Divorce, refinancing gut check

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you think the appraisal was too high, you should get a couple more. It’s possible you’re not getting a fair appraisal

What is the benefit of getting additional appraisals?

If it comes in lower, that works against OP. Plus she has to pay probably around $1k for each additional appraisal.

If it comes in higher, I guess that is better but how much higher does the appraisal need to be to cover a few thousand dollars extra to run these extra appraisals?

Not worth it.

OP here. I don't know if I'm thinking straight but my thought is if appraisals come out too high, it'll make STBX try to renegotiate for more cashout...But if it's too low then it could risk terms of the refinance right?

[Anonymous]

When this happened to a friend, she rented a room to a college student for a few years. Student became like family and the extra money gave her a bit of space. Plus, someone in the house if she needed to go to Safeway at 8 pm for something!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you do a quitclaim deed and ask the lender to release him from the mortgage as part of the divorce so you can keep your current loan?

But she needs money to pay him out of his share of the house. That's why she is doing a cash out refinance.

But can she do what PP said above, then take out a HELOC to payout her ex?

OP here... this is an interesting idea I hadn't considered. I'll look more into this.

I don't think he would agree to quit claim the house with a delayed HELOC payout. It's always done as one transaction in settlement. If OP is already approved for refinancing they probably already signed MSA and it's final. Bank won't give her funds without marital settlement agreement

Good point.

[Anonymous]

Well maybe the structure is all done and baked but usually you’d expect some opportunity for both sides to structure things ok— maybe he keeps his retirement accounts in exchange for selling the house cheap, or maybe she could give him some of her/ borrow against hers to buy it out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am going through a divorce. He has agreed to let me buy him out of the house, sfh colonial style 4br in a good exurb school district where most homes are exorbitantly high or smaller split levels...so I believe the value will go up.
The rates are obviously high. I locked at 7.125% for a 30 yr conventional. I was approved but haven't closed yet... My monthly mortgage payment will go up by 1500. I'll still have over 20% equity in the home. This would put monthly mortgage at 3600. My salary is 149k. For the same mortgage I would not be able to get as good of a house in as good of a neighborhood, plus I'd like to keep my kids in the same schools.
Now I'm rethinking whether this is the best way to go. While my gross salary makes it all seem doable, I don't feel like I have an extra 1500 laying around per month??! (Finances are already split with stbxh)
Should I consider doing an ARM instead? Should I sell instead? Should I just plan to do more side hustling and get more income? (Not completely undoable - I did contract work before)
I don't know if this is even enough information to advise. I'm tired of thinking.

That's just your mortgage payment though. Lots of other expenses will increase in the coming years - inflation and just general rise in costs.
There will also be maintenance and upkeep for the house and now you will be responsible for those costs.
Hopefully you will get some child support but there will always be additional needs for the kids and your ex doesn't have to agree to cover them. Activities, classes, sports equipment, day camps, vacation, clothes, items for school and so on.
I am not saying it isn't doable, I am just saying to really consider all the costs. I think that you are hesitating bc you are already know about all the extra costs.
But as the sole owner of the home, if it does get to be too much you will be able to sell it.
You might want to really consider though if maybe now is the time to move since your kids aren't established in school yet. You may need to move further out and/or buy something smaller.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well maybe the structure is all done and baked but usually you’d expect some opportunity for both sides to structure things ok— maybe he keeps his retirement accounts in exchange for selling the house cheap, or maybe she could give him some of her/ borrow against hers to buy it out.

Op again - I did negotiate down the buyout amount in exchange for retirement so he's not getting 50% of the equity - we agreed on a set dollar amount. IMHO he is still winning out financially but it is at a level I was willing to live with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am going through a divorce. He has agreed to let me buy him out of the house, sfh colonial style 4br in a good exurb school district where most homes are exorbitantly high or smaller split levels...so I believe the value will go up.
The rates are obviously high. I locked at 7.125% for a 30 yr conventional. I was approved but haven't closed yet... My monthly mortgage payment will go up by 1500. I'll still have over 20% equity in the home. This would put monthly mortgage at 3600. My salary is 149k. For the same mortgage I would not be able to get as good of a house in as good of a neighborhood, plus I'd like to keep my kids in the same schools.
Now I'm rethinking whether this is the best way to go. While my gross salary makes it all seem doable, I don't feel like I have an extra 1500 laying around per month??! (Finances are already split with stbxh)
Should I consider doing an ARM instead? Should I sell instead? Should I just plan to do more side hustling and get more income? (Not completely undoable - I did contract work before)
I don't know if this is even enough information to advise. I'm tired of thinking.

