Found husband drunk texting women on Tinder, again

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I’m realizing he has a serial addiction problem whether it is alcohol or sexting other women or cheating. He has given up alcohol for the most part but when he has one drink he cannot seem to stop and every time he is drinking heavily he winds up on Tinder sexting random women. The other weird thing is, he has a woman who is a friend of his family that he has known his he was a kid. She is a hot mess. College drop out, unemployed, heavy into party culture. She is mentally unstable and is a curvy suggestively dressed woman with no boundaries. Over the years I have found him wedding her when he is drunk. To my knowledge they have never hooked up as that would create a huge family drama for his and her family. But similar to her all the women he messages are big and curvy with a trashy look to them. I’m petite and small and preppy-looking. I don’t even think he’s attracted to me or that I am his type
I’m ranting. I’ve been up all night.

You gave us all the information except the piece that matters: do you have kids with this man?

No. Was hoping to TTC.

Get oooooooooout

Seriously. When he does this after kid(s) are born, and you finally divorce, he’ll get 50% custody. Sucks. Save yourself the heartache and get out now. You are worth it.

Read the bold over and over as you call attorneys to get a divorce, OP. If you have a kid with this man he will get at least partial custody (infidelity isn't a reason to deny custody and sadly, alcoholism isn't either, unless you can prove he's a danger to the kid -- and that can be VERY hard to prove to the standard a court needs). You will be yoked to him for the rest of your life through your kid(s). You will always worry when they're with him. You will also worry that he is modeling his addictive behaviors for your child and normalizing those kinds of behaviors in your child's mind. Do not get pregnant with this man. Even by accident. He will not magically change and stop drinking and stop texting other women etc. once he is a father. Do not make him into a father, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I’m realizing he has a serial addiction problem whether it is alcohol or sexting other women or cheating. He has given up alcohol for the most part but when he has one drink he cannot seem to stop and every time he is drinking heavily he winds up on Tinder sexting random women. The other weird thing is, he has a woman who is a friend of his family that he has known his he was a kid. She is a hot mess. College drop out, unemployed, heavy into party culture. She is mentally unstable and is a curvy suggestively dressed woman with no boundaries. Over the years I have found him wedding her when he is drunk. To my knowledge they have never hooked up as that would create a huge family drama for his and her family. But similar to her all the women he messages are big and curvy with a trashy look to them. I’m petite and small and preppy-looking. I don’t even think he’s attracted to me or that I am his type
I’m ranting. I’ve been up all night.

You gave us all the information except the piece that matters: do you have kids with this man?

No. Was hoping to TTC.

Omg. Run girl run!!! This guy is a complete disaster. You can re-marry and have kids with husband #2. At 38, 40, 42. Don't ruin your life. You have NO children. You are freeee!!! Just go free yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I’m realizing he has a serial addiction problem whether it is alcohol or sexting other women or cheating. He has given up alcohol for the most part but when he has one drink he cannot seem to stop and every time he is drinking heavily he winds up on Tinder sexting random women. The other weird thing is, he has a woman who is a friend of his family that he has known his he was a kid. She is a hot mess. College drop out, unemployed, heavy into party culture. She is mentally unstable and is a curvy suggestively dressed woman with no boundaries. Over the years I have found him wedding her when he is drunk. To my knowledge they have never hooked up as that would create a huge family drama for his and her family. But similar to her all the women he messages are big and curvy with a trashy look to them. I’m petite and small and preppy-looking. I don’t even think he’s attracted to me or that I am his type
I’m ranting. I’ve been up all night.

You gave us all the information except the piece that matters: do you have kids with this man?

No. Was hoping to TTC.

What the…

Marriage gets a billion times harder after kids. Literally one billion. If he’s already escaping his life now, he will be a huge mess post kids. Don’t even think about it. Move tomorrow and change your name. Get away from this guy and find someone who can actually co parent with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Leave. How is this a question.

+1 I mean this in a nice way, OP.. why do you have such little self respect for yourself?

Stop being a jerk. There's no "nice way" to ask someone why they have such little self-respect for themselves. That was the most insensitive question you could've asked a wife who is probably devastated by this new finding. You are a part of the problem in the world these days. Have some compassion.

Np here. But it's actually you who are the problem by coddling people, telling them all choices are valid and none should be judged. Many situations including this one could be avoided if people were blunt from the start

[Anonymous]

OP, I was in a similar situation and stayed. He has actually changed and is a wonderful father. But I still regret staying because there’s this gut feeling I have about him. You’ll always know what he’s capable of. Without kids you should run.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Leave. How is this a question.

+1 I mean this in a nice way, OP.. why do you have such little self respect for yourself?

Stop being a jerk. There's no "nice way" to ask someone why they have such little self-respect for themselves. That was the most insensitive question you could've asked a wife who is probably devastated by this new finding. You are a part of the problem in the world these days. Have some compassion.

