainly use it for news and local updates.

My huge time suck is DCUM and I don’t know how to quit. I have a lot of downtime waiting on my kids in pickup and in the evenings when they are at activities. I need a better and more appealing hobby but I haven’t found one yet.

I posted upthread about quitting FB and being glad but feeling disconnected. I think my DCUM addiction is almost entirely about that. I never posted on here before leaving Facebook. I knew of the site and had used it to get info about childcare and schools, but had never posted and certainly didn't "check it" ever -- it would come up in google searches, I read through the relevant thread, and then forget it existed.

But I became totally addicted during Covid and I think it's because that feeling of disconnection got so intense. But instead of getting back on Facebook, I just started checking this site daily and posting here all the time. It's become my company during the day while I'm working. But it's way too much and it's unhealthy. Just like back when I was on Facebook, I could never really modulate my use -- I'd have it open in my browser all the time and was just constantly checking my feed or poking around on there.

Obviously there is something about my personality that just seeks out connection with other people. I think it's partly about validation, but really I think it's mostly about just wanting people to talk to and connect with. I grew up in a dysfunctional family and barely have a relationship with my parents and siblings (like we talk and I see them, but it's entirely surface and will never be any more than that because there is just too much dysfunction in those relationships going back decades). I'm married and have friends, but I just crave people to talk to and to listen to.

I do think DCUM Is a healthier outlet than Facebook, though, because the anonymous nature keeps it within certain boundaries. I think it's healthier to check this site 10x a day to see if there is a conversation I want to join in on, than to check Facebook to see what everyone is up to. But it's still too much and I would love to modulate it down to something that feels more reasonable.

[Anonymous]

I’m on Reddit and enjoy it for the same reasons I am here. With topics of interest, I find it enjoyable when I can have good discussions with others on similar interests (not all my friends share the same interests!). I have an Instagram account that I hardly post on and have 30 followers who are close friends and family. I use Instagram for mostly following food blogs for recipes and other random interests. So basically, I don’t use social media to keep up with people I know in real life.

[Anonymous]

Social media is not real anyway so I don't feel like I "miss" anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am on Facebook regularly. My list of friends is carefully controlled. So it's a great space for me.

I am on Twitter and IG very sparingly. I have accounts there to see what's going on.

These are simply tools. You can control them.

Some people control gambling, heroin use, and cigarette smoking.

But too many people easily get addicted. Social media is garbage. Toxic garbage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am on Facebook regularly. My list of friends is carefully controlled. So it's a great space for me.

I am on Twitter and IG very sparingly. I have accounts there to see what's going on.

These are simply tools. You can control them.

Sure, you can control some aspects of social media. But the platforms themselves are not designed to support you in using them in moderation, and they are not designed to support privacy or limits. I use IG in a very controlled way and am fine with my own use, but the people who run IG are working to thwart that. I go on rarely enough it's not an issue, but when I do go on they always have some new feature that is designed to catch my attention and get me to spend more time there. I remember a long time ago it was just a feed with photos from people you followed. Now there's tons of videos and lots of suggested posts and disguised ads. It requires self control to use it the way I want, which is to maintain a private account shared online with a handful of people so that we can share small family and travel updates. I don't have a problem with that control, but just as there are people who struggle with alcohol or drug abuse, I know there are many people who struggle with limiting themselves. The platform is designed to addict, just like other controlled substances as a PP pointed out.

With Facebook, I had to just quit. I could have gone through and meticulously removed the friends who were making that space toxic for me, but it would have been hard because it would have included my sister, my mom, and several coworkers I saw frequently. I could have muted them and limited how much of my account they saw, but they would have noticed and asked about it, and I would have had to lie to keep the peace (I don't want to lie). It was honestly just easier to quit altogether, and I found other, better ways to keep in touch with the people I wanted to interact with, in more private ways that I controlled completely, without needing to carefully set up privacy settings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve never used Facebook. Beyond the opportunity to see a few pictures, it seemed like a time suck. Later, it began to seem toxic as well. I’ve never felt cut off from the people that I want to be in contact with. .

I 100% agree with this PP. I had facebook for a few years and found it to be a toxic time-suck. I don't need to be in touch with kids I went to elementary school with. People that I really keep in touch with I call and see in person. The only thing I miss out on are invitations to events that people only do through facebook. Most of my friends know to get in touch with me personally. I have been much happier without any social media.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve never used Facebook. Beyond the opportunity to see a few pictures, it seemed like a time suck. Later, it began to seem toxic as well. I’ve never felt cut off from the people that I want to be in contact with. .

I 100% agree with this PP. I had facebook for a few years and found it to be a toxic time-suck. I don't need to be in touch with kids I went to elementary school with. People that I really keep in touch with I call and see in person. The only thing I miss out on are invitations to events that people only do through facebook. Most of my friends know to get in touch with me personally. I have been much happier without any social media.

+1

I don't get as many invitations as I used to but my close friends (i.e. the ones I really want to see anyway) still reach out.

Schools and the neighborhood always try to get me back on FB but I just tell them to email me instead and it seems to be working fine.

[Anonymous]

I don't think of Social Media as "social." It seems more like a a never ending holiday card. So I don't feel cut off socially.

[Anonymous]

I am on not social media including LinkedIn and I froze TWN. I don’t exist online

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Since I never used it, I don’t feel cut off.

People who want to communicate with me reach out with emails or texts. And vice versa.

.

Many reasons for me.

I’m 54 with young adult DC - they are on SM. Ignorance is bliss. I don’t want to monitor or read about or see concerning pictures of my DC or their friends.

Originally I decided that FB was far too intrusive and DH in a career that discourages social media presence. Then, I felt like I didn’t want to share any details about DC when they were minors - again intrusive and security concerns.

MIL became active on SM and FB especially so then I knew I’d made the right choice. She oversteps boundaries.

My own addictive personality and I know that I’d get my feelings hurt and would be addicted to FB.

[Anonymous]

“Comparison is the thief of joy.”

Think of Facebook as: “Comparison book.”