How do families pay for aging parents?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In our family, people save for this eventuality and hope it doesn't happen. If it does, they have the money for it, and if it doesn't then that money goes to their kids. Same with deaths - my cemetery plot and headstone were paid for when I was a baby. My nephew and niece are 7 and 3 and theirs' are too.

Not everone is born with that silver spoon 🥄
In their mouth or, in your case, up your derriere!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In our family, people save for this eventuality and hope it doesn't happen. If it does, they have the money for it, and if it doesn't then that money goes to their kids. Same with deaths - my cemetery plot and headstone were paid for when I was a baby. My nephew and niece are 7 and 3 and theirs' are too.

Lol, this is the strangest thing I’ve heard. Although fantastic! (I guess?)

[Anonymous]

My MIL is in a nursing home paid for by Medicaid. The requirements for Medicaid vary by state and I am not sure how they would determine residency for your dad, but they may go by the state of the nursing home he is in, since he would be living in the nursing home.

In Virginia, where my MIL is, the eligibility criteria are a maximum income that is 300% of the SSI amount for an individual (which would equal about $2700/month in 2023) and no more than $2000 in assets. So if your dad’s pension + social security puts him above $2700/month, I am not sure if Medicaid becomes an option.

In my MIL’s case, she met the income requirement (only social security, no pension) and had about $20k in assets when she had a hospital stay that led to nursing home care. We put some of that into a funeral trust, which is an allowable way to spend down assets, and then paid for the nursing home privately out of her funds until she was below the $2000 line. In the month we applied, we paid the nursing home less than the monthly cost until she was below $2000 and they were able to get the rest from Medicaid. So when your parent’s assets are high, that is what you do—you private pay until they qualify for Medicaid, and possibly talk to a lawyer about how to protect some of their assets if there are a lot. We did not talk to a lawyer because my MIL did not have much, and the funeral trust took care of nearly all of it.

[Anonymous]

I just want to say that I WISH my father had 100k.
I just had to order mine groceries because he has no money for food.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In our family, people save for this eventuality and hope it doesn't happen. If it does, they have the money for it, and if it doesn't then that money goes to their kids. Same with deaths - my cemetery plot and headstone were paid for when I was a baby. My nephew and niece are 7 and 3 and theirs' are too.

Lol, this is the strangest thing I’ve heard. Although fantastic! (I guess?)

I honestly thought this was standard. I was SHOCKED in my mid 20's when a friend's relative died and she talked about people giving donations. I was like "Donations for what?" and she said, "To pay for the funeral, the cemetery plot, etc." I had to call my parents to ask questions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In our family, people save for this eventuality and hope it doesn't happen. If it does, they have the money for it, and if it doesn't then that money goes to their kids. Same with deaths - my cemetery plot and headstone were paid for when I was a baby. My nephew and niece are 7 and 3 and theirs' are too.

How do you know where your 3 year old niece will want to be buried?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, aside from the petty poster, there's lots of good info in this thread. The key points again are finding a nursing home where patients can transfer from private pay to Medicaid (ask if they handle the application, etc) and do not sign ANY papers committing you/DH to be responsible for expenses. FWIW, I recommend hiring a lawyer with PROVEN experience on applying for clients for Medicaid. Often they have relations with the agency staff handling the applications and may be more likely to trust them (I speak from experience - both times I had success was when I worked with a lawyer, not a nonprofit rep or the nursing home staff).

If your FiL resides somewhere with more than one appropriate nursing home in the area, it is worth visiting in person as well as researching how they are rated by CMS.

Good luck!

No need to hire sn attorney.

That may be your experience, but apps for both my parents were dinged on the first submission. Would have rather hired the attorney on the first round and been done with it. Was not worth the mental anguish and possible financial exposure waiting out the second app.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In our family, people save for this eventuality and hope it doesn't happen. If it does, they have the money for it, and if it doesn't then that money goes to their kids. Same with deaths - my cemetery plot and headstone were paid for when I was a baby. My nephew and niece are 7 and 3 and theirs' are too.

Lol, this is the strangest thing I’ve heard. Although fantastic! (I guess?)

I honestly thought this was standard. I was SHOCKED in my mid 20's when a friend's relative died and she talked about people giving donations. I was like "Donations for what?" and she said, "To pay for the funeral, the cemetery plot, etc." I had to call my parents to ask questions.

So you were not exposed to people with little to no money until you were in your mid 20s?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In our family, people save for this eventuality and hope it doesn't happen. If it does, they have the money for it, and if it doesn't then that money goes to their kids. Same with deaths - my cemetery plot and headstone were paid for when I was a baby. My nephew and niece are 7 and 3 and theirs' are too.

How do you know where your 3 year old niece will want to be buried?