Np here. But it's actually you who are the problem by coddling people, telling them all choices are valid and none should be judged. Many situations including this one could be avoided if people were blunt from the start

Where did PP do that?
Plenty of people are being blunt here in a good way which is telling OP she needs to get out.
Yes OP should examine her part in why she ended up in this situation, so that it doesn’t happen again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I was in a similar situation and stayed. He has actually changed and is a wonderful father. But I still regret staying because there’s this gut feeling I have about him. You’ll always know what he’s capable of. Without kids you should run.

Adding that one of my main reasons for staying was because I wanted children. The chances I met someone else to remarry and have kids was low. The joke is on me as I wish I didn’t have kids. Having children has not been what I expected and was not worth staying in a marriage for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I’m realizing he has a serial addiction problem whether it is alcohol or sexting other women or cheating. He has given up alcohol for the most part but when he has one drink he cannot seem to stop and every time he is drinking heavily he winds up on Tinder sexting random women. The other weird thing is, he has a woman who is a friend of his family that he has known his he was a kid. She is a hot mess. College drop out, unemployed, heavy into party culture. She is mentally unstable and is a curvy suggestively dressed woman with no boundaries. Over the years I have found him wedding her when he is drunk. To my knowledge they have never hooked up as that would create a huge family drama for his and her family. But similar to her all the women he messages are big and curvy with a trashy look to them. I’m petite and small and preppy-looking. I don’t even think he’s attracted to me or that I am his type
I’m ranting. I’ve been up all night.

You gave us all the information except the piece that matters: do you have kids with this man?

No. Was hoping to TTC.

Omg. Run girl run!!! This guy is a complete disaster. You can re-marry and have kids with husband #2. At 38, 40, 42. Don't ruin your life. You have NO children. You are freeee!!! Just go free yourself.

This. You have more reproductive freedom away from this man than married to him.

[Anonymous]

Another poster said you’ve been given a gift. This is so true! Don’t waste it. Things will only get harder with kids in the picture. This is not a man you want to be married to or have kids with. Get out as soon as you can. If you don’t, you’ve been given a glimpse of what your future will look like- constantly wondering who he’s cheating with now or what else he’s up to behind your back.

[Anonymous]

Leave now. Mental health and addiction problems only get more exaggerated as people get older. He also seems to have a character flaw. Run now while you're still young. If you were 50, you'd still be looking at about 30 more years of misery with him.

[Anonymous]

OP, how many times have you posted?

This guy is a loser and you know what you need to do. Why are you asking the obvious?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This happened to my sister. They survived. It was an alcohol problem more than anything else. The question is, what do you want? My sister wanted to keep her family together and thought he was worth it when sober (and he wanted to get sober). But she wasn't willing to give him unlimited chances. He's sober a few years now, but if he relapsed, I'm not sure they'd make it a second time. Up to you if your DH is worth it.

OP IGNORE THIS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I’m realizing he has a serial addiction problem whether it is alcohol or sexting other women or cheating. He has given up alcohol for the most part but when he has one drink he cannot seem to stop and every time he is drinking heavily he winds up on Tinder sexting random women. The other weird thing is, he has a woman who is a friend of his family that he has known his he was a kid. She is a hot mess. College drop out, unemployed, heavy into party culture. She is mentally unstable and is a curvy suggestively dressed woman with no boundaries. Over the years I have found him wedding her when he is drunk. To my knowledge they have never hooked up as that would create a huge family drama for his and her family. But similar to her all the women he messages are big and curvy with a trashy look to them. I’m petite and small and preppy-looking. I don’t even think he’s attracted to me or that I am his type
I’m ranting. I’ve been up all night.

You gave us all the information except the piece that matters: do you have kids with this man?

No. Was hoping to TTC.

Get oooooooooout

Seriously. When he does this after kid(s) are born, and you finally divorce, he’ll get 50% custody. Sucks. Save yourself the heartache and get out now. You are worth it.

Read the bold over and over as you call attorneys to get a divorce, OP. If you have a kid with this man he will get at least partial custody (infidelity isn't a reason to deny custody and sadly, alcoholism isn't either, unless you can prove he's a danger to the kid -- and that can be VERY hard to prove to the standard a court needs). You will be yoked to him for the rest of your life through your kid(s). You will always worry when they're with him. You will also worry that he is modeling his addictive behaviors for your child and normalizing those kinds of behaviors in your child's mind. Do not get pregnant with this man. Even by accident. He will not magically change and stop drinking and stop texting other women etc. once he is a father. Do not make him into a father, OP.

+1 million

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Another poster said you’ve been given a gift. This is so true! Don’t waste it. Things will only get harder with kids in the picture. This is not a man you want to be married to or have kids with. Get out as soon as you can. If you don’t, you’ve been given a glimpse of what your future will look like- constantly wondering who he’s cheating with now or what else he’s up to behind your back.

+1