How do I stop the gifting insanity at the holidays?

[Anonymous]

OP I would send an email to all adult family members that this you instead of gifts you will be making a donation to a specific charity. I would chose one of our local food banks as being able to eat is a basic human right.

You may get some blow back but oh well. It's important to notify your family before they have purchased gifts for your family.

Also in your email, I'd state that you do not expect any gifts for your immediate family.

You can only control what you do. You cannot make others change their minds or their habits.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I would send an email to all adult family members that this you instead of gifts you will be making a donation to a specific charity. I would chose one of our local food banks as being able to eat is a basic human right.

You may get some blow back but oh well. It's important to notify your family before they have purchased gifts for your family.

Also in your email, I'd state that you do not expect any gifts for your immediate family.

You can only control what you do. You cannot make others change their minds or their habits.

Good luck!

I would rather get nothing than a note from OP saying that they made a gift in my name to a charity. Yuck. That kind of crap makes me mad. It is obviously all about the OP feeling good about their "gift" while giving me and mine the shaft. It tells me everything I need to know about OP and none of it is good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I made a donation to a charity and wrote a card this year hoping to get everyone to stop with the presents. I put a line like this in there:

“While there isn’t anything physical for you to open, a family in need is receiving a month of formula and diapers. May we all remember the best gifts aren’t beneath the tree”.

If they are annoyed there isn’t anything for them to open, that’s on them.

Meh. Your note is preachy and sanctimonious. Giving to charity is nice but your note was over the top.

+1 The note smacks of virtual signaling. Yuck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I would send an email to all adult family members that this you instead of gifts you will be making a donation to a specific charity. I would chose one of our local food banks as being able to eat is a basic human right.

You may get some blow back but oh well. It's important to notify your family before they have purchased gifts for your family.

Also in your email, I'd state that you do not expect any gifts for your immediate family.

You can only control what you do. You cannot make others change their minds or their habits.

Good luck!

I would rather get nothing than a note from OP saying that they made a gift in my name to a charity. Yuck. That kind of crap makes me mad. It is obviously all about the OP feeling good about their "gift" while giving me and mine the shaft. It tells me everything I need to know about OP and none of it is good.

Ooooh, Christmas anger. Now there's the holiday spirit! Time to go out and buy some ugly polyblend hats and scarves that no one wants. It's all about the stuff, right?

[Anonymous]

I would just say that we are only giving gifts to those who are high school and younger.

Then I would get gifts to open, but avoid toys. Books, backpacks, winter boots, new hat and gloves, something for a sport or activity the child loves, etc. There are tons of things that you can give without giving toys. You can ask siblings "what are you kids into these days" to get an idea. Even if you get something like 'they love Minecraft' you can things that are non-toys. We recently gave a friend a Minecraft shirt with her name and her age that she LOVED.

[Anonymous]

Christmas is for kids. The gifts are exciting for them and people enjoy giving gifts to children and seeing their joy. Not only is it a little grim to curtail gifts for children, it’s really unfair to your sister. You had a childhood that apparently included an abundance of gifts, but because you’re now an independent adult with a family of your own, you want to reset the rules for your convenience, which means her childhood presents would be significantly paired down, judt because she’s the youngest. As it is, with a Christmas birthday, she probably already gets slighted as her birthday is overshadowed by Christmas.

However, kids don’t care so much about cost. Get all the kids a gift, but it can be a $5 gift as long as it’s fun.

Adults should be mature enough that they don’t need gifts (sorry about your mother in law). You can try floating a gift exchange scheme where the adults only buy one gift for one other adult and agree on a spending limit (Secret Santa, white elephant, etc.) Unfortunately, you’re probably too late, as in a group that large, somebody has almost certainly started (or finished) their shopping. Otherwise, make small gifts, or buy personal gifts like the photo calendar) and sell it as wanting to do something personal. Either your husband handles his mother’s gift, or she gets the same and if your MIL complains, smile sweetly and tell her that you didn’t want to slight her by not giving her gift the same personal attention as you gave your family and then let your husband handle his mother.

[Anonymous]

I just want it to end.

My family stopped the madness years ago. Nuclear families do gifts.
But my in-laws are driving me up a wall. I’m sure they think we are Scrooges, but honestly, we all can afford our wants & needs. The game of ‘here, buy me something from this list’ is getting very old.

I’d be much happier if everyone kept their money & we just hung out & enjoyed the time away from work & school. But apparently you have to buy happiness.

[Anonymous]

We have a huge family and we do Secret Santa for all the adults and gifts for all the kids. To make it easier for the kids, we all literally pick out our own kids gifts and send links of various prices and then other family call dibs on who gives what. To make it even easier, I give older kids cash only.