That's just your mortgage payment though. Lots of other expenses will increase in the coming years - inflation and just general rise in costs.
There will also be maintenance and upkeep for the house and now you will be responsible for those costs.
Hopefully you will get some child support but there will always be additional needs for the kids and your ex doesn't have to agree to cover them. Activities, classes, sports equipment, day camps, vacation, clothes, items for school and so on.
I am not saying it isn't doable, I am just saying to really consider all the costs. I think that you are hesitating bc you are already know about all the extra costs.
But as the sole owner of the home, if it does get to be too much you will be able to sell it.
You might want to really consider though if maybe now is the time to move since your kids aren't established in school yet. You may need to move further out and/or buy something smaller.

One is established in school, but yes, this is what I'm second guessing myself on. It's already a pretty far out location.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am going through a divorce. He has agreed to let me buy him out of the house, sfh colonial style 4br in a good exurb school district where most homes are exorbitantly high or smaller split levels...so I believe the value will go up.
The rates are obviously high. I locked at 7.125% for a 30 yr conventional. I was approved but haven't closed yet... My monthly mortgage payment will go up by 1500. I'll still have over 20% equity in the home. This would put monthly mortgage at 3600. My salary is 149k. For the same mortgage I would not be able to get as good of a house in as good of a neighborhood, plus I'd like to keep my kids in the same schools.
Now I'm rethinking whether this is the best way to go. While my gross salary makes it all seem doable, I don't feel like I have an extra 1500 laying around per month??! (Finances are already split with stbxh)
Should I consider doing an ARM instead? Should I sell instead? Should I just plan to do more side hustling and get more income? (Not completely undoable - I did contract work before)
I don't know if this is even enough information to advise. I'm tired of thinking.

That's just your mortgage payment though. Lots of other expenses will increase in the coming years - inflation and just general rise in costs.
There will also be maintenance and upkeep for the house and now you will be responsible for those costs.
Hopefully you will get some child support but there will always be additional needs for the kids and your ex doesn't have to agree to cover them. Activities, classes, sports equipment, day camps, vacation, clothes, items for school and so on.
I am not saying it isn't doable, I am just saying to really consider all the costs. I think that you are hesitating bc you are already know about all the extra costs.
But as the sole owner of the home, if it does get to be too much you will be able to sell it.
You might want to really consider though if maybe now is the time to move since your kids aren't established in school yet. You may need to move further out and/or buy something smaller.

$3800 for 4 kids in a SFH is a GREAT amount to pay for housing. Moving is not going to put her in a better financial position. OP just said she can pick up an extra 40-50k in a side hustle and the last 2 kids will age out of full day care soon. She will be fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Thank you all for weighing in again and your questions. Our income is about even and won't be getting much in the way of child support but he is going to pay split the daycare/health expenses. (2 youngest in inexpensive daycare, 1 will be entering kindergarten next year)

It's possible he would agree to a payment plan... I may need to resort to that. But I am loathe to stay financially beholden and tied to him for various reasons including that this becomes a point of coercion and control for him. This is why I'm in a rush to financially separate cleanly (not assume the loan or stay under the joint mortgage, etc). While legally we are doing this "amicably" it is very much not amicable emotionally or psychologically.

Interesting idea to try to cash out more for myself... I could potentially do that. I just saw the appraisal and they oddly appraised the home super high. But then the monthly payments would go even higher...

Do not leave him on the mortgage. If he has controlling tendencies, a higher interest rate is worth not being tied financially to him. It’s a leap of faith but will be worth it in the end.

Not to be harsh, but why did you have 4 children with a man who causes emotional and psychological harm? Did you have any indication of this before the 4 children were born?

