Do you call your in-laws Mom & Dad?

[Anonymous]

On the thread about referring to parents as "Mom" and "Dad" when talking to others, someone posted:

This is a totally different subject but I just generally dislike the idea of calling ILs "mom and dad". I have never and will never call my ILs this -- they are not my parents and I think it's useful for everyone, including me, to remember that. I don't really care what other people do but I personally think it would be very weird in my own life.

How do you feel about this? Do you call your in-laws Mom & Dad? Do/will you want your kids SOs to call you Mom or Dad? How old are you, and do you think your answer is generation-dependent?

I'm in my mid-fifties, and my DH is in his late fifties, and DH has always called my parents Mom & Dad (my dad has since passed). He's closer to my side of the family than to his own. I generally skirted the issue by calling his parents Grandpop & Grandmom, but now that DH's parents are in their nineties, I refer to them as Mom and Dad.

I'm a new mother-in-law, and I've let my son-in-law know that he is welcome to call us Mom & Dad, but no pressure. We sign things from Mom & Dad. I've heard my daughter's new mother-in-law refer to herself as Mom, which is fine by me.

[Anonymous]

No and I’m sure they’d love it if I did and I feel bad that I don’t.

[Anonymous]

No, call them by their first names.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No and I’m sure they’d love it if I did and I feel bad that I don’t.

I don't either but why would someone want this? I can't figure out why I'd want my SIL or DIL to call me "Mom". I'm not their mom. We might love each other and absolutely consider each other family, but why would someone who is not my child call me Mom? Especially if they have a Mom, which most people do.

My DH, who is obviously one of a tiny handful of closest people to me (alongside my own kids) calls me by my first name. So it's not like it's a weird formality that I reserve for people I don't care for. It seems obvious that it's what SILs/DILs would use.

[Anonymous]

I have avoided directly addressing them for 10+ years now to not have to deal with what I should be calling them. More just make eye contact and say something. It's been working fine!

[Anonymous]

OP here. I prefer to be called Mom because it's how it's always been for people in my generation and in our lives. When I sign a card to my daughter and SIL, it's, Love Mom & Dad, not Love Mom/Name & Dad/Name.

It used to be a sign of family welcome when you were asked to start calling your in-laws Mom & Dad. I'm guessing it's not the same anymore, though. I completely agree that no specific title is more indicative of the closeness of the relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, call them by their first names.

Me too. I never even considered calling them Mom and Dad. My husband is the same with my parents.

[Anonymous]

No, I call them by their first names. My DH's parents are divorced and both have been remarried for 30+ years and somehow I lucked out in that all 4 of my in-laws are awesome. We call each other by our first names.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have avoided directly addressing them for 10+ years now to not have to deal with what I should be calling them. More just make eye contact and say something. It's been working fine!

OP here. Yeah, I did that for a while as well, plus the Grandmom/Grandpop part (we had kids early in our marriage), until finally going to Mom & Dad.

Question to you - did your in-laws ever expressly ask you to call them anything in particular after you were married?

[Anonymous]

I call them Mr. & Mrs. Larloson. They never invited me to call them their first names so I never did. DH and I have been married over a decade now.

[Anonymous]

My ILs are not from the same country, and I call them by their grandparent titles in their language - also made easier because they're older than my own parents. My husband usually tries to avoid calling my parents anything, but when he does, he calls them by their first names, but started with the formal mode in my parents' language, which they then asked him to drop.

Lots of cultural sensitivities to navigate, but at the end of the day, everyone gets along. My husband couldn't care less about birth hierarchy, where children of younger siblings address their firstborn uncles by a more respectful title, but his younger brother is very attached to this tradition (he's an older uncle through his wife). Since I'm foreign, and my kids are mixed and living in the US, thankfully we're not expected to remember which prefix to use!!!

[Anonymous]

Nope, first names, would be totally weird any other way. I would never expect (or even want) my kids spouses to call me mom.

[Anonymous]

I use Mommy and Daddy for MIL and FIL because that is what DH calls them - admittedly feels a bit weird. My side is Mom and Dad for both of us.

Would never use first names due to culture.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have avoided directly addressing them for 10+ years now to not have to deal with what I should be calling them. More just make eye contact and say something. It's been working fine!

OP here. Yeah, I did that for a while as well, plus the Grandmom/Grandpop part (we had kids early in our marriage), until finally going to Mom & Dad.

Question to you - did your in-laws ever expressly ask you to call them anything in particular after you were married?

No, it was never clarified. I would not be able to get to Mom and Dad though, so good thing that's not hanging out there. Getting from Mr and Mrs (my new last name) to first names is a hang up too though, and I'm not sure what it's supposed to be now but it's waaay too late to ask.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I call them Mr. & Mrs. Larloson. They never invited me to call them their first names so I never did. DH and I have been married over a decade now.

Mr. and Mrs. here too. My DH only recently started calling my mother Mom, after my father passed (he didn’t really like my father).