I’m an adult child who expects more from my parent

[Anonymous]

You are totally justified in your feelings OP. I hate cheapness, and I hate men who treat their kids like garbage. I am sorry about your husband OP. You should schedule a meeting with your dad and ask for money. You have been too forgiving. If you cannot bring yourself to asking in person, write a letter or email and follow up with a call. Do not be shy. Go for it. He owes you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are totally justified in your feelings OP. I hate cheapness, and I hate men who treat their kids like garbage. I am sorry about your husband OP. You should schedule a meeting with your dad and ask for money. You have been too forgiving. If you cannot bring yourself to asking in person, write a letter or email and follow up with a call. Do not be shy. Go for it. He owes you!

No. Her dad does not her her a dollar. Shame on you.

Stop trolling on this site to take advantage of a vulnerable person like OP. You are encouraging her to put herself into a position were she will be rejected. For your own sick satisfaction.

OP knows her father will not provide support. What she needs is a kind therapist to help work with her on the rejection her father has imparted on her throughout her life and to help build up the skills to not always want validation from him.

[Anonymous]

your dad sounds narcissistic, which means you really cant depend/rely on him for anything. therapy might help you process that and let the associated emotions go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are totally justified in your feelings OP. I hate cheapness, and I hate men who treat their kids like garbage. I am sorry about your husband OP. You should schedule a meeting with your dad and ask for money. You have been too forgiving. If you cannot bring yourself to asking in person, write a letter or email and follow up with a call. Do not be shy. Go for it. He owes you!

No. Her dad does not her her a dollar. Shame on you.

Stop trolling on this site to take advantage of a vulnerable person like OP. You are encouraging her to put herself into a position were she will be rejected. For your own sick satisfaction.

OP knows her father will not provide support. What she needs is a kind therapist to help work with her on the rejection her father has imparted on her throughout her life and to help build up the skills to not always want validation from him.

Finally a voice of reason.

[Anonymous]

Your expectation is totally reasonable and your father is a first class a-hole. End of story. I agree with upthread posters who said he is probably the reason she attempted suicide. People like him just move through the word exploiting others and thinking only of themselves. You can put that on his tombstone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are totally justified in your feelings OP. I hate cheapness, and I hate men who treat their kids like garbage. I am sorry about your husband OP. You should schedule a meeting with your dad and ask for money. You have been too forgiving. If you cannot bring yourself to asking in person, write a letter or email and follow up with a call. Do not be shy. Go for it. He owes you!

No. Her dad does not her her a dollar. Shame on you.

Stop trolling on this site to take advantage of a vulnerable person like OP. You are encouraging her to put herself into a position were she will be rejected. For your own sick satisfaction.

OP knows her father will not provide support. What she needs is a kind therapist to help work with her on the rejection her father has imparted on her throughout her life and to help build up the skills to not always want validation from him.

Men have an obligation to support the children they bring into the world and it sounds like he did the bare minimum while maximizing his own gain elsewhere, allowing OP's mom to do the work at her own financial cost. Men like this do not fight for custody, they just see it as an expense to stick the woman with. They are absolute a-holes who deserve to die alone and in pain. Because of this, OP needs to stop expecting anything from him as he will take pleasure in denying it to her.

[Anonymous]

Np, and I think your expectations are more than reasonable. The fact that he didn't help you at 23 when your apartment burned down tells me everything I need to know about him. I think you should begin seeing him for who is and preparing emotionally for the likelihood that you are not included in his will.

He views you as an extension of your mom and does not love you.

[Anonymous]

OP I so get it and the rich are different-many of them. I have done community service whenever I could and I give to charity and we are middle class My parents were/are (one has passed) wealthy and hoarded money. They didn't believe in giving to charity unless it was a status thing and they could get their name on something-nothing to help the less fortunate. No volunteer work. Countless fancy trips, fancy things and fancy meals and an endless need to brag.

I never asked for money. It was made clear to me it was all theirs. My husband and I developed a nice life living below our means and saving. I was there for dad as he aged and have tried to be there for mom. Now that she is the sole owner of all that money dad earned-many millions-she has truly become unbearable and downright abusive in her entitlement and demands as she constantly threatens to not give us a dime, which is fine-never planned for it. I just won't take abuse.

We faced hard times-many medical bills for one of our kids and special needs, husband's illness and didn't ask for money or even emotional support because mom cannot do that-she just doesn't have the depth to be supportive, yet for the most minor things she expects to be able to emote and obsess to me and she wants me to be at her beckon call. She also for so long refused to spend money to just hire help for things.

All this is to say I think the way some people get so rich is by being ruthless and heartless. We plan to provide buffers for our kids when they hit hard times. We want to be their emotionally and we also would help financially too. We don't have the get rich at all cost mentality. We care about people. We care about those who struggle.

Rich in character and empathy are so much more important. Sounds like you do have that wealth. I am sorry your dad was a jerk and I don't agree with those defending him.

[Anonymous]

there not their...ooops

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - I guess what I’m asking is whether it’s wrong to wish my dad would help me and his only grandchildren financially? I’d never ask for assistance and it’s his money, but is it reasonable that it kind of hurts my feelings?

It is not wrong to wish for anything. However, he does not love you, care for you and want to help you. Sorry it sucks, Get over it.

If he was a broke homeless man living in a cardboard box under a bridge and wanted to have a close relationship with you, would you care about him? No.

Your dad is a selfmade man. Maybe he never liked you or your mom. Maybe he thinks that you could make your own money. Maybe he is just a first class jerk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - I guess what I’m asking is whether it’s wrong to wish my dad would help me and his only grandchildren financially? I’d never ask for assistance and it’s his money, but is it reasonable that it kind of hurts my feelings?

If you don't ask for what you need, then you are the only to blame. You're not close. How is he supposed to know that you need help?

Now if you ask and he doesn't help, then yeah, he's a jerk.

[Anonymous]

Come on, DCUM…this is such an obvious troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your expectation is totally reasonable and your father is a first class a-hole. End of story. I agree with upthread posters who said he is probably the reason she attempted suicide. People like him just move through the word exploiting others and thinking only of themselves. You can put that on his tombstone.

Her mother “attempting” to commit a suicide is as manipulative and selfish as he is.

[Anonymous]

FWIW, I mentioned Steve Jobs and his oldest daughter earlier. Apparently he was shamed into doing the right thing. The girl had to fight for her Harvard tuition, but in the end he left her millions. Not entirely sure the daughter would say it was worth all she went through, but millions make for options.

[Anonymous]

You knew he was a POS when he didn’t help you with your apartment when you were 23! Your expectations for him should have ended then. I know it’s easier said than done, but move on and expect nothing from this man.