Divorce, refinancing gut check

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am going through a divorce. He has agreed to let me buy him out of the house, sfh colonial style 4br in a good exurb school district where most homes are exorbitantly high or smaller split levels...so I believe the value will go up.
The rates are obviously high. I locked at 7.125% for a 30 yr conventional. I was approved but haven't closed yet... My monthly mortgage payment will go up by 1500. I'll still have over 20% equity in the home. This would put monthly mortgage at 3600. My salary is 149k. For the same mortgage I would not be able to get as good of a house in as good of a neighborhood, plus I'd like to keep my kids in the same schools.
Now I'm rethinking whether this is the best way to go. While my gross salary makes it all seem doable, I don't feel like I have an extra 1500 laying around per month??! (Finances are already split with stbxh)
Should I consider doing an ARM instead? Should I sell instead? Should I just plan to do more side hustling and get more income? (Not completely undoable - I did contract work before)
I don't know if this is even enough information to advise. I'm tired of thinking.

That's just your mortgage payment though. Lots of other expenses will increase in the coming years - inflation and just general rise in costs.
There will also be maintenance and upkeep for the house and now you will be responsible for those costs.
Hopefully you will get some child support but there will always be additional needs for the kids and your ex doesn't have to agree to cover them. Activities, classes, sports equipment, day camps, vacation, clothes, items for school and so on.
I am not saying it isn't doable, I am just saying to really consider all the costs. I think that you are hesitating bc you are already know about all the extra costs.
But as the sole owner of the home, if it does get to be too much you will be able to sell it.
You might want to really consider though if maybe now is the time to move since your kids aren't established in school yet. You may need to move further out and/or buy something smaller.

$3800 for 4 kids in a SFH is a GREAT amount to pay for housing. Moving is not going to put her in a better financial position. OP just said she can pick up an extra 40-50k in a side hustle and the last 2 kids will age out of full day care soon. She will be fine.

Meh it’s not that great for someone at her salary. She needs to consider a townhouse or a large condo.
Her kid isn’t only in K right now so it’s a great time to move.
Divorce really does change the average person’s finances and lifestyle 🤷‍♀️
It’s a waste of time and effort trying to pretend otherwise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am going through a divorce. He has agreed to let me buy him out of the house, sfh colonial style 4br in a good exurb school district where most homes are exorbitantly high or smaller split levels...so I believe the value will go up.
The rates are obviously high. I locked at 7.125% for a 30 yr conventional. I was approved but haven't closed yet... My monthly mortgage payment will go up by 1500. I'll still have over 20% equity in the home. This would put monthly mortgage at 3600. My salary is 149k. For the same mortgage I would not be able to get as good of a house in as good of a neighborhood, plus I'd like to keep my kids in the same schools.
Now I'm rethinking whether this is the best way to go. While my gross salary makes it all seem doable, I don't feel like I have an extra 1500 laying around per month??! (Finances are already split with stbxh)
Should I consider doing an ARM instead? Should I sell instead? Should I just plan to do more side hustling and get more income? (Not completely undoable - I did contract work before)
I don't know if this is even enough information to advise. I'm tired of thinking.

That's just your mortgage payment though. Lots of other expenses will increase in the coming years - inflation and just general rise in costs.
There will also be maintenance and upkeep for the house and now you will be responsible for those costs.
Hopefully you will get some child support but there will always be additional needs for the kids and your ex doesn't have to agree to cover them. Activities, classes, sports equipment, day camps, vacation, clothes, items for school and so on.
I am not saying it isn't doable, I am just saying to really consider all the costs. I think that you are hesitating bc you are already know about all the extra costs.
But as the sole owner of the home, if it does get to be too much you will be able to sell it.
You might want to really consider though if maybe now is the time to move since your kids aren't established in school yet. You may need to move further out and/or buy something smaller.

$3800 for 4 kids in a SFH is a GREAT amount to pay for housing. Moving is not going to put her in a better financial position. OP just said she can pick up an extra 40-50k in a side hustle and the last 2 kids will age out of full day care soon. She will be fine.

Meh it’s not that great for someone at her salary. She needs to consider a townhouse or a large condo.
Her kid isn’t only in K right now so it’s a great time to move.
Divorce really does change the average person’s finances and lifestyle 🤷‍♀️
It’s a waste of time and effort trying to pretend otherwise.

