Do you call your in-laws Mom & Dad?

[Anonymous]

No, and I never will.

[Anonymous]

No, I call MIL by her first name. She's not my mom.

My own mom died young. I could never call someone else 'mom'. Never.

[Anonymous]

I call my ILs Mom and Dad and DH does the same with my parents. I happen to really like and be close to my in-laws but also I don’t find a particular way of calling someone so emotionally weighted to me that it would be a big deal for me not to honor their preference/make them happy. It also helps that both my parents called their ILs, my grandparents, mom and dad. But honestly it all depends on what the relationship is and how weighed these particular words are, there is no one size fits all solution.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have avoided directly addressing them for 10+ years now to not have to deal with what I should be calling them. More just make eye contact and say something. It's been working fine!

This is odd behavior. My SIL does this and it would be so much better to just call them something thank you avoid addressing them at all. Doesn’t that take more effort?

[Anonymous]

I do. I don't think any of the sons or daughters in law call them by their names. My SIL that's been married into the family for 30 years calls them Mom and Dad. It's a tricky family to navigate, so I follow my SIL's lead!

[Anonymous]

No. I call them by their first names.

[Anonymous]

Nope.
MIL wanted me to call her mom. But after she threatened to not attend the wedding if I didn't sign a prenup, I don't call her mom. It's been 25 years.

[Anonymous]

Yes, we each call our inlaws Mom and Dad. It seems pretty normal to me. I can't think of any close friends who don't do the same thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:On the thread about referring to parents as "Mom" and "Dad" when talking to others, someone posted:

This is a totally different subject but I just generally dislike the idea of calling ILs "mom and dad". I have never and will never call my ILs this -- they are not my parents and I think it's useful for everyone, including me, to remember that. I don't really care what other people do but I personally think it would be very weird in my own life.

How do you feel about this? Do you call your in-laws Mom & Dad? Do/will you want your kids SOs to call you Mom or Dad? How old are you, and do you think your answer is generation-dependent?

I'm in my mid-fifties, and my DH is in his late fifties, and DH has always called my parents Mom & Dad (my dad has since passed). He's closer to my side of the family than to his own. I generally skirted the issue by calling his parents Grandpop & Grandmom, but now that DH's parents are in their nineties, I refer to them as Mom and Dad.

I'm a new mother-in-law, and I've let my son-in-law know that he is welcome to call us Mom & Dad, but no pressure. We sign things from Mom & Dad. I've heard my daughter's new mother-in-law refer to herself as Mom, which is fine by me.

Of course I call my ILs mom and dad! What a question! Who else will I call 'mom and dad', if not my parents and ILs?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:On the thread about referring to parents as "Mom" and "Dad" when talking to others, someone posted:

This is a totally different subject but I just generally dislike the idea of calling ILs "mom and dad". I have never and will never call my ILs this -- they are not my parents and I think it's useful for everyone, including me, to remember that. I don't really care what other people do but I personally think it would be very weird in my own life.

How do you feel about this? Do you call your in-laws Mom & Dad? Do/will you want your kids SOs to call you Mom or Dad? How old are you, and do you think your answer is generation-dependent?

I'm in my mid-fifties, and my DH is in his late fifties, and DH has always called my parents Mom & Dad (my dad has since passed). He's closer to my side of the family than to his own. I generally skirted the issue by calling his parents Grandpop & Grandmom, but now that DH's parents are in their nineties, I refer to them as Mom and Dad.

I'm a new mother-in-law, and I've let my son-in-law know that he is welcome to call us Mom & Dad, but no pressure. We sign things from Mom & Dad. I've heard my daughter's new mother-in-law refer to herself as Mom, which is fine by me.

Of course I call my ILs mom and dad! What a question! Who else will I call 'mom and dad', if not my parents and ILs?

x1000 Exactly!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:On the thread about referring to parents as "Mom" and "Dad" when talking to others, someone posted:

This is a totally different subject but I just generally dislike the idea of calling ILs "mom and dad". I have never and will never call my ILs this -- they are not my parents and I think it's useful for everyone, including me, to remember that. I don't really care what other people do but I personally think it would be very weird in my own life.

How do you feel about this? Do you call your in-laws Mom & Dad? Do/will you want your kids SOs to call you Mom or Dad? How old are you, and do you think your answer is generation-dependent?

I'm in my mid-fifties, and my DH is in his late fifties, and DH has always called my parents Mom & Dad (my dad has since passed). He's closer to my side of the family than to his own. I generally skirted the issue by calling his parents Grandpop & Grandmom, but now that DH's parents are in their nineties, I refer to them as Mom and Dad.

I'm a new mother-in-law, and I've let my son-in-law know that he is welcome to call us Mom & Dad, but no pressure. We sign things from Mom & Dad. I've heard my daughter's new mother-in-law refer to herself as Mom, which is fine by me.

Of course I call my ILs mom and dad! What a question! Who else will I call 'mom and dad', if not my parents and ILs?

No, ew. It would indicate DH is your sibling.

[Anonymous]

I do, but it’s a cultural thing in Italian-American families. It would be considered disrespectful / cold / odd in most Italian American families to call your in laws anything other than Mom & Dad.

[Anonymous]

My kids are little but I absolutely can’t imagine their future spouses calling me mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It seems like you’re saying both that it’s weird to call your in-laws mom and dad but also that you’re expecting to be called mom and dad.

OP here. It was definitely weird for me back in 1991 when my DH & I were married, because I was young and nervous, and I didn't know how to broach the subject. My in-laws never expressly requested that I call them Mom & Dad, nor were they upfront about anything, so it was confusing. I think communication is the most important thing. I was clear to my son-in-law that, while I'd like to be called Mom, he should do whatever is most comfortable for him.

How is it “confusing” that you were never asked by people who are not your mom or your dad to call them “Mom and Dad”? First names are fine. And 1981 is now more than 40 years ago, so be assured that norms have even further changed, and likely no one who marries into your family will naturally want to call you “Mom,” because you’re not their mom.

OP here. It was confusing because it was the norm back then, and also it was 1991 (not 1981) - still, I get your point about norms changing since then. I know my daughter is going to call her new in-laws Mom & Dad, because we've talked about it, and I think it's natural for her to do so because she's seen my DH and me both calling our own in-laws Mom & Dad. I imagine my son-in-law will follow my daughter's lead.

This has never been the norm amongst middle/upper middle class white people. It is even less common now because people tend to meet their future spouse at older ages. So, they call other adults by their first name. I would NOT assume your future son in law will call you mom. And if he doesn’t, this should not be a big deal at all.

This wasn't the norm in 1981 any more than it is now. Different families/cultures have different preferences. I called my in-laws by their first names or avoided it entirely. I lost my parents around the time I got married and there was no way in hell I was calling anyone else Mom or Dad.

[Anonymous]

My two SILs both call my parents mom and dad. However my brothers and SILs started dating very early. One were in their teens and the other very early twenties. I think this makes a difference, they have known my parents since they were young and so the slow transition to mom and dad was smoother. Also they were over at our house a lot when dating so they have kind of been part of the family since before they married.

I got married much older and I call my inlaws by their first names. I can't imagine calling them mom and dad.