Do you call your in-laws Mom & Dad?

[Anonymous]

DH and I both call each other’s parents Mom and Dad. They both invited us to and I thought it was sweet, though admittedly it was very weird for me for a while. I’m used to it 20 years in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have avoided directly addressing them for 10+ years now to not have to deal with what I should be calling them. More just make eye contact and say something. It's been working fine!

OP here. Yeah, I did that for a while as well, plus the Grandmom/Grandpop part (we had kids early in our marriage), until finally going to Mom & Dad.

Question to you - did your in-laws ever expressly ask you to call them anything in particular after you were married?

No, it was never clarified. I would not be able to get to Mom and Dad though, so good thing that's not hanging out there. Getting from Mr and Mrs (my new last name) to first names is a hang up too though, and I'm not sure what it's supposed to be now but it's waaay too late to ask.

This is why I think going with first names from the jump makes the most senses for all involved. It's how most adults address each other in other settings (work, socially), and it means you don't have to transition to calling someone by a new name in the middle of your relationship. Especially now that people often live together for a while before marriage, or at least date longer.

I can see how it was different when people were more formal in general. For instance, back in the 50s and earlier, it was common to call people in the office by their last names, especially if they were the boss or in any way senior to you (my DH had a holdover from this era that people called Mr. LastName until he retired just a few years ago). So it made sense to call your boyfriend's or fiancé's parents by their last names, to match the respect level. and people also dated for much shorter periods of time, and had shorter engagements, so you might call your ILs "Mr. and Mrs. Lastname" for a year, maybe two, and then the wedding was a much bigger deal than it is now in terms of family roles (because there was larger stigma against premarital sex, cohabitation, and children out of wedlock, so marriage carried much more weight as a shift in roles and responsibilities) so it would make sense to change what you call each other. Plus people got married younger, so there was a more clear delineation -- if you are 20 and your ILs are 40, they probably feel like "adults" and you feel like a kid, so it makes more sense to call them mom and dad.

None of that is true now. I got married in my mid-30s to a man I'd been living with for 5 years and had already bought a home with. I'd known his parents for years and called them by their first names, as I do 99% of people in the world because that's totally normalized in our culture. I think all of this is why this practice feels super antiquated and awkward for younger generations -- it's a weird holdover from a previous time even though so much has changed around it. It just doesn't make sense anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have avoided directly addressing them for 10+ years now to not have to deal with what I should be calling them. More just make eye contact and say something. It's been working fine!

OP here. Yeah, I did that for a while as well, plus the Grandmom/Grandpop part (we had kids early in our marriage), until finally going to Mom & Dad.

Question to you - did your in-laws ever expressly ask you to call them anything in particular after you were married?

It seems like you’re saying both that it’s weird to call your in-laws mom and dad but also that you’re expecting to be called mom and dad.

My kids are large teens, so approaching serious relationship age but not quite there yet. I haven’t given it much thought. I’m flexible so I'm Mrs. x, Larla, or Mom, I’m probably going to be cool with it.


My parents made fun of movies and tv shows that had adult kids calling their in-laws mom and dad. None of their sons in law wanted to call them mom and dad. As daughters, my sister and I don’t really relish calling them mom and dad.

My sister and her (husband’s brothers’ wives) SIL peers all use first names.

I was introduced to MIL on a first name basis. When she answered the phone, she said this is Larla. If she called me, she said “hi Larlette, this is Larla. May I speak to Larlo?” She signed cards “love Larla.” So I called her Larla. I found out years later she was offended that I didn’t call her Mrs. MIL. She and FIL were divorced and he either doesn’t care or doesn’t complain. I used first names with him because that’s how I was introduced.

Neither of my husband’s parents asked me to call them mom or dad, and I’d feel uncomfortable trying to introduce it. My parents have known his parents since childhood. I feel like it might be different when your families are friendly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It seems like you’re saying both that it’s weird to call your in-laws mom and dad but also that you’re expecting to be called mom and dad.