She has a house with massive equity and can always sell it and move to a smaller place. Or rent out her basement . My salary is $60k, mortgage $2800/month and I live in a mansion near Zoo. My basement brings me $5000/month which fully covers mortgage taxes and all the maintenance. I would be screwed if I sold it to my ex upon divorce and rented

The discussion is not about whether people are better or worse off financially after divorce vs married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am going through a divorce. He has agreed to let me buy him out of the house, sfh colonial style 4br in a good exurb school district where most homes are exorbitantly high or smaller split levels...so I believe the value will go up.
The rates are obviously high. I locked at 7.125% for a 30 yr conventional. I was approved but haven't closed yet... My monthly mortgage payment will go up by 1500. I'll still have over 20% equity in the home. This would put monthly mortgage at 3600. My salary is 149k. For the same mortgage I would not be able to get as good of a house in as good of a neighborhood, plus I'd like to keep my kids in the same schools.
Now I'm rethinking whether this is the best way to go. While my gross salary makes it all seem doable, I don't feel like I have an extra 1500 laying around per month??! (Finances are already split with stbxh)
Should I consider doing an ARM instead? Should I sell instead? Should I just plan to do more side hustling and get more income? (Not completely undoable - I did contract work before)
I don't know if this is even enough information to advise. I'm tired of thinking.

Is he paying any child support or alimony

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am going through a divorce. He has agreed to let me buy him out of the house, sfh colonial style 4br in a good exurb school district where most homes are exorbitantly high or smaller split levels...so I believe the value will go up.
The rates are obviously high. I locked at 7.125% for a 30 yr conventional. I was approved but haven't closed yet... My monthly mortgage payment will go up by 1500. I'll still have over 20% equity in the home. This would put monthly mortgage at 3600. My salary is 149k. For the same mortgage I would not be able to get as good of a house in as good of a neighborhood, plus I'd like to keep my kids in the same schools.
Now I'm rethinking whether this is the best way to go. While my gross salary makes it all seem doable, I don't feel like I have an extra 1500 laying around per month??! (Finances are already split with stbxh)
Should I consider doing an ARM instead? Should I sell instead? Should I just plan to do more side hustling and get more income? (Not completely undoable - I did contract work before)
I don't know if this is even enough information to advise. I'm tired of thinking.

Is he paying any child support or alimony

I think she said since they would be splitting costs for children equally. They make the same so it basically means no CS

[Anonymous]

OP: is it 50% custody? Because if it’s not and you have kids 100% then it means you are paying all their expenses . He needs to pay CS if kids are mostly staying with you.

[Anonymous]

How many years until the youngest is out of HS? If it is less than 10 years, maybe consider the ARM.

[Anonymous]

Have you reworked what your taxes/take home will look like with the higher mortgage payment and filing as head of household?

[Anonymous]

Cheaper to keep her

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am going through a divorce. He has agreed to let me buy him out of the house, sfh colonial style 4br in a good exurb school district where most homes are exorbitantly high or smaller split levels...so I believe the value will go up.
The rates are obviously high. I locked at 7.125% for a 30 yr conventional. I was approved but haven't closed yet... My monthly mortgage payment will go up by 1500. I'll still have over 20% equity in the home. This would put monthly mortgage at 3600. My salary is 149k. For the same mortgage I would not be able to get as good of a house in as good of a neighborhood, plus I'd like to keep my kids in the same schools.
Now I'm rethinking whether this is the best way to go. While my gross salary makes it all seem doable, I don't feel like I have an extra 1500 laying around per month??! (Finances are already split with stbxh)
Should I consider doing an ARM instead? Should I sell instead? Should I just plan to do more side hustling and get more income? (Not completely undoable - I did contract work before)
I don't know if this is even enough information to advise. I'm tired of thinking.

That's just your mortgage payment though. Lots of other expenses will increase in the coming years - inflation and just general rise in costs.
There will also be maintenance and upkeep for the house and now you will be responsible for those costs.
Hopefully you will get some child support but there will always be additional needs for the kids and your ex doesn't have to agree to cover them. Activities, classes, sports equipment, day camps, vacation, clothes, items for school and so on.
I am not saying it isn't doable, I am just saying to really consider all the costs. I think that you are hesitating bc you are already know about all the extra costs.
But as the sole owner of the home, if it does get to be too much you will be able to sell it.
You might want to really consider though if maybe now is the time to move since your kids aren't established in school yet. You may need to move further out and/or buy something smaller.

$3800 for 4 kids in a SFH is a GREAT amount to pay for housing. Moving is not going to put her in a better financial position. OP just said she can pick up an extra 40-50k in a side hustle and the last 2 kids will age out of full day care soon. She will be fine.

Meh it’s not that great for someone at her salary. She needs to consider a townhouse or a large condo.
Her kid isn’t only in K right now so it’s a great time to move.
Divorce really does change the average person’s finances and lifestyle 🤷‍♀️
It’s a waste of time and effort trying to pretend otherwise.

Not with 4 kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How many years until the youngest is out of HS? If it is less than 10 years, maybe consider the ARM.

