34 year old son is lost

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Support his smart idea. Hvac might be better. It pays huge.

Then why are the DMV's pricy inner suburbs full of lawyers, lobbyists, and specialist doctors, and not people in the building trades? I think people push their kids into the corporate world because they look around them and that's what they see.

Many don’t want to live among people who would look down on them and treat their kids badly. They see how even pink collar-workers like teachers, nurses, and social workers who live here are treated. When you go outside the pricey inner suburbs, you see amazing real estate owned by successful blue collar workers.

Also, for many the inner suburbs are not that attractive. They don't care about the commute to the city, they want a new custom build, they are not obsessed with the best schools, and for them a large property with a dedicated space for a serious hobby and a separate accessory dwelling (or two) for when the family and friends come to visit is the way to show that they've made it.

My friend owns a roofing business in the Philly metro area. Their ideal is Bucks county, not Main Line.

[Anonymous]

Get him a GPS.

[Anonymous]

It's possible that he could have ADHD.

[Anonymous]

This has become so common among men between the ages of 18 - 40.

Wow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Support his smart idea. Hvac might be better. It pays huge.

Then why are the DMV's pricy inner suburbs full of lawyers, lobbyists, and specialist doctors, and not people in the building trades? I think people push their kids into the corporate world because they look around them and that's what they see.

Many don’t want to live among people who would look down on them and treat their kids badly. They see how even pink collar-workers like teachers, nurses, and social workers who live here are treated. When you go outside the pricey inner suburbs, you see amazing real estate owned by successful blue collar workers.

This, and most of those professionals live in the inner suburbs live there because they commute into DC. Not so for many tradespeople. They may be able to afford the inner ‘burbs, but there’s no reason for them to live there.

There’s a lot of projection going on here. I live in upper NW surrounded by people who send their kids to private and many of them are not my cup of tea, but they are all welcoming to me and my less prestigious job and I would be completely shocked if they looked down on blue collar workers. We have enough “regular” people living in apartments in our school and everyone is welcoming and friendly to them. I don’t know where you get these ideas.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This has become so common among men between the ages of 18 - 40.

Wow.

How do you know this?

[Anonymous]

I could never see my DH in a desk job. But he isn't a welder or plumber. There are other types of jobs. Maybe he can find a job working with people and not in a cubicle. To keep him engaged

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Has he asked for help? If not, you don’t offer it. Instead you provide love and refrain from judging him.

This. And welding is a perfectly noble avocation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nothing. He’s an adult. Let him live his own life.

And let him figure it out.

[Anonymous]

Just don't subsidize him with rent, a car, or anything else. He needs to figure out independence too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just don't subsidize him with rent, a car, or anything else. He needs to figure out independence too.

+1

He's got a wife. Let him find his way. Don't take care of a 34 year old's problems for him. It won't work.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, he’s got a wife. Let her figure out what his mental disorder or disability or issue is. Thx.

[Anonymous]

OP

If he wants to change jobs that is on him.

He can take a loan and learn to be a welder or plumber or whatever.

My BIL is a air conditioning repair guy in Florida. No formal education (your kid has a head start here), he retired at age 45. He will never have to work again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Support him his desire to do a trade.

Support his smart idea. Hvac might be better. It pays huge.

hvac blows

[Anonymous]

The two are probably related. He should seriously get a divorce before he ends up divorced with kids.