How do families pay for aging parents?

[Anonymous]

My FIL has dementia and currently lives in another state from DH and his sister with his long term partner who is taking care of him. However at this point this situation is not working and we need to move him. Unfortunately FIL does not have much money (maybe $100,000) and no long term health insurance. So are we on the hook to pay for advanced care facility for him? Or Medicaid? Or Medicare?

While we make decent money we have young kids (daycare payments), are saving for kids colleges and are still paying off our student loans. Do we stop saving for retirement and our kids college to pay for FILs care?

[Anonymous]

Apply for Medicaid ASAP. Get him into a nursing home/elderly care center that will accept a medicaid patient.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Apply for Medicaid ASAP. Get him into a nursing home/elderly care center that will accept a medicaid patient.

Would he qualify for Medicaid if he has a small pension? Also how long does all of this take? Unfortunately we are in a situation where this has to happen sooner than later. Also is Medicaid state specific? He resides in a state where he doesn’t own a house or have a drivers license. His drivers license is going to expire in the state where he originally is from and he no longer has a house there.

[Anonymous]

In our family, people save for this eventuality and hope it doesn't happen. If it does, they have the money for it, and if it doesn't then that money goes to their kids. Same with deaths - my cemetery plot and headstone were paid for when I was a baby. My nephew and niece are 7 and 3 and theirs' are too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In our family, people save for this eventuality and hope it doesn't happen. If it does, they have the money for it, and if it doesn't then that money goes to their kids. Same with deaths - my cemetery plot and headstone were paid for when I was a baby. My nephew and niece are 7 and 3 and theirs' are too.

Op here - well that is great! I totally wish my in laws did that but my MIL had a long protracted early illnesss (in which she died from) and they literally spent all their money taking care of her. So there is nothing left for FIL care

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Apply for Medicaid ASAP. Get him into a nursing home/elderly care center that will accept a medicaid patient.

Would he qualify for Medicaid if he has a small pension? Also how long does all of this take? Unfortunately we are in a situation where this has to happen sooner than later. Also is Medicaid state specific? He resides in a state where he doesn’t own a house or have a drivers license. His drivers license is going to expire in the state where he originally is from and he no longer has a house there.

Where does he file and pay taxes?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Apply for Medicaid ASAP. Get him into a nursing home/elderly care center that will accept a medicaid patient.

Would he qualify for Medicaid if he has a small pension? Also how long does all of this take? Unfortunately we are in a situation where this has to happen sooner than later. Also is Medicaid state specific? He resides in a state where he doesn’t own a house or have a drivers license. His drivers license is going to expire in the state where he originally is from and he no longer has a house there.

Where does he file and pay taxes?

DH and I don’t actually know. SIL does the taxes for FIL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Apply for Medicaid ASAP. Get him into a nursing home/elderly care center that will accept a medicaid patient.

Would he qualify for Medicaid if he has a small pension? Also how long does all of this take? Unfortunately we are in a situation where this has to happen sooner than later. Also is Medicaid state specific? He resides in a state where he doesn’t own a house or have a drivers license. His drivers license is going to expire in the state where he originally is from and he no longer has a house there.

My understanding is that he’ll have to spend down his assets to qualify for Medicaid. Medicaid will take his pension and make up the difference.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In our family, people save for this eventuality and hope it doesn't happen. If it does, they have the money for it, and if it doesn't then that money goes to their kids. Same with deaths - my cemetery plot and headstone were paid for when I was a baby. My nephew and niece are 7 and 3 and theirs' are too.

You have a problem.

[Anonymous]

OP, suggest asking your question in the money forum.

Also, you need to find a way to discuss with a social worker who might advise on options. How to get in touch with someone who can help, not sure. May also need to involve a lawyer if FIL doesn't have specific guidelines for power of attorney.

[Anonymous]

The same thing happened with my MIL. We moved her to be closer to us and applied for Medicaid. She, too, had very little savings. She stayed with us for approximately 3 months until a Medicaid bed was available at a nursing home nearby. We visit frequently and could never manage it if we didn’t move her to the town we live in. We’re able to keep up with her medical appointments. She comes home with us for holidays and our teenagers sometimes go to the special social events at the nursing home, so it has worked out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Apply for Medicaid ASAP. Get him into a nursing home/elderly care center that will accept a medicaid patient.

Would he qualify for Medicaid if he has a small pension? Also how long does all of this take? Unfortunately we are in a situation where this has to happen sooner than later. Also is Medicaid state specific? He resides in a state where he doesn’t own a house or have a drivers license. His drivers license is going to expire in the state where he originally is from and he no longer has a house there.

NP. Yes, he can qualify with a pension, but he’ll have to spend down his savings (paying the nursing home out of pocket) until he reaches the level of savings Medicaid allows. It can take months to get the Medicaid application approved, and you may want to hire a lawyer to complete the application and get it through the process. Each state has it’s own rules and allowances for Medicaid. Look for a nursing home that will take private pay and then will accept Medicaid.

Nursing homes want to get paid and they may try to get you to sign paperwork that says that you will accept responsibility for payment — don’t sign any of those. Be careful and read all contracts carefully so you don’t mistakenly end up on the hook for the bills. A few states have filial responsibility laws where the kids are legally responsible for their parents’ elder care. You can google and see if that includes the state your father lives in, but if he has some savings and Medicaid it’s very unlikely that you’ll ever have to pay.

You may want to repost this thread in the over 55 and eldercare forum.

[Anonymous]

This group was recommended in the Midlife Concerns and Elder Care forum. If you're thinking of moving your FIL here to the DC area, they may be a good resource. https://eldercc.com/

[Anonymous]

Consult an elder care attorney in the state he resides.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The same thing happened with my MIL. We moved her to be closer to us and applied for Medicaid. She, too, had very little savings. She stayed with us for approximately 3 months until a Medicaid bed was available at a nursing home nearby. We visit frequently and could never manage it if we didn’t move her to the town we live in. We’re able to keep up with her medical appointments. She comes home with us for holidays and our teenagers sometimes go to the special social events at the nursing home, so it has worked out.

I thought qualifying for Medicaid only works if you have no home equity, no pension and no savings.