Found husband drunk texting women on Tinder, again

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I’m realizing he has a serial addiction problem whether it is alcohol or sexting other women or cheating. He has given up alcohol for the most part but when he has one drink he cannot seem to stop and every time he is drinking heavily he winds up on Tinder sexting random women. The other weird thing is, he has a woman who is a friend of his family that he has known his he was a kid. She is a hot mess. College drop out, unemployed, heavy into party culture. She is mentally unstable and is a curvy suggestively dressed woman with no boundaries. Over the years I have found him wedding her when he is drunk. To my knowledge they have never hooked up as that would create a huge family drama for his and her family. But similar to her all the women he messages are big and curvy with a trashy look to them. I’m petite and small and preppy-looking. I don’t even think he’s attracted to me or that I am his type
I’m ranting. I’ve been up all night.

You gave us all the information except the piece that matters: do you have kids with this man?

No. Was hoping to TTC.

You want to conceive with an alcoholic who cheats on you?

Why?

If you don't GTFO of this relationship now

[Anonymous]

Get your ducks in a row and divorce him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I’m realizing he has a serial addiction problem whether it is alcohol or sexting other women or cheating. He has given up alcohol for the most part but when he has one drink he cannot seem to stop and every time he is drinking heavily he winds up on Tinder sexting random women. The other weird thing is, he has a woman who is a friend of his family that he has known his he was a kid. She is a hot mess. College drop out, unemployed, heavy into party culture. She is mentally unstable and is a curvy suggestively dressed woman with no boundaries. Over the years I have found him wedding her when he is drunk. To my knowledge they have never hooked up as that would create a huge family drama for his and her family. But similar to her all the women he messages are big and curvy with a trashy look to them. I’m petite and small and preppy-looking. I don’t even think he’s attracted to me or that I am his type
I’m ranting. I’ve been up all night.

You gave us all the information except the piece that matters: do you have kids with this man?

No. Was hoping to TTC.

Run. Get yourself settled. Then figure out what you want. But if his go-to behavior when drunk is sexting other women, and he can’t control his drinking, just get the hell out and don’t look back.

[Anonymous]

Stop thinking about this man's potential to exhibit self-control, show you love, consideration, and respect, show himself some self-respect, and ability to pull himself together to be the husband you deserve and the father to your future children.

Instead, look at who he really is and what he is showing himself to really be. Don't think of the words, think of the actions.

Then ask yourself if you are willing to go through the rest of your life with someone who continues to relapse, promises to do better, relapses again, and possibly never comes through to the other side. All while hurting those he purports to love.

You are only 34. You have the rest of your life in front of you. Decades! Is this how you want to spend it?

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry to say this, OP, but you married a loser.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stop thinking about this man's potential to exhibit self-control, show you love, consideration, and respect, show himself some self-respect, and ability to pull himself together to be the husband you deserve and the father to your future children.

Instead, look at who he really is and what he is showing himself to really be. Don't think of the words, think of the actions.

Then ask yourself if you are willing to go through the rest of your life with someone who continues to relapse, promises to do better, relapses again, and possibly never comes through to the other side. All while hurting those he purports to love.

You are only 34. You have the rest of your life in front of you. Decades! Is this how you want to spend it?

+1 This is not the father you want for your children, OP. This is not the partner you want in life. Get out now while you still have time to build a family with someone else.

[Anonymous]

Op you’ve been given a gift. Doesn’t seem like it now but truly you got to see that he’s not the right person to have children with before you did it. Don’t waste any more time, just start the divorce promise. You can’t afford to see if he can change; maybe with Herculean efforts and sacrifice on your part but is it worth it? I left someone at 34 when I realized mental illness was an issue (which had addictive sides to it, bipolar). It was very hard and I was certain I threw away my chances at family. But I spent a year in therapy, then a year dating normal people and met dh. Had kids at 38;40. I am so grateful I finally saw the ex for what he was but I had to really value myself and decide that I deserved more and that love wasn’t enough to conquer emotional and/or mental illness to that extent.