I doubt they are all his. One is in college and two are in daycare ....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am going through a divorce. He has agreed to let me buy him out of the house, sfh colonial style 4br in a good exurb school district where most homes are exorbitantly high or smaller split levels...so I believe the value will go up.
The rates are obviously high. I locked at 7.125% for a 30 yr conventional. I was approved but haven't closed yet... My monthly mortgage payment will go up by 1500. I'll still have over 20% equity in the home. This would put monthly mortgage at 3600. My salary is 149k. For the same mortgage I would not be able to get as good of a house in as good of a neighborhood, plus I'd like to keep my kids in the same schools.
Now I'm rethinking whether this is the best way to go. While my gross salary makes it all seem doable, I don't feel like I have an extra 1500 laying around per month??! (Finances are already split with stbxh)
Should I consider doing an ARM instead? Should I sell instead? Should I just plan to do more side hustling and get more income? (Not completely undoable - I did contract work before)
I don't know if this is even enough information to advise. I'm tired of thinking.

That's just your mortgage payment though. Lots of other expenses will increase in the coming years - inflation and just general rise in costs.
There will also be maintenance and upkeep for the house and now you will be responsible for those costs.
Hopefully you will get some child support but there will always be additional needs for the kids and your ex doesn't have to agree to cover them. Activities, classes, sports equipment, day camps, vacation, clothes, items for school and so on.
I am not saying it isn't doable, I am just saying to really consider all the costs. I think that you are hesitating bc you are already know about all the extra costs.
But as the sole owner of the home, if it does get to be too much you will be able to sell it.
You might want to really consider though if maybe now is the time to move since your kids aren't established in school yet. You may need to move further out and/or buy something smaller.

$3800 for 4 kids in a SFH is a GREAT amount to pay for housing. Moving is not going to put her in a better financial position. OP just said she can pick up an extra 40-50k in a side hustle and the last 2 kids will age out of full day care soon. She will be fine.

Yep, and once she's a sole owner of the house she can rent a room to a student (like suggested above usually a basement)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am going through a divorce. He has agreed to let me buy him out of the house, sfh colonial style 4br in a good exurb school district where most homes are exorbitantly high or smaller split levels...so I believe the value will go up.
The rates are obviously high. I locked at 7.125% for a 30 yr conventional. I was approved but haven't closed yet... My monthly mortgage payment will go up by 1500. I'll still have over 20% equity in the home. This would put monthly mortgage at 3600. My salary is 149k. For the same mortgage I would not be able to get as good of a house in as good of a neighborhood, plus I'd like to keep my kids in the same schools.
Now I'm rethinking whether this is the best way to go. While my gross salary makes it all seem doable, I don't feel like I have an extra 1500 laying around per month??! (Finances are already split with stbxh)
Should I consider doing an ARM instead? Should I sell instead? Should I just plan to do more side hustling and get more income? (Not completely undoable - I did contract work before)
I don't know if this is even enough information to advise. I'm tired of thinking.

That's just your mortgage payment though. Lots of other expenses will increase in the coming years - inflation and just general rise in costs.
There will also be maintenance and upkeep for the house and now you will be responsible for those costs.
Hopefully you will get some child support but there will always be additional needs for the kids and your ex doesn't have to agree to cover them. Activities, classes, sports equipment, day camps, vacation, clothes, items for school and so on.
I am not saying it isn't doable, I am just saying to really consider all the costs. I think that you are hesitating bc you are already know about all the extra costs.
But as the sole owner of the home, if it does get to be too much you will be able to sell it.
You might want to really consider though if maybe now is the time to move since your kids aren't established in school yet. You may need to move further out and/or buy something smaller.

$3800 for 4 kids in a SFH is a GREAT amount to pay for housing. Moving is not going to put her in a better financial position. OP just said she can pick up an extra 40-50k in a side hustle and the last 2 kids will age out of full day care soon. She will be fine.

Yep, and once she's a sole owner of the house she can rent a room to a student (like suggested above usually a basement)

Good point. Could be a great option even if it means putting a temporary door at the top of the stairs to a finished basement. Renting to a local nanny would also be a good idea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well maybe the structure is all done and baked but usually you’d expect some opportunity for both sides to structure things ok— maybe he keeps his retirement accounts in exchange for selling the house cheap, or maybe she could give him some of her/ borrow against hers to buy it out.

Op again - I did negotiate down the buyout amount in exchange for retirement so he's not getting 50% of the equity - we agreed on a set dollar amount. IMHO he is still winning out financially but it is at a level I was willing to live with.