Agreed. This made sense when people were less mobile. But no way in heck and I getting buried in the small town plot where my brother was buried in the 70s and my mom was buried in recent years. My husband also doesn’t want to be buried in his hometown. Big waste of money with a mobile population. Plus more and more people just want to be cremated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In our family, people save for this eventuality and hope it doesn't happen. If it does, they have the money for it, and if it doesn't then that money goes to their kids. Same with deaths - my cemetery plot and headstone were paid for when I was a baby. My nephew and niece are 7 and 3 and theirs' are too.

Lol, this is the strangest thing I’ve heard. Although fantastic! (I guess?)

PP - Mine, too! My parents told me when my grandparents passed away. They said it's there for me if I want it, and I think I like the idea that I'll end up surrounded by my ancestors.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My MIL is in a nursing home paid for by Medicaid. The requirements for Medicaid vary by state and I am not sure how they would determine residency for your dad, but they may go by the state of the nursing home he is in, since he would be living in the nursing home.

In Virginia, where my MIL is, the eligibility criteria are a maximum income that is 300% of the SSI amount for an individual (which would equal about $2700/month in 2023) and no more than $2000 in assets. So if your dad’s pension + social security puts him above $2700/month, I am not sure if Medicaid becomes an option.

In my MIL’s case, she met the income requirement (only social security, no pension) and had about $20k in assets when she had a hospital stay that led to nursing home care. We put some of that into a funeral trust, which is an allowable way to spend down assets, and then paid for the nursing home privately out of her funds until she was below the $2000 line. In the month we applied, we paid the nursing home less than the monthly cost until she was below $2000 and they were able to get the rest from Medicaid. So when your parent’s assets are high, that is what you do—you private pay until they qualify for Medicaid, and possibly talk to a lawyer about how to protect some of their assets if there are a lot. We did not talk to a lawyer because my MIL did not have much, and the funeral trust took care of nearly all of it.

This is excellent information. We are in a similar situation. We moved my mom into memory care last year, private pay using her own funds. Once her savings is exhausted (which will be in about one year), she'll be left with about $1200 per month in Social Security plus about $500 per month pension, for a total of about $1700 per month which puts her well below the $2700 threshold, so at that point she will qualify for Medicaid. The facility she is in accepts Medicaid so she should be able to stay there. I have an excellent eldercare lawyer who helped us with her durable POA, advance medical directive, and HIPAA documents - he can help with the Medicaid application process, but her finances are so simple and minimal that we may be able to just do it on our own. She has no spouse, no car, no real estate, no other real assets.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My MIL is in a nursing home paid for by Medicaid. The requirements for Medicaid vary by state and I am not sure how they would determine residency for your dad, but they may go by the state of the nursing home he is in, since he would be living in the nursing home.

In Virginia, where my MIL is, the eligibility criteria are a maximum income that is 300% of the SSI amount for an individual (which would equal about $2700/month in 2023) and no more than $2000 in assets. So if your dad’s pension + social security puts him above $2700/month, I am not sure if Medicaid becomes an option.

In my MIL’s case, she met the income requirement (only social security, no pension) and had about $20k in assets when she had a hospital stay that led to nursing home care. We put some of that into a funeral trust, which is an allowable way to spend down assets, and then paid for the nursing home privately out of her funds until she was below the $2000 line. In the month we applied, we paid the nursing home less than the monthly cost until she was below $2000 and they were able to get the rest from Medicaid. So when your parent’s assets are high, that is what you do—you private pay until they qualify for Medicaid, and possibly talk to a lawyer about how to protect some of their assets if there are a lot. We did not talk to a lawyer because my MIL did not have much, and the funeral trust took care of nearly all of it.

This is excellent information. We are in a similar situation. We moved my mom into memory care last year, private pay using her own funds. Once her savings is exhausted (which will be in about one year), she'll be left with about $1200 per month in Social Security plus about $500 per month pension, for a total of about $1700 per month which puts her well below the $2700 threshold, so at that point she will qualify for Medicaid. The facility she is in accepts Medicaid so she should be able to stay there. I have an excellent eldercare lawyer who helped us with her durable POA, advance medical directive, and HIPAA documents - he can help with the Medicaid application process, but her finances are so simple and minimal that we may be able to just do it on our own. She has no spouse, no car, no real estate, no other real assets.

OP here - I think my FIL might not qualify for Medicaid. He gets about $5000 per month between his pension and SS. In that case we have maybe 2-3 years worth of money to pay for his long term care. Then what?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In our family, people save for this eventuality and hope it doesn't happen. If it does, they have the money for it, and if it doesn't then that money goes to their kids. Same with deaths - my cemetery plot and headstone were paid for when I was a baby. My nephew and niece are 7 and 3 and theirs' are too.

