Feel bad we don’t have a larger house to host

[Anonymous]

My family of 5 (3 young kids) live in NoVA within the beltway and have a 4 bedroom/2.5 bathroom house with an unfinished basement that we bought for $700,000 about 8 years ago. That totally stretched the budget for us but we did it since we knew we were planning on having kids.

Now we have 3 kids and we use all the bedrooms and have no dedicated guest space. In order to see our family for any extended period of time we have to travel to them. My sister lives in New England in a huge 4600 sq ft house with a large dedicated guest space. So we tend to spend a week or more with them a few times a year so all kids can spend time together.

I just feel jealous and sad we can’t afford a larger house to have guests over and host things like Christmas, etc. My sister spent $1.3 million on her house about a year ago. If we wanted sometime equivalent in the DMV are we would probably have to spend closer to $2 million.

While we make good money we are trying to aggressively pay off student loans ($250,000 in 10 years) and also paying for 3 daycares. Just feeling inadequate we don’t have space to host after seeing family this holiday.

[Anonymous]

Why not offer to keep your sister’s kids sometimes and parents can stay in a hotel nearby? Win-win.

[Anonymous]

Don’t feel bad. Your house is your home, not a bed and breakfast. For, what, 355 days a year, you just need it to be your home. If you want to hosts just grandparents or something like that, you can bunk the kids together and make something work.

DC is a destination. Anyone who visits this area can go to great museums, restaurants, shows, sporting events, etc. There’s plenty of lodging in DC/MD/VA, from budget hotels to fancy hotels to Air BNB properties. You don’t anyone anything other than a welcoming attitude and maybe a few meals at your place if they want to visit.

Also, maybe instead of going to your sister’s house, you should spring for a beach house every third year or so. You can host a vacation or visit without having a big house. Heck, you can just get an Air BNB for a few nights closer into DC so you can hop on the Metro and do monuments together. Be creative. Don’t get stuck in “my house/her house.”

[Anonymous]

Stop wasting your time and energy feeling envious. It gets you nowhere. You and your spouse have made the best financial decisions for your family. Your kids will be out of daycare soon enough, and your loans will be paid off. You can refinish the basement. Or, as others have suggested, you can meet with family elsewhere. They can come stay in Virginia at an ABnB or hotel and hang out with you. Again, stop with the pity party.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stop wasting your time and energy feeling envious. It gets you nowhere. You and your spouse have made the best financial decisions for your family. Your kids will be out of daycare soon enough, and your loans will be paid off. You can refinish the basement. Or, as others have suggested, you can meet with family elsewhere. They can come stay in Virginia at an ABnB or hotel and hang out with you. Again, stop with the pity party.

This. You have a very nice life and are making smart financial moves. The only thing wrong with your life is the jealousy for your sister. Try to let go of that; it serves no helpful purpose.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My family of 5 (3 young kids) live in NoVA within the beltway and have a 4 bedroom/2.5 bathroom house with an unfinished basement that we bought for $700,000 about 8 years ago. That totally stretched the budget for us but we did it since we knew we were planning on having kids.

Now we have 3 kids and we use all the bedrooms and have no dedicated guest space. In order to see our family for any extended period of time we have to travel to them. My sister lives in New England in a huge 4600 sq ft house with a large dedicated guest space. So we tend to spend a week or more with them a few times a year so all kids can spend time together.

I just feel jealous and sad we can’t afford a larger house to have guests over and host things like Christmas, etc. My sister spent $1.3 million on her house about a year ago. If we wanted sometime equivalent in the DMV are we would probably have to spend closer to $2 million.

While we make good money we are trying to aggressively pay off student loans ($250,000 in 10 years) and also paying for 3 daycares. Just feeling inadequate we don’t have space to host after seeing family this holiday.

First World problems

[Anonymous]

Op here - I also find it hard because I grew up in a large house (4000 sq ft) and have always had big family get togethers growing up. However living in a high cost of living area makes it to hard to have a large house.

Dh and I make $500,000 but we have a ton of student loans and have had 3 kids in daycare which cost an arm and a leg.

[Anonymous]

You can definitely host - you just think its not good enough. Why can't all your kids go in one room for a few days and that leaves two rooms available for guests. That is crazy to have say you have a 4 bedroom house, but you can't host.

[Anonymous]

Have your kids share a single bedroom when guests visit (or have 1 or more sleep in your room) and give up 1 of your bathrooms for guests so that it is clean and not cluttered. It is doable. Maybe not for a week, but for a few nights.

Get the basement finished asap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why not offer to keep your sister’s kids sometimes and parents can stay in a hotel nearby? Win-win.

+1 If I was your sister I would love this!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here - I also find it hard because I grew up in a large house (4000 sq ft) and have always had big family get togethers growing up. However living in a high cost of living area makes it to hard to have a large house.

Dh and I make $500,000 but we have a ton of student loans and have had 3 kids in daycare which cost an arm and a leg.

Gosh, we all feel so bad for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here - I also find it hard because I grew up in a large house (4000 sq ft) and have always had big family get togethers growing up. However living in a high cost of living area makes it to hard to have a large house.

Dh and I make $500,000 but we have a ton of student loans and have had 3 kids in daycare which cost an arm and a leg.

Sorry, OP, we just aren’t going to feel sorry for you. Neither should you feel sorry for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can definitely host - you just think its not good enough. Why can't all your kids go in one room for a few days and that leaves two rooms available for guests. That is crazy to have say you have a 4 bedroom house, but you can't host.

This. You’re the only one holding yourself back from hosting. If your home is warm and inviting, nobody is going to care about having to sleep in a kid’s room for a few days. Cousins can all sleep in one room or in the family room on “floor beds” in front of the tv. Heck, Clark Griswold’s in-laws we’re cool with sleeping in bunk beds! It’s family and it’s about being together, not impressing them with your McMansion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can definitely host - you just think its not good enough. Why can't all your kids go in one room for a few days and that leaves two rooms available for guests. That is crazy to have say you have a 4 bedroom house, but you can't host.

I was going to say the same thing. You can host, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have your kids share a single bedroom when guests visit (or have 1 or more sleep in your room) and give up 1 of your bathrooms for guests so that it is clean and not cluttered. It is doable. Maybe not for a week, but for a few nights.

Get the basement finished asap.

Op - guests can’t really sleep in the kids rooms. One has a crib, one is bunk beds and one has a twin bed in it. Nothing comfortable enough for adult guests to stay in for a weeks stay. Plus we have 2 full bathrooms for 9 people upstairs.

Right now at my sisters house my family is staying here, my parents are here and my sisters whole family. There is no way we could fit that many people. Which makes me sad. But I do realize it’s a first world problem.