It sounds like you want the divorce and got everything YOU wanted so you won. You cannot afford this house with a divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am going through a divorce. He has agreed to let me buy him out of the house, sfh colonial style 4br in a good exurb school district where most homes are exorbitantly high or smaller split levels...so I believe the value will go up.
The rates are obviously high. I locked at 7.125% for a 30 yr conventional. I was approved but haven't closed yet... My monthly mortgage payment will go up by 1500. I'll still have over 20% equity in the home. This would put monthly mortgage at 3600. My salary is 149k. For the same mortgage I would not be able to get as good of a house in as good of a neighborhood, plus I'd like to keep my kids in the same schools.
Now I'm rethinking whether this is the best way to go. While my gross salary makes it all seem doable, I don't feel like I have an extra 1500 laying around per month??! (Finances are already split with stbxh)
Should I consider doing an ARM instead? Should I sell instead? Should I just plan to do more side hustling and get more income? (Not completely undoable - I did contract work before)
I don't know if this is even enough information to advise. I'm tired of thinking.

That's just your mortgage payment though. Lots of other expenses will increase in the coming years - inflation and just general rise in costs.
There will also be maintenance and upkeep for the house and now you will be responsible for those costs.
Hopefully you will get some child support but there will always be additional needs for the kids and your ex doesn't have to agree to cover them. Activities, classes, sports equipment, day camps, vacation, clothes, items for school and so on.
I am not saying it isn't doable, I am just saying to really consider all the costs. I think that you are hesitating bc you are already know about all the extra costs.
But as the sole owner of the home, if it does get to be too much you will be able to sell it.
You might want to really consider though if maybe now is the time to move since your kids aren't established in school yet. You may need to move further out and/or buy something smaller.

$3800 for 4 kids in a SFH is a GREAT amount to pay for housing. Moving is not going to put her in a better financial position. OP just said she can pick up an extra 40-50k in a side hustle and the last 2 kids will age out of full day care soon. She will be fine.

Not sure where you live but our SFH was much less for a mortgage but it was a small house. OP has lots of expenses and a good income but not good enough to afford that kind of house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am going through a divorce. He has agreed to let me buy him out of the house, sfh colonial style 4br in a good exurb school district where most homes are exorbitantly high or smaller split levels...so I believe the value will go up.
The rates are obviously high. I locked at 7.125% for a 30 yr conventional. I was approved but haven't closed yet... My monthly mortgage payment will go up by 1500. I'll still have over 20% equity in the home. This would put monthly mortgage at 3600. My salary is 149k. For the same mortgage I would not be able to get as good of a house in as good of a neighborhood, plus I'd like to keep my kids in the same schools.
Now I'm rethinking whether this is the best way to go. While my gross salary makes it all seem doable, I don't feel like I have an extra 1500 laying around per month??! (Finances are already split with stbxh)
Should I consider doing an ARM instead? Should I sell instead? Should I just plan to do more side hustling and get more income? (Not completely undoable - I did contract work before)
I don't know if this is even enough information to advise. I'm tired of thinking.

That's just your mortgage payment though. Lots of other expenses will increase in the coming years - inflation and just general rise in costs.
There will also be maintenance and upkeep for the house and now you will be responsible for those costs.
Hopefully you will get some child support but there will always be additional needs for the kids and your ex doesn't have to agree to cover them. Activities, classes, sports equipment, day camps, vacation, clothes, items for school and so on.
I am not saying it isn't doable, I am just saying to really consider all the costs. I think that you are hesitating bc you are already know about all the extra costs.
But as the sole owner of the home, if it does get to be too much you will be able to sell it.
You might want to really consider though if maybe now is the time to move since your kids aren't established in school yet. You may need to move further out and/or buy something smaller.

$3800 for 4 kids in a SFH is a GREAT amount to pay for housing. Moving is not going to put her in a better financial position. OP just said she can pick up an extra 40-50k in a side hustle and the last 2 kids will age out of full day care soon. She will be fine.

Not sure where you live but our SFH was much less for a mortgage but it was a small house. OP has lots of expenses and a good income but not good enough to afford that kind of house.

Did you buy in 2022 with 7% interest rates? OP has FOUR kids? Where do you suggest she rent or buy to fit 5 people without huge transaction costs?

[Anonymous]

Do you have parents who could buy him out and who you could repay? Otherwise I would do with an ARM. Interest rates are bound to come down.