Do you call your in-laws Mom & Dad?

[Anonymous]

No

[Anonymous]

I rarely call them anything, to be honest. I guess if I needed to yell for their attention, I would use their first name. But in casual conversation, I’m not using any term or name.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:lol no

This was exactly my reaction! I honestly laughed out loud and said no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It seems like you’re saying both that it’s weird to call your in-laws mom and dad but also that you’re expecting to be called mom and dad.

OP here. It was definitely weird for me back in 1991 when my DH & I were married, because I was young and nervous, and I didn't know how to broach the subject. My in-laws never expressly requested that I call them Mom & Dad, nor were they upfront about anything, so it was confusing. I think communication is the most important thing. I was clear to my son-in-law that, while I'd like to be called Mom, he should do whatever is most comfortable for him.

How is it “confusing” that you were never asked by people who are not your mom or your dad to call them “Mom and Dad”? First names are fine. And 1981 is now more than 40 years ago, so be assured that norms have even further changed, and likely no one who marries into your family will naturally want to call you “Mom,” because you’re not their mom.

OP here. It was confusing because it was the norm back then, and also it was 1991 (not 1981) - still, I get your point about norms changing since then. I know my daughter is going to call her new in-laws Mom & Dad, because we've talked about it, and I think it's natural for her to do so because she's seen my DH and me both calling our own in-laws Mom & Dad. I imagine my son-in-law will follow my daughter's lead.

This has never been the norm amongst middle/upper middle class white people. It is even less common now because people tend to meet their future spouse at older ages. So, they call other adults by their first name. I would NOT assume your future son in law will call you mom. And if he doesn’t, this should not be a big deal at all.

[Anonymous]

No, I don't; seems weird to me when I have an actual mom and dad still living. My parents did not do this with their in-laws.

However, I'm not offended when others do it and certainly not offended when my MIL signs things "love, Mom" to me, or similar. We have a good relationship. I will sometimes refer to them as Mom or Dad when speaking with the other adult kids on that side of the family, just for simplicity's sake.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I use Mommy and Daddy for MIL and FIL because that is what DH calls them - admittedly feels a bit weird. My side is Mom and Dad for both of us.

Would never use first names due to culture.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, call them by their first names.

Same.

[Anonymous]

No, always felt weird to me though they wanted me to. Now that we have kids I call them by the same names the kids use and that solved the issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It seems like you’re saying both that it’s weird to call your in-laws mom and dad but also that you’re expecting to be called mom and dad.

OP here. It was definitely weird for me back in 1991 when my DH & I were married, because I was young and nervous, and I didn't know how to broach the subject. My in-laws never expressly requested that I call them Mom & Dad, nor were they upfront about anything, so it was confusing. I think communication is the most important thing. I was clear to my son-in-law that, while I'd like to be called Mom, he should do whatever is most comfortable for him.

How is it “confusing” that you were never asked by people who are not your mom or your dad to call them “Mom and Dad”? First names are fine. And 1981 is now more than 40 years ago, so be assured that norms have even further changed, and likely no one who marries into your family will naturally want to call you “Mom,” because you’re not their mom.

OP here. It was confusing because it was the norm back then, and also it was 1991 (not 1981) - still, I get your point about norms changing since then. I know my daughter is going to call her new in-laws Mom & Dad, because we've talked about it, and I think it's natural for her to do so because she's seen my DH and me both calling our own in-laws Mom & Dad. I imagine my son-in-law will follow my daughter's lead.

This has never been the norm amongst middle/upper middle class white people. It is even less common now because people tend to meet their future spouse at older ages. So, they call other adults by their first name. I would NOT assume your future son in law will call you mom. And if he doesn’t, this should not be a big deal at all.

I got married around then and it was not the norm. My parents did not call their in laws Mom and Dad and they were born in the 30s!

[Anonymous]

I do. My DH is the youngest so I followed the lead of the SILs who were already in the family. My mom was fine with it. She knows that she is my mom and didn't feel threatened by my calling my MIL mom. My DH called my mother a derivative of 'mom' - something like "Mama __." When the time comes, I will ask my DILs to please use whatever name they feel comfortable with to address me. No matter what they choose, my feelings will not be hurt. I hope we don't have to do the thing where people never refer to me by name because they don't know what to say; I find that awkward.

[Anonymous]

No, though they asked me to. I just can't--it's odd, they aren't my parents.

Interestingly though, I transitioned to calling my spouse's grandparents "Grammy" and "Pop" without any hesitation. Not sure why that was.

[Anonymous]

I call them by their first names. My DH calls my parents by their first names. I would not want to call them Mom and Dad. My Dh is the youngest of 3 and his siblings were both married before us. His sister's DH basically just avoids calling them anything. His brother's DW uses Mr. and Mrs. XX. She is super old school southern so I think that is her culture. That's just not my style. I asked my ILs after we got married if I should just call them by their first names and they said fine.

[Anonymous]

I don’t and neither do any of their other in-law children. DH does the same with my parents. I honestly don’t know anyone IRL who does call their in-laws mom and dad (obviously I’m aware that people do, I just don’t know anyone) so for me that’d be weird.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I call them Mom and Dad and DH does the same for my parents.

Unlike 95% of dcum though, I actually like my inlaws and we genuinely all get along.

[Anonymous]

I like my inlaws and I know it hurts them I won't say mom and dad. I just can't. It doesn't feel right to say mom and dad. They asked me multiple times to call them mom and dad, so there was about a decade where I didn't call them anything. Luckily now I can call them grandma and grandpa to get around it. I do call them by their first names too.

My parents always called their inlaws by their first names. And my inlaws even called their inlaws by their first names, so it seems to hypocritical to make me call them mom and dad. I had a Sister in law who got married about 8 years after me and she called my inlaws mom and dad.