Feel bad we don’t have a larger house to host

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op - yes I realize this is a me problem. However my sister flat out has told me that her family can’t stay with us for longer than a weekend because her husband can’t sleep on a pull out couch for that long. He has a bad back and needs a regular bed (preferably a king size bed). I am trying to find a way to fit a king bed in one of the kids rooms so guests can use it when they are visiting.

Also yes my sister and her husband don’t live in a low cost of living area but they make more than us, which is also hard since having disparate incomes among families can sometimes be difficult.

OK? Your sister is being honest. Not everyone can be crammed on a pull-out couch for that long. Even doing so for a weekend is nice. You can invite them, and float the idea that after two nights, you can keep the kids with you while sister and her husband decamp to a hotel for a night or two—what luxury!

STFU with your HHI of $500K talking about “disparate incomes.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have your kids share a single bedroom when guests visit (or have 1 or more sleep in your room) and give up 1 of your bathrooms for guests so that it is clean and not cluttered. It is doable. Maybe not for a week, but for a few nights.

Get the basement finished asap.

Op - guests can’t really sleep in the kids rooms. One has a crib, one is bunk beds and one has a twin bed in it. Nothing comfortable enough for adult guests to stay in for a weeks stay. Plus we have 2 full bathrooms for 9 people upstairs.

Right now at my sisters house my family is staying here, my parents are here and my sisters whole family. There is no way we could fit that many people. Which makes me sad. But I do realize it’s a first world problem.

So if being able to accommodate guests is a priority for you upgrade the twin bed to a full sized bed and when you have guests that child sleeps in the extra twin. It’s not that hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here - I also find it hard because I grew up in a large house (4000 sq ft) and have always had big family get togethers growing up. However living in a high cost of living area makes it to hard to have a large house.

Dh and I make $500,000 but we have a ton of student loans and have had 3 kids in daycare which cost an arm and a leg.

So pay off your loans aggressively, then buy a bigger house. I don’t get why people with high incomes let the loans stick around.

Op here - we are paying them off aggressively. We pay $3500 a month on student loans, $3500 a month on daycare, $3000 a month on mortgage.

That’s an amazing price on daycare for 3 kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here - I also find it hard because I grew up in a large house (4000 sq ft) and have always had big family get togethers growing up. However living in a high cost of living area makes it to hard to have a large house.

Dh and I make $500,000 but we have a ton of student loans and have had 3 kids in daycare which cost an arm and a leg.

So pay off your loans aggressively, then buy a bigger house. I don’t get why people with high incomes let the loans stick around.

Op here - we are paying them off aggressively. We pay $3500 a month on student loans, $3500 a month on daycare, $3000 a month on mortgage.

That’s an amazing price on daycare for 3 kids.

Op - yes it’s for one full time daycare and 2 aftercare (doesn’t include summer camp obviously).

[Anonymous]

For three kids, sometimes it’s cheaper to have a nanny—that might be worth looking into.

Lots of people also have two kids share a room full time to keep one room nice as a guest room, or they have bunk beds with a larger one on the bottom for guests etc. if you really want to host, there are ways to make it happen. You could also make the basement nice. Maybe not finish it entirely, but throw up some Sheetrock and some good lighting would be a start, then add a bathroom down the rod etc.

[Anonymous]

This is a you problem or your sister’s problem. I also grew up in a big 5000 sq ft house in Ohio, and now live in a 1800 sq ft house in silver spring. I dgaf and I love hosting so I host thanksgiving. The family gets an air bmb or stays at a nearby hotel. Then everyone congregates here during the days.

My sister has a 6 bed 6 bath house in Ohio. I wish I had more space but it doesn’t stop me from doing what I want to do

[Anonymous]

This is an example of “stinking thinking” impacting your state of mind. There’s nothing inherently bad about your situation. In fact, you have so much to be thankful about that your focus on the negative is causing us to want to smack you over the head, figuratively. It’s insufferable.

Perhaps we should have compassion for your inability to be grateful for what you have, because you are unable to be happy. That is rather sad.

[Anonymous]

Finish the basement. That’s where we put our guests.

The real problem here though is that you don’t make as much as your sister, and you feel like you failed in life, and judging from your posts, that is true. Get some therapy to fix yourself, because you will never have what it takes to properly host guests with all of your self-esteem issues anyway.

[Anonymous]

And don’t let your sisters opinion impact your self esteem. She and her husband seem stuck up.

[Anonymous]

I gave a thoughtful encouraging reply, but then I saw your follow up post about your income. You have souch wealth and are just choosing to be miserable and make excuses.

[Anonymous]

You sound annoying as hell.
Appreciate your wonderful life maybe instead of getting stuck in your aspirational envy.
I can’t believe you are on here whining about something so small and petty

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I gave a thoughtful encouraging reply, but then I saw your follow up post about your income. You have souch wealth and are just choosing to be miserable and make excuses.

Same. I’m probably 20 years older and have less than half that household income here in DC. And I couldn’t be more grateful for what we have. Family and friends visit, and we make it work. One year my brother and his family stayed at our nearby friends’ house while they were traveling. In other years, we’ve moved kids around to free up beds or guests have stayed in hotels while spending the day with us. And yes, I grew up in a huge house in a wealthy town. I have siblings with bigger houses and incomes. And again, I’m grateful (as are my siblings) for what we have and the time we spend together.

[Anonymous]

I gave a thoughtful encouraging reply, but then I saw your follow up post about your income. You have souch wealth and are just choosing to be miserable and make excuses.

+1 Your problem isn't that you have a house that is too small. It's that you have too little perspective and gratitude. Perhaps your family of origin does, too.

I grew up in a 2 bedroom farmhouse with 1 bathroom. My 4 siblings and I shared a room. When we had family visit, my siblings and I slept on pallets in our bedroom, our cousins slept in our beds. My parents took their mattress, put it on the floor of the enclosed porch for my aunt/uncle and my parents slept on the box springs. The same thing was going on in houses of other family members.

I now live in a 1962 split foyer with 4 bedrooms and 3 bathrooms. My kids (2 boys, 1 girl, all older teens) all pile into 1 room when we have guests. We have cots we can put in bedrooms/other rooms. We can push 2 XL twin beds together to create a king sized bed. We also don't mind to keep the kids at our house while their parents stay in a hotel or with other family.

It's all about managing expectations, being accommodating and being accepting. I suspect, even if you had a much larger house, you would still find something to feel inadequate about it - probably that it isn't decorated as nicely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here - I also find it hard because I grew up in a large house (4000 sq ft) and have always had big family get togethers growing up. However living in a high cost of living area makes it to hard to have a large house.

Dh and I make $500,000 but we have a ton of student loans and have had 3 kids in daycare which cost an arm and a leg.

Yeah, peace out. ✌️

You could afford to rent an air BNB to house your extended family nearby so you could host.

[Anonymous]

Just put the guests in a nearby hotel or air bnb. Everyone will be happier.