I also tell everyone it’s fine to get my small kids very small gifts like a notepad, sheet of stickers, etc because they don’t know the difference between that and something expensive. If we get too much stuff I put it in a closet and use it for bday party gifts later.

[Anonymous]

All you people trying to shame others into not exchanging gifts are jerks. To be fair, OP’s family trying to shame her into giving (the right sort of) gifts are also jerks. Gifts are not supposed to be demanded OR transactional. OP, since it’s late and most gift enthusiasts will have already shopped, I would give to charity or give consumables or books this year (but PLEASE don’t include a snooty note about how much better that is if you go with charity), and tell people you’re not planning to send out gifts next year. If they ask what your kids want anyway, give them a list of food or clothing or practical things or experiences you want your kids to have.

[Anonymous]

Go to $5 below for the nieces and nephews. They have fun stuff there and you can get everyone a gift for a reasonable amount of money. Be thoughtful about it or give them gift cards to a store they would like.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just want it to end.

My family stopped the madness years ago. Nuclear families do gifts.
But my in-laws are driving me up a wall. I’m sure they think we are Scrooges, but honestly, we all can afford our wants & needs. The game of ‘here, buy me something from this list’ is getting very old.

I’d be much happier if everyone kept their money & we just hung out & enjoyed the time away from work & school. But apparently you have to buy happiness.

This. Good times and good memories are gift enough. A meal I didn't have to prepare myself is a huge gift! One year I will bite the bullet and splurge on catering, but I digress!

[Anonymous]

I just posted, but I wanted to add something I have posted before...I have hated gifts my whole life even when I could not afford much because in my family a gift is not a gift...it's a tool for emotional torment.

If you give a gift and than you is not enough then just stop. In my family, they cannot elt it go. You have to answer all sorts of questions about how it is being used. If you cannot be available on command due to a work conflict, then it's "how dare you after all the gifts we have given your family over the years." If you don't display the gift and gush about it year after year it's an issue. Just no. No thank you. Just be nice. That's gift enough.

[Anonymous]

Sorry "thank you" not "than you"...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Christmas is for kids. The gifts are exciting for them and people enjoy giving gifts to children and seeing their joy. Not only is it a little grim to curtail gifts for children, it’s really unfair to your sister. You had a childhood that apparently included an abundance of gifts, but because you’re now an independent adult with a family of your own, you want to reset the rules for your convenience, which means her childhood presents would be significantly paired down, judt because she’s the youngest. As it is, with a Christmas birthday, she probably already gets slighted as her birthday is overshadowed by Christmas.

However, kids don’t care so much about cost. Get all the kids a gift, but it can be a $5 gift as long as it’s fun.

Adults should be mature enough that they don’t need gifts (sorry about your mother in law). You can try floating a gift exchange scheme where the adults only buy one gift for one other adult and agree on a spending limit (Secret Santa, white elephant, etc.) Unfortunately, you’re probably too late, as in a group that large, somebody has almost certainly started (or finished) their shopping. Otherwise, make small gifts, or buy personal gifts like the photo calendar) and sell it as wanting to do something personal. Either your husband handles his mother’s gift, or she gets the same and if your MIL complains, smile sweetly and tell her that you didn’t want to slight her by not giving her gift the same personal attention as you gave your family and then let your husband handle his mother.

When I was a kid we didn't get (and certainly didn't expect) gifts from aunts and uncles and cousins etc. Parents and possibly grandparents gave gifts and that was it. Kids shouldn't be expecting gifts from anyone, but absolutely shouldn't be expecting gifts from anyone other than their parents. We are absolutely killing the planet by this insane level of consumerism.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I would send an email to all adult family members that this you instead of gifts you will be making a donation to a specific charity. I would chose one of our local food banks as being able to eat is a basic human right.

You may get some blow back but oh well. It's important to notify your family before they have purchased gifts for your family.

Also in your email, I'd state that you do not expect any gifts for your immediate family.

You can only control what you do. You cannot make others change their minds or their habits.

Good luck!

I would rather get nothing than a note from OP saying that they made a gift in my name to a charity. Yuck. That kind of crap makes me mad. It is obviously all about the OP feeling good about their "gift" while giving me and mine the shaft. It tells me everything I need to know about OP and none of it is good.

Ooooh, Christmas anger. Now there's the holiday spirit! Time to go out and buy some ugly polyblend hats and scarves that no one wants. It's all about the stuff, right?

Good grief, heaven forbid someone with very little or nothing should get something and PP go without yet another piece of goodwill or landfill fodder. Wow. People working in overseas factories are often treated like slaves, the environment is going to hell in a fast car, but hey at least PP's family didn't get the shaft, they got more crap they don't need or want. PP, how about you take care of your own family and provide for your own needs and wants instead of relying on others. Also, while you're at it, take a long hard look at your priorities and reorganize them.