Lol, this is the strangest thing I’ve heard. Although fantastic! (I guess?)

I honestly thought this was standard. I was SHOCKED in my mid 20's when a friend's relative died and she talked about people giving donations. I was like "Donations for what?" and she said, "To pay for the funeral, the cemetery plot, etc." I had to call my parents to ask questions.

When you were in your 20s you couldn't figure out that some people are poor?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My MIL is in a nursing home paid for by Medicaid. The requirements for Medicaid vary by state and I am not sure how they would determine residency for your dad, but they may go by the state of the nursing home he is in, since he would be living in the nursing home.

In Virginia, where my MIL is, the eligibility criteria are a maximum income that is 300% of the SSI amount for an individual (which would equal about $2700/month in 2023) and no more than $2000 in assets. So if your dad’s pension + social security puts him above $2700/month, I am not sure if Medicaid becomes an option.

In my MIL’s case, she met the income requirement (only social security, no pension) and had about $20k in assets when she had a hospital stay that led to nursing home care. We put some of that into a funeral trust, which is an allowable way to spend down assets, and then paid for the nursing home privately out of her funds until she was below the $2000 line. In the month we applied, we paid the nursing home less than the monthly cost until she was below $2000 and they were able to get the rest from Medicaid. So when your parent’s assets are high, that is what you do—you private pay until they qualify for Medicaid, and possibly talk to a lawyer about how to protect some of their assets if there are a lot. We did not talk to a lawyer because my MIL did not have much, and the funeral trust took care of nearly all of it.

This is excellent information. We are in a similar situation. We moved my mom into memory care last year, private pay using her own funds. Once her savings is exhausted (which will be in about one year), she'll be left with about $1200 per month in Social Security plus about $500 per month pension, for a total of about $1700 per month which puts her well below the $2700 threshold, so at that point she will qualify for Medicaid. The facility she is in accepts Medicaid so she should be able to stay there. I have an excellent eldercare lawyer who helped us with her durable POA, advance medical directive, and HIPAA documents - he can help with the Medicaid application process, but her finances are so simple and minimal that we may be able to just do it on our own. She has no spouse, no car, no real estate, no other real assets.

OP here - I think my FIL might not qualify for Medicaid. He gets about $5000 per month between his pension and SS. In that case we have maybe 2-3 years worth of money to pay for his long term care. Then what?

Then he goes into a medicaid bed at the nursing home. They will take all but $93 of his $5,000 pension. He will likely have to share a room at that point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My MIL is in a nursing home paid for by Medicaid. The requirements for Medicaid vary by state and I am not sure how they would determine residency for your dad, but they may go by the state of the nursing home he is in, since he would be living in the nursing home.

In Virginia, where my MIL is, the eligibility criteria are a maximum income that is 300% of the SSI amount for an individual (which would equal about $2700/month in 2023) and no more than $2000 in assets. So if your dad’s pension + social security puts him above $2700/month, I am not sure if Medicaid becomes an option.

In my MIL’s case, she met the income requirement (only social security, no pension) and had about $20k in assets when she had a hospital stay that led to nursing home care. We put some of that into a funeral trust, which is an allowable way to spend down assets, and then paid for the nursing home privately out of her funds until she was below the $2000 line. In the month we applied, we paid the nursing home less than the monthly cost until she was below $2000 and they were able to get the rest from Medicaid. So when your parent’s assets are high, that is what you do—you private pay until they qualify for Medicaid, and possibly talk to a lawyer about how to protect some of their assets if there are a lot. We did not talk to a lawyer because my MIL did not have much, and the funeral trust took care of nearly all of it.

This is excellent information. We are in a similar situation. We moved my mom into memory care last year, private pay using her own funds. Once her savings is exhausted (which will be in about one year), she'll be left with about $1200 per month in Social Security plus about $500 per month pension, for a total of about $1700 per month which puts her well below the $2700 threshold, so at that point she will qualify for Medicaid. The facility she is in accepts Medicaid so she should be able to stay there. I have an excellent eldercare lawyer who helped us with her durable POA, advance medical directive, and HIPAA documents - he can help with the Medicaid application process, but her finances are so simple and minimal that we may be able to just do it on our own. She has no spouse, no car, no real estate, no other real assets.

OP here - I think my FIL might not qualify for Medicaid. He gets about $5000 per month between his pension and SS. In that case we have maybe 2-3 years worth of money to pay for his long term care. Then what?

Then he goes into a medicaid bed at the nursing home. They will take all but $93 of his $5,000 pension. He will likely have to share a room at that point.

Yes, Medicaid doesn't allow for private room or for a family to pay the difference, even when in hospice in place.