Divorce, refinancing gut check

[Anonymous]

OP why are you doing 50/50 custody?
Where are the 4 kids gonna sleep when they are with exH?
It might make more sense to have one parent have most custody and for the kids to have 1 home. Yes, the other parent will have to pay CS, but overall it is gonna be cheaper than maintaining 2 entire households for 4 kids, and less whiplash for the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP why are you doing 50/50 custody?
Where are the 4 kids gonna sleep when they are with exH?
It might make more sense to have one parent have most custody and for the kids to have 1 home. Yes, the other parent will have to pay CS, but overall it is gonna be cheaper than maintaining 2 entire households for 4 kids, and less whiplash for the kids.

Most parents want 50/50. If her ex wants it, he will get it. In my opinion, most dads want 50/50 to pay less or no child support.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:An ARM is a really bad idea as you never own the house and just pay interest. You are getting really bad long term advice.

[headdesk]

If you're going to offer opinions, please make sure they aren't as blatantly incorrect as this one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP why are you doing 50/50 custody?
Where are the 4 kids gonna sleep when they are with exH?
It might make more sense to have one parent have most custody and for the kids to have 1 home. Yes, the other parent will have to pay CS, but overall it is gonna be cheaper than maintaining 2 entire households for 4 kids, and less whiplash for the kids.

No it doesn't and if it does, you are the parent who should give up custody since you think it's best. Dad will also have to get housing. Kids can share rooms so both can get a 3 bedroom smaller house/apartment. All 4 kids may not be the ex's.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:An ARM is a really bad idea as you never own the house and just pay interest. You are getting really bad long term advice.

[headdesk]

If you're going to offer opinions, please make sure they aren't as blatantly incorrect as this one.

Once it balloons up, OP either has to refinance and the risk is rates can go up. So, it makes zero sense. OP wants the same lifestyle on one income as two and its impossible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:An ARM is a really bad idea as you never own the house and just pay interest. You are getting really bad long term advice.

[headdesk]

If you're going to offer opinions, please make sure they aren't as blatantly incorrect as this one.

Once it balloons up, OP either has to refinance and the risk is rates can go up. So, it makes zero sense. OP wants the same lifestyle on one income as two and its impossible.

Did she say it was a balloon loan? Where ? She can always rent out the whole house and move into an apartment when her mortgage rate goes up

[Anonymous]

It's really hard to answer this without a better picture of your overall financial situation. In your shoes, based on what you have described here, I would rent in your school district.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Keep the house. Do the ARM

I got divorced in 2020 when there was no housing. I stupidly listened to conventional advice (a woman should never keep the house in a divorce .... it is a huge financial mistake)

On the contrary...not keeping the house has been the biggest financial mistake of my life.

My ex kept it. He did not buy me out of the full 50%. He now has 400k more equity because the value of the home went up about 400k during covid.

I bought another house, not at all comparable, for more money in 2021. This house is 5 min away but not in the school zone. I could not find housing in the school zone. I also have had major unforeseen maintanece and repair issues...I had an inspection. I have spent 17k in repairs since I bought and now have to spend 20k more. I could not sell my house now without making these repairs. I am paying more for less house and now have these major additional expenses. I essentially had to start over, pay more while my ex kept the house, gained equity and did nothing.

I considered trying to keep the house but my divorce attorney talked me out of it. Biggest mistake of my life.

I have also paid moving costs, closing costs and furniture costs that are not in the figures above. it would have been cheaper or me to rent at 4k a month at this point.

Moving to the unknown can really cost you. Keep the house and do the ARM. Refi later or move before the term ends.

Do you really think the real estate market in 2023-2024 is going to see the stratospheric value increases seen in 2020-2022? If you do, you’re the only person in the US who does. OP is making the mirror image of your mistake. She’ll be paying the inflated 2022 price to her soon to be ex and watching her value drop, or at best, stagnate.

Of course not. But buying now is not ideal. She will pay more for less. Better to stay and sell years from now than buy another property.

