34 year old son is lost

[Anonymous]

In your post, you make a plea for how to help him, but at the core of that so-called desire to help is judgment and disappointment that Stevie Wonder could read a mile away. Rather than putting your energy into “fixing” your son, focus on some self-reflection and what role your expectations have played in this situation.

[Anonymous]

So many useless lecturing posts. OP and her kid didn't ask to be where they are today but, nevertheless, it happened.

OP - you know your kid, do you think he is serious about following a different path? or do you think he will eventually give up that too?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He was given an excellent education and he cannot seem to find his footing professionally or personally. He got married at 26 and has a tumultuous marriage where they have almost divorced a bunch of times. Professionally he is floundering and was fired from his last job. Now he says he never will work corporate again and wants to be a welder or work with his hands. We do not know what to do to help him.

Fired for cause? Or downsized? Are there other issues at play, like substance use?

[Anonymous]

There's a lot to be said for making things with your hands.
Vocational school isn't a terrible thing and he'd probably make a killing at it given his education already - IF that is truly what he wants to do.

[Anonymous]

I mean, he’s 34. You shouldn’t be doing anything to help him unless he explicitly asks you for help. Has he done that?

[Anonymous]

All that $$ poured into college education

She never said that was a problem
Most people would not think that was a problem
It is always better to have a college degree -- no matter what you do

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Support his smart idea. Hvac might be better. It pays huge.

Then why are the DMV's pricy inner suburbs full of lawyers, lobbyists, and specialist doctors, and not people in the building trades? I think people push their kids into the corporate world because they look around them and that's what they see.

[Anonymous]

Nothing. Just don’t support him financially. Is that your question?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Support him his desire to do a trade.

Support his smart idea. Hvac might be better. It pays huge.

DD dated an HVAC guy. He was from a MC/UMC family. They didn’t help his financially at all after HS because of some issues. He learned his trade and has been very successful. By 26, he owned a SFH paid for in cash and was able to start a business. We were very impressed with how lucrative this field could be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Support his smart idea. Hvac might be better. It pays huge.

Then why are the DMV's pricy inner suburbs full of lawyers, lobbyists, and specialist doctors, and not people in the building trades? I think people push their kids into the corporate world because they look around them and that's what they see.

Many don’t want to live among people who would look down on them and treat their kids badly. They see how even pink collar-workers like teachers, nurses, and social workers who live here are treated. When you go outside the pricey inner suburbs, you see amazing real estate owned by successful blue collar workers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

All that $$ poured into college education

She never said that was a problem
Most people would not think that was a problem
It is always better to have a college degree -- no matter what you do

You must live in a wealthy bubble.

Coming from LMC , it would definitely be a problem to have thrown that $$ away.

[Anonymous]

What is the upper limit for "child's" age on posts like these? If someone comes here posting about their rootless 54 year old child, we would all say that's over the line, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Support his smart idea. Hvac might be better. It pays huge.

Then why are the DMV's pricy inner suburbs full of lawyers, lobbyists, and specialist doctors, and not people in the building trades? I think people push their kids into the corporate world because they look around them and that's what they see.

Many don’t want to live among people who would look down on them and treat their kids badly. They see how even pink collar-workers like teachers, nurses, and social workers who live here are treated. When you go outside the pricey inner suburbs, you see amazing real estate owned by successful blue collar workers.

This, and most of those professionals live in the inner suburbs live there because they commute into DC. Not so for many tradespeople. They may be able to afford the inner ‘burbs, but there’s no reason for them to live there.

[Anonymous]

Hvac heat pump conversion especially of you live in MD. It's coming in a bug way thanks to legislation and there are not enough trained people. I know cause I work for a utility.

[Anonymous]

Not sure what “tumultuous marriage and almost divorced several times” means but I came out of an emotionally abusive marriage with two kids. I was deeply traumatized by the experience and it made me withdraw from friends and family, because I couldn’t talk about all the crazy stuff going on. It definitely negatively affected my career path. I was trying to raise two pretty needy kids while coping with a crazy ex who was still very present, so the trauma just kept going. My parents know only the tip of the iceberg about what went on.

Just support your DS, try not to be judgmental about other career paths or fresh starts. FWIW, therapy to deal with the trauma would have helped me get back to stability more quickly.