Anyone wish their spouse was more attractive?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was just ruminating on how I no longer find DH attractive at all since he gained 25lbs. I have tried to play mental games around this but I cannot force myself to be sexually attracted to someone whose body is now objectively unattractive. I love him, but I simply do not want to do it with him. At all. He’s a good guy so this bothers me. He is probably the least handsome and fit man I ever dated, but he was decently slender and sexy when we met. He’s let himself go and I know it’s hard because he works hard, but attractiveness is a priority for me. (Yes, I am still fit.) I don’t know if I just suck it up with the lights out for maintenance sex, but it’s depressing as hell. I cannot initiate no matter how I try to psych myself up. I’m sad about it. Hoping he’ll fix things.

25 pounds is nothing. I'd tell him in your shoes. He can sneeze and lose this weight. It's such an easy fix that he should not be offended if you told him since its affecting the sex. He too would enjoy better sex.

And no, to the pps who would ask if the same advice would apply in the reverse scenario. It's not the same thing with women. Its much harder to lose weight and we are very self concious about our weight. It will actually make our desire disappear if you mention our weight. Men don't need to feel beautiful to get turned on. We do.

It's not, though. He is not that tall and small-framed. He gained and lost the same 10lbs over the past 15 years but now he's creeping ever upward. He has commented on how he's got a belly and has gained more weight and needs to lose it. I try to be supportive, I certainly don't say "no you are fine the way you are!" but I encourage him to take time to himself to exercise and I don't bring junk into the house. He knows. If he got super fit, our sex life would skyrocket.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Meh no. My DH is tall and moderately attractive and I much prefer him not to be the most handsome man in the room. He thinks he married up looks-wise, and I am never worried about him with other women.

+2

*I* am very attracted to my DH, and he’s 6’4, but he’s frankly a bit funny-looking and I know he thinks he hit the jackpot with me. I’ve been with very handsome men and it’s more trouble than it’s worth. Big plus: my DH is a wonderful husband and dad - he was born to be a family man. I feel very lucky.

[Anonymous]

The men know better than to comment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The men know better than to comment.

Why, though? It's anonymous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was just ruminating on how I no longer find DH attractive at all since he gained 25lbs. I have tried to play mental games around this but I cannot force myself to be sexually attracted to someone whose body is now objectively unattractive. I love him, but I simply do not want to do it with him. At all. He’s a good guy so this bothers me. He is probably the least handsome and fit man I ever dated, but he was decently slender and sexy when we met. He’s let himself go and I know it’s hard because he works hard, but attractiveness is a priority for me. (Yes, I am still fit.) I don’t know if I just suck it up with the lights out for maintenance sex, but it’s depressing as hell. I cannot initiate no matter how I try to psych myself up. I’m sad about it. Hoping he’ll fix things.

25 pounds is nothing. I'd tell him in your shoes. He can sneeze and lose this weight. It's such an easy fix that he should not be offended if you told him since its affecting the sex. He too would enjoy better sex.

And no, to the pps who would ask if the same advice would apply in the reverse scenario. It's not the same thing with women. Its much harder to lose weight and we are very self concious about our weight. It will actually make our desire disappear if you mention our weight. Men don't need to feel beautiful to get turned on. We do.

It's not, though. He is not that tall and small-framed. He gained and lost the same 10lbs over the past 15 years but now he's creeping ever upward. He has commented on how he's got a belly and has gained more weight and needs to lose it. I try to be supportive, I certainly don't say "no you are fine the way you are!" but I encourage him to take time to himself to exercise and I don't bring junk into the house. He knows. If he got super fit, our sex life would skyrocket.

Tell him this specifically.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was just ruminating on how I no longer find DH attractive at all since he gained 25lbs. I have tried to play mental games around this but I cannot force myself to be sexually attracted to someone whose body is now objectively unattractive. I love him, but I simply do not want to do it with him. At all. He’s a good guy so this bothers me. He is probably the least handsome and fit man I ever dated, but he was decently slender and sexy when we met. He’s let himself go and I know it’s hard because he works hard, but attractiveness is a priority for me. (Yes, I am still fit.) I don’t know if I just suck it up with the lights out for maintenance sex, but it’s depressing as hell. I cannot initiate no matter how I try to psych myself up. I’m sad about it. Hoping he’ll fix things.

25 pounds is nothing. I'd tell him in your shoes. He can sneeze and lose this weight. It's such an easy fix that he should not be offended if you told him since its affecting the sex. He too would enjoy better sex.