OP here. It was definitely weird for me back in 1991 when my DH & I were married, because I was young and nervous, and I didn't know how to broach the subject. My in-laws never expressly requested that I call them Mom & Dad, nor were they upfront about anything, so it was confusing. I think communication is the most important thing. I was clear to my son-in-law that, while I'd like to be called Mom, he should do whatever is most comfortable for him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I call them Mr. & Mrs. Larloson. They never invited me to call them their first names so I never did. DH and I have been married over a decade now.

Holy sh!t... you still call your in-laws Mr & Mrs?? 🤯
What does your husband call your parents?

[Anonymous]

No. In laws invited me to, but I call them by their first names.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I call them Mr. & Mrs. Larloson. They never invited me to call them their first names so I never did. DH and I have been married over a decade now.

Holy sh!t... you still call your in-laws Mr & Mrs?? 🤯
What does your husband call your parents?

I’m another person that calls my in laws Mr and Mrs. I love them very much. They love me very much. They have never invited me to call them anything different. They are old fashioned and it is fine.

My husband got offended because my parents said to just call them by their first names. Which was totally dumb and I tease him about this many years later. He was raised in an incredibly small town in the south that operates like it is the 1950s.

[Anonymous]

Yes I do.

[Anonymous]

DW/25 years. First names and gradually and sometimes grandparent names.

My late father called my grandparents Mr and Mrs for the duration of their lives: 1963-2000.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It seems like you’re saying both that it’s weird to call your in-laws mom and dad but also that you’re expecting to be called mom and dad.

OP here. It was definitely weird for me back in 1991 when my DH & I were married, because I was young and nervous, and I didn't know how to broach the subject. My in-laws never expressly requested that I call them Mom & Dad, nor were they upfront about anything, so it was confusing. I think communication is the most important thing. I was clear to my son-in-law that, while I'd like to be called Mom, he should do whatever is most comfortable for him.

How is it “confusing” that you were never asked by people who are not your mom or your dad to call them “Mom and Dad”? First names are fine. And 1981 is now more than 40 years ago, so be assured that norms have even further changed, and likely no one who marries into your family will naturally want to call you “Mom,” because you’re not their mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It seems like you’re saying both that it’s weird to call your in-laws mom and dad but also that you’re expecting to be called mom and dad.

OP here. It was definitely weird for me back in 1991 when my DH & I were married, because I was young and nervous, and I didn't know how to broach the subject. My in-laws never expressly requested that I call them Mom & Dad, nor were they upfront about anything, so it was confusing. I think communication is the most important thing. I was clear to my son-in-law that, while I'd like to be called Mom, he should do whatever is most comfortable for him.

How is it “confusing” that you were never asked by people who are not your mom or your dad to call them “Mom and Dad”? First names are fine. And 1981 is now more than 40 years ago, so be assured that norms have even further changed, and likely no one who marries into your family will naturally want to call you “Mom,” because you’re not their mom.

OP here. It was confusing because it was the norm back then, and also it was 1991 (not 1981) - still, I get your point about norms changing since then. I know my daughter is going to call her new in-laws Mom & Dad, because we've talked about it, and I think it's natural for her to do so because she's seen my DH and me both calling our own in-laws Mom & Dad. I imagine my son-in-law will follow my daughter's lead.

[Anonymous]

I can’t call my in laws mom and dad. It just feels wrong.

[Anonymous]

lol no

[Anonymous]

First names... I really love my inlaws but they are not my parents.

[Anonymous]

My MIL insisted that I call them Mr. and Mrs. so-and-so when DH I were dating and even once we got engaged. As soon as we married, she told me I could call them Mom and Dad. That’s quite the leap, lol! I was never comfortable with calling them Mom and Dad. I either refer to them as Grandma and Grandpa when the kids are around, or I just make eye contact or walk up to them if I need to get their attention for something.