My life has more or less flourished since then. Dh is not perfect (guess what neither am I) and our marriage has its moments but I am so glad I don’t hVe to worry about stability or trust.

The ex is, as far as I know, under employed and unmarried/childless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I’m realizing he has a serial addiction problem whether it is alcohol or sexting other women or cheating. He has given up alcohol for the most part but when he has one drink he cannot seem to stop and every time he is drinking heavily he winds up on Tinder sexting random women. The other weird thing is, he has a woman who is a friend of his family that he has known his he was a kid. She is a hot mess. College drop out, unemployed, heavy into party culture. She is mentally unstable and is a curvy suggestively dressed woman with no boundaries. Over the years I have found him wedding her when he is drunk. To my knowledge they have never hooked up as that would create a huge family drama for his and her family. But similar to her all the women he messages are big and curvy with a trashy look to them. I’m petite and small and preppy-looking. I don’t even think he’s attracted to me or that I am his type
I’m ranting. I’ve been up all night.

You gave us all the information except the piece that matters: do you have kids with this man?

No. Was hoping to TTC.

Run. Get yourself settled. Then figure out what you want. But if his go-to behavior when drunk is sexting other women, and he can’t control his drinking, just get the hell out and don’t look back.

Yeah, WTH. If this is life *without* kids, OP, run.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I’m realizing he has a serial addiction problem whether it is alcohol or sexting other women or cheating. He has given up alcohol for the most part but when he has one drink he cannot seem to stop and every time he is drinking heavily he winds up on Tinder sexting random women. The other weird thing is, he has a woman who is a friend of his family that he has known his he was a kid. She is a hot mess. College drop out, unemployed, heavy into party culture. She is mentally unstable and is a curvy suggestively dressed woman with no boundaries. Over the years I have found him wedding her when he is drunk. To my knowledge they have never hooked up as that would create a huge family drama for his and her family. But similar to her all the women he messages are big and curvy with a trashy look to them. I’m petite and small and preppy-looking. I don’t even think he’s attracted to me or that I am his type
I’m ranting. I’ve been up all night.

You gave us all the information except the piece that matters: do you have kids with this man?

No. Was hoping to TTC.

I can't decide if waiting to drop this is troll level: expert or for real. But I am leaning towards it being for real. And so I am sorry you are going through this.

Bottom line: You deserve better and you will regret having a child with this man, period. Full stop.

The part where he has one drink and cannot stop - that's alcohol use disorder and it's hard to beat. It's hard to beat when you WANT to stop, much less when you don't. The sexting, Tinder, and cheating are all terrible as well. This guy has not made a good husband and won't miraculously make a great father. You are lucky that it's not 1950 and you aren't forced to stay with this man. Leave and start over. There are serious problems here that were here at the beginning of this relationship and they will be there after its end. And they aren't yours to fix. Spend your time and effort on you and go find a real partner that you can build a life with.

[Anonymous]

Please leave. Do not do this to your future children. Put them first starting now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please leave. Do not do this to your future children. Put them first starting now.

This. Also, OP, be sure you are on birth control and using it perfectly. Even if you think there's zero chance you'd have sex with him any more as you prepare to leave--if he comes to you all remorseful and upset with himself, you never know if you could end up in bed with him. Even terrible husbands can still be appealing especially if they are begging for another chance (even if all they really want is sex). You absolutely should not take even the smallest risk of getting pregnant by this man. I'm so glad to hear you do not have kids already. He may have some great qualities but addiction that has a cheating component is going to require so much effort to salvage that you should move on. Do it before you invest more of your precious time in the marriage.

[Anonymous]

Divorce. I assume no kids. Get out now.

[Anonymous]

OP, I don't have much to offer IRL experience, but your TTC comment hit me. I attended a celebration of life last week for the father two teens. While many tributes, what really stood out was just how great of a dad this guy was. There were endless stories (and slides and videos) of him together with the two boys throughout the years. Times together that they are so glad they had.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get your ducks in a row and divorce him.

No ducks are needed. If no kids, she can move out this weekend.

[Anonymous]

Leave, you don't have to deal with that. You deserve better.