And no, to the pps who would ask if the same advice would apply in the reverse scenario. It's not the same thing with women. Its much harder to lose weight and we are very self concious about our weight. It will actually make our desire disappear if you mention our weight. Men don't need to feel beautiful to get turned on. We do.

It's not, though. He is not that tall and small-framed. He gained and lost the same 10lbs over the past 15 years but now he's creeping ever upward. He has commented on how he's got a belly and has gained more weight and needs to lose it. I try to be supportive, I certainly don't say "no you are fine the way you are!" but I encourage him to take time to himself to exercise and I don't bring junk into the house. He knows. If he got super fit, our sex life would skyrocket.

Tell him this specifically.

It's common sense, though. I cannot tell him this, it would hurt him. He's never been super fit, just not fat. If he told me this, I would think "he thinks I'm disgusting and he only wants me when I fit into a certain mold for him". It's disrespectful. And I don't think men are much different than women when it comes to this stuff. They are just as sensitive.

[Anonymous]

I don't feel this way at all. For some reason TBH I feel... suspicious probably isn't the right word but I feel something not positive about super good looking men who put more than average effort into their looks.
I have always been way more into personality than looks though, BDE is real to me!

Plus I always wanted to be better looking than my husband so I wouldn't have to be perpetually self conscious about my looks.
I also feel that a lot of men are still attractive as they age while many women lose their looks so it would compound the issue if my DH were already better looking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The more attractive a man is, the more successful a man is, the more his options increase, and I like that I am really attracted to my DH but not necessarily everyone else is.

I know a really tall, attractive man who is constantly hit on my women. A friend feels sorry for his wife because that's a lot of women to fend off, and sometimes she actively has to!

Yep. My husband has had women chasing him hard since I met him when he was 25. He appeals to women of all ages…still at 51.

I have always been equivalent in looks, fitness, intelligence career- but women are ruthless. Men seem to respect the ring on a finger more than the women that see it as a “challenge”.

It can be exhausting. And if you lose trust over time…awful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Meh no. My DH is tall and moderately attractive and I much prefer him not to be the most handsome man in the room. He thinks he married up looks-wise, and I am never worried about him with other women.

+2

*I* am very attracted to my DH, and he’s 6’4, but he’s frankly a bit funny-looking and I know he thinks he hit the jackpot with me. I’ve been with very handsome men and it’s more trouble than it’s worth. Big plus: my DH is a wonderful husband and dad - he was born to be a family man. I feel very lucky.

What’s wrong with being with super handsome men?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Meh no. My DH is tall and moderately attractive and I much prefer him not to be the most handsome man in the room. He thinks he married up looks-wise, and I am never worried about him with other women.

+2

*I* am very attracted to my DH, and he’s 6’4, but he’s frankly a bit funny-looking and I know he thinks he hit the jackpot with me. I’ve been with very handsome men and it’s more trouble than it’s worth. Big plus: my DH is a wonderful husband and dad - he was born to be a family man. I feel very lucky.

What’s wrong with being with super handsome men?

Nothing. A man whore is a whore. Less attractive men with status and charm still have women fawning over them.

Ugly rich/ successful men cheat as much as the good looking ones. Marrying an uglier one does not save you any trouble. Women who go after married men will not spare yours because he is ugly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Meh no. My DH is tall and moderately attractive and I much prefer him not to be the most handsome man in the room. He thinks he married up looks-wise, and I am never worried about him with other women.

+2

*I* am very attracted to my DH, and he’s 6’4, but he’s frankly a bit funny-looking and I know he thinks he hit the jackpot with me. I’ve been with very handsome men and it’s more trouble than it’s worth. Big plus: my DH is a wonderful husband and dad - he was born to be a family man. I feel very lucky.

What’s wrong with being with super handsome men?

Nothing. A man whore is a whore. Less attractive men with status and charm still have women fawning over them.

Ugly rich/ successful men cheat as much as the good looking ones. Marrying an uglier one does not save you any trouble. Women who go after married men will not spare yours because he is ugly.

Yup.

[Anonymous]

It's sometimes amazing how some men age so much for the better:

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The men know better than to comment.

I would rather that my wife thought that she was more attractive, rather than her self-esteem getting in the way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The men know better than to comment.

I would rather that my wife thought that she was more attractive, rather than her self-esteem getting in the way.

smart man has entered the chat

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's sometimes amazing how some men age so much for the better:

I…..wow.

This is a sterling example.