She doesn’t have to buy immediately. Rent & wait until next year & see what happens to the market. Unless at least one of the partners is wealthy, trying to sustain two households vs. one requires compromises. Too many women compromise their future to try to avoid changing their current lifestyle. The real mistake pp made was not giving up her marital house, it was trying to replace it kind. Of course you should keep the house if you’re just going to go out and buy an equally expensive one. And as pp discovered, a “cheaper” house isn’t “cheaper” if the price is lower because it needs a ton of immediate work. Of all the options, that’s the dumbest. These women get divorced, but want to pretend that nothing’s really changed. It doesn’t work, and it’s an expensive delusion.

I am PP. I paid more for my house than the marital house due to COVID prices. I had to live near the school. It is not as nice as the other house and I paid more. I would have been better off keeping the asset I had.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Keep the house. Do the ARM

I got divorced in 2020 when there was no housing. I stupidly listened to conventional advice (a woman should never keep the house in a divorce .... it is a huge financial mistake)

On the contrary...not keeping the house has been the biggest financial mistake of my life.

My ex kept it. He did not buy me out of the full 50%. He now has 400k more equity because the value of the home went up about 400k during covid.

I bought another house, not at all comparable, for more money in 2021. This house is 5 min away but not in the school zone. I could not find housing in the school zone. I also have had major unforeseen maintanece and repair issues...I had an inspection. I have spent 17k in repairs since I bought and now have to spend 20k more. I could not sell my house now without making these repairs. I am paying more for less house and now have these major additional expenses. I essentially had to start over, pay more while my ex kept the house, gained equity and did nothing.

I considered trying to keep the house but my divorce attorney talked me out of it. Biggest mistake of my life.

I have also paid moving costs, closing costs and furniture costs that are not in the figures above. it would have been cheaper or me to rent at 4k a month at this point.

Moving to the unknown can really cost you. Keep the house and do the ARM. Refi later or move before the term ends.

Do you really think the real estate market in 2023-2024 is going to see the stratospheric value increases seen in 2020-2022? If you do, you’re the only person in the US who does. OP is making the mirror image of your mistake. She’ll be paying the inflated 2022 price to her soon to be ex and watching her value drop, or at best, stagnate.

Of course not. But buying now is not ideal. She will pay more for less. Better to stay and sell years from now than buy another property.

She doesn’t have to buy immediately. Rent & wait until next year & see what happens to the market. Unless at least one of the partners is wealthy, trying to sustain two households vs. one requires compromises. Too many women compromise their future to try to avoid changing their current lifestyle. The real mistake pp made was not giving up her marital house, it was trying to replace it kind. Of course you should keep the house if you’re just going to go out and buy an equally expensive one. And as pp discovered, a “cheaper” house isn’t “cheaper” if the price is lower because it needs a ton of immediate work. Of all the options, that’s the dumbest. These women get divorced, but want to pretend that nothing’s really changed. It doesn’t work, and it’s an expensive delusion.

I am PP. I paid more for my house than the marital house due to COVID prices. I had to live near the school. It is not as nice as the other house and I paid more. I would have been better off keeping the asset I had.

PP again. The house I bought was supposed to be free of major repairs…it has a new roof, new windows and new hvac. But there are major issues with ductwork and plumbing and insulation that my inspector missed.

Keeping a house you own is better than buying a new one unless you are relocating to a cheaper area.

[Anonymous]

I did not read all of the responses but I’m going through this exact same situation. I’m looking into a home equity loan to pay him out.

[Anonymous]

OP, would love to hear what you decided on. I’m going through the exact same thing right now.

[Anonymous]

Didn't read the whole thread but why not OP gets 10/1 or 7/1 ARM mortgage? Rates will go down in 7-10 years and she can refinance .

[Anonymous]

If there's a way to keep your current lower interest rate, I would do whatever it takes to make that happen. You'd be leaving a lot of money on the table otherwise. I understand you don't want to deal with the ex but it's probably the financially prudent thing to do.

Or get a side hustle and/or rent out a bedroom.