She still has kids in daycare, and at least one in college. Sounds like a large spread in the ages.

[Anonymous]

OP - with 3 kids at home and one who presumably needs summer and holiday housing, you don't have a lot of good options. Seems like staying in the house might be the best of them. That said, I think your belief that, in a rising interest rate environment, your exurban house will continue to rise in value is overly optimistic. I don't think that should change your course of action - you and your kids need someplace to live - but you should be realistic in your expectations.

Also, if the kids are primarily living with you (doesn't seem like he will have the room for them), you definitely should get child support. Why aren't you getting it?





I am going through a divorce. He has agreed to let me buy him out of the house, sfh colonial style 4br in a good exurb school district where most homes are exorbitantly high or smaller split levels...so I believe the value will go up.

[Anonymous]

Hey OP, is the house in a good public school district that you want your little ones to attend? Once daycare expenses stop, if you plan to keep the house, that would be part of my calculation to at least get through elementary school . Moving is stressful enough and housing costs are exorbitant in this area. If you can manage it, keep the house. I would also consider renting out the basement if possible to off set some of the costs of possible. Side gigs are great but you also can’t spread yourself too thin- spend time with the kids and enjoy your time without the Stbxh.

[Anonymous]

Op here again. Thanks everyone. I already feel like I put enough personal info to potentially be identified so I'll stop answering the requests for more details... But I can get a 5/5 ARM for 5.625% and bring down monthly payments $400. I'm inclined to go this route.

The idea to ask my parents to float some of the cash out (or perhaps maybe some of the college costs) is an interesting one... I will think about that too.

I could find a cheaper place to buy... townhouse with 3 br in a decent but not as good school district and save about 40k potentially... but in this home I also know many major things have been updated in the past five years. Roof and gutters, hvac, furnace, flooring, hot water heater...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here again. Thanks everyone. I already feel like I put enough personal info to potentially be identified so I'll stop answering the requests for more details... But I can get a 5/5 ARM for 5.625% and bring down monthly payments $400. I'm inclined to go this route.

The idea to ask my parents to float some of the cash out (or perhaps maybe some of the college costs) is an interesting one... I will think about that too.

I could find a cheaper place to buy... townhouse with 3 br in a decent but not as good school district and save about 40k potentially... but in this home I also know many major things have been updated in the past five years. Roof and gutters, hvac, furnace, flooring, hot water heater...

I would do the arm and save the $400/month. I don't think the move is worth it to save $40k.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am going through a divorce. He has agreed to let me buy him out of the house, sfh colonial style 4br in a good exurb school district where most homes are exorbitantly high or smaller split levels...so I believe the value will go up.
The rates are obviously high. I locked at 7.125% for a 30 yr conventional. I was approved but haven't closed yet... My monthly mortgage payment will go up by 1500. I'll still have over 20% equity in the home. This would put monthly mortgage at 3600. My salary is 149k. For the same mortgage I would not be able to get as good of a house in as good of a neighborhood, plus I'd like to keep my kids in the same schools.
Now I'm rethinking whether this is the best way to go. While my gross salary makes it all seem doable, I don't feel like I have an extra 1500 laying around per month??! (Finances are already split with stbxh)
Should I consider doing an ARM instead? Should I sell instead? Should I just plan to do more side hustling and get more income? (Not completely undoable - I did contract work before)
I don't know if this is even enough information to advise. I'm tired of thinking.

That's just your mortgage payment though. Lots of other expenses will increase in the coming years - inflation and just general rise in costs.
There will also be maintenance and upkeep for the house and now you will be responsible for those costs.
Hopefully you will get some child support but there will always be additional needs for the kids and your ex doesn't have to agree to cover them. Activities, classes, sports equipment, day camps, vacation, clothes, items for school and so on.
I am not saying it isn't doable, I am just saying to really consider all the costs. I think that you are hesitating bc you are already know about all the extra costs.
But as the sole owner of the home, if it does get to be too much you will be able to sell it.
You might want to really consider though if maybe now is the time to move since your kids aren't established in school yet. You may need to move further out and/or buy something smaller.

$3800 for 4 kids in a SFH is a GREAT amount to pay for housing. Moving is not going to put her in a better financial position. OP just said she can pick up an extra 40-50k in a side hustle and the last 2 kids will age out of full day care soon. She will be fine.

Meh it’s not that great for someone at her salary. She needs to consider a townhouse or a large condo.
Her kid isn’t only in K right now so it’s a great time to move.
Divorce really does change the average person’s finances and lifestyle 🤷‍♀️
It’s a waste of time and effort trying to pretend otherwise.

Not with 4 kids.

Of course this is doable with 4 kids. People do it all the time. Kids share rooms and a bathroom. Done.