I want my 16mo old to just fight back…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One good spanking If any kid physically injures the other, the consequence is a good whooping to the kid who injured the other.

Do it once, sibling rivalry problems forever solved.

What a fantasy.

[Anonymous]

This is tough. My twin boy would sometimes hit his sister and/or his older brother. We removed, separated, admonished etc. What it took was for the older kid to push him back hard once or twice and for the twin sister to hit him very hard once or twice. They still bicker years later but that was sort of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can someone with basic reading comprehension skills please answer as well?

Oh we can read. You post says you can’t manage two kids at once.

Your post says your kids has a mom with nasty attitude. jc

[Anonymous]

I'm a dad of 11 year old twins if that means anything.

Superyards are your friends. Get a set of 6 panels of superyards. Make a separate pen and as soon as B does anything aggressive, put her there. And you say No biting/hitting/kicking at the same time. Yes, they are only 16 months, but you need to create associations for them. They are slowly learning basic language. At this age, everything that is learned has to be immediate (put the association there) and definite. So, any biting/hitting/kicking is immediately associated with the timeout isolation in the superyard. I know someone else already suggested the playpen, but we found the superyards to be more useful in part because they are more flexible. You can make a hexagon, you can make a rectangle, you can make an odd shape that will fit around other furniture. And it was easier to move it between floors than a playpen.

But the immediate association of biting/hitting/kicking equates to time out in the pen and the verbal reinforcement of saying No hitting/kicking/biting eventually gets through. Be prepared that it will take multiple times and multiple months for this to sink in, but you do need to firmly address this. Some of the patterns that are currently developing are bad and harder to erase without addressing the underlying problem in a way that the toddlers will understand. Right now, A is afraid of B, and believes that she is not safe if her sister is around. But B is learning that she can do something to A and A will be removed. If she wants a toy or other object, she just attacks her sister and you'll remove sister from the item and B will get it. And B is also learning resentment. At that age, physical touch with parents is valuable and comforting. She is learning that you seem to have more affection for A and that if something happens, A will get pampered and loved, but she will not.

[Anonymous]

Also a twin mom and agree with above. We used fencing like that for ours. They never attacked each other but if they had I would separate immediately. They are toddlers. They have not developed self control yet. Having two is overwhelming. Let physical structures help you and act firmly but nicely and separate. She will probably put grow this phase. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a dad of 11 year old twins if that means anything.

Superyards are your friends. Get a set of 6 panels of superyards. Make a separate pen and as soon as B does anything aggressive, put her there. And you say No biting/hitting/kicking at the same time. Yes, they are only 16 months, but you need to create associations for them. They are slowly learning basic language. At this age, everything that is learned has to be immediate (put the association there) and definite. So, any biting/hitting/kicking is immediately associated with the timeout isolation in the superyard. I know someone else already suggested the playpen, but we found the superyards to be more useful in part because they are more flexible. You can make a hexagon, you can make a rectangle, you can make an odd shape that will fit around other furniture. And it was easier to move it between floors than a playpen.

But the immediate association of biting/hitting/kicking equates to time out in the pen and the verbal reinforcement of saying No hitting/kicking/biting eventually gets through. Be prepared that it will take multiple times and multiple months for this to sink in, but you do need to firmly address this. Some of the patterns that are currently developing are bad and harder to erase without addressing the underlying problem in a way that the toddlers will understand. Right now, A is afraid of B, and believes that she is not safe if her sister is around. But B is learning that she can do something to A and A will be removed. If she wants a toy or other object, she just attacks her sister and you'll remove sister from the item and B will get it. And B is also learning resentment. At that age, physical touch with parents is valuable and comforting. She is learning that you seem to have more affection for A and that if something happens, A will get pampered and loved, but she will not.

OP this guy understands twin dynamics! Also there is no shame in taking a parenting class. They have distance and experience and their advice was very helpful for us.
Twin mom. Mine are 25.

[Anonymous]

I haven’t dealt with this issue myself so take this with a grain of salt but I highly recommend the Big Little Feelings Toddler course. In addition to what the other posters said about removing Twin B they also say that you should praise Twin B when she’s behaving. Even if she’s just sitting calmly near Twin A you provide positive reinforcement for that behavior and you praise her and celebrate her for sitting nicely. The course has worked wonders for correcting the issues we were having.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I haven’t dealt with this issue myself so take this with a grain of salt but I highly recommend the Big Little Feelings Toddler course. In addition to what the other posters said about removing Twin B they also say that you should praise Twin B when she’s behaving. Even if she’s just sitting calmly near Twin A you provide positive reinforcement for that behavior and you praise her and celebrate her for sitting nicely. The course has worked wonders for correcting the issues we were having.

Twin dad from above.

The only caveat I have to add here is that especially during the toddler and preschool years, you'll need to make sure that you balance the positive reinforcement for both children. This is one of the areas where having twins is different than having two different age siblings. With different age siblings, they are used to there being some differences in how you parent based on their ages. You often do things that are age appropriate with one sibling, but not with another. When you have twins, then you don't have an age discrepancy to cover when you treat the children differently. If you are going to have positive reinforcement for one child, then you need to not only use positive reinforcement for the other twin, but you have to use parallel positive reinforcement. In the above PP's example, you can't just praise B for sitting calmly or not taking toys. You have to praise both of them for sitting calmly or taking toys, even if A typically does that and B does not. Most children will recognize disparate treatment, but you have to have good reasons or their imagination will conjure all sorts of reasons, anxieties, concerns for why they are treated differently, especially if they are the same age, same gender, etc. And worse, they can often feel bad and spiral downwards without telling you what the problem is, especially when younger, either pre-verbal or newly verbal. And often it takes far longer to repair unplanned or unexpected consequences than it the original solution fixed, so just think about and prepare for such situations.

It's not a bad suggestion, but just one that has different nuances when you are dealing with twins vs different age siblings.