How much do I have to discuss with Ex?

[Anonymous]

I coparent and I think sleepovers are something that should be discussed in advance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are right, spouse is wrong. Unless your activities involve out of state travel or a medical appointment for the kids, you don’t have to run anything by them, especially a sleep over.

Sorry, op. But the earlier you set boundaries, the better.

If a child is going overnight somewhere he has a right to know.

This is not in my divorce decree nor any standard separation agreement I am aware of.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are right, spouse is wrong. Unless your activities involve out of state travel or a medical appointment for the kids, you don’t have to run anything by them, especially a sleep over.

Sorry, op. But the earlier you set boundaries, the better.

If a child is going overnight somewhere he has a right to know.

This is not in my divorce decree nor any standard separation agreement I am aware of.

huh? it is absolutely in my agreement. I have to be notified if he’s not sleeping at home.

That’s not standard at all.

[Anonymous]

He is a jerk but it will get easier once your agreements are finalized. Good luck and stay strong!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Any parent who has given up custody can’t control what the custodial parent does. Giving up custody is horrendous.

Just remember if you choose not to communicate what Dad does on his time is also none of your business.

Oh, stop trying to mommy shame her.
He's the one who said he didn't want 50/50 custody.
She's the one who's there being responsible day in and day out.

Yet you're SO eager to not only allow this "part-time-at-best" dad off the responsibility hook, you want to give the man even more control, even though he's not giving his kids everything he has as far as visitation.

Women like you SUCK... you always find a way to let daddy be free, but shame mommy for being the responsible one.

We don’t know what he wants but he is asking to be notified which is reasonable. She is terrible and not a co-parent. She is deliberately excluding dad. Shame on her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't see why OP should be asking her exH about how her kids spend their spare time while at HER house. It's the custodial parent prerogative to plan activities any way they see fit, I would be surprised if the separation agreement states anything else.

If OP scheduled a sleepover for HIS custodial time/at his house then of course she should have consulted first

I really don’t agree with your statement and I can imagine how utterly dysfunctional it would be for the kids in this situation

I agree. It's not even about a separation agreement, it's about being a good human. It takes two seconds to shoot over a text to let him know. Fighting with the other parent over every small detail and trying to cut them out because you think you can since it isn't stated in your separation agreement will make for a hard road in co-parenting. You're making your own life more difficult and it will trickle down to your children.

[Anonymous]

You've got 12 more years to co-parent with your ex. You can choose to do things the easy way, or fight every battle. You get to choose your own experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't see why OP should be asking her exH about how her kids spend their spare time while at HER house. It's the custodial parent prerogative to plan activities any way they see fit, I would be surprised if the separation agreement states anything else.

If OP scheduled a sleepover for HIS custodial time/at his house then of course she should have consulted first

I really don’t agree with your statement and I can imagine how utterly dysfunctional it would be for the kids in this situation

I agree. It's not even about a separation agreement, it's about being a good human. It takes two seconds to shoot over a text to let him know. Fighting with the other parent over every small detail and trying to cut them out because you think you can since it isn't stated in your separation agreement will make for a hard road in co-parenting. You're making your own life more difficult and it will trickle down to your children.

Np.

Shooting over an FYI text to a high conflict, personality-disordered Ex will catalyze his fighting you. No matter what, he will disagree and argue.

Bless you that you’ve never sent a “2 second text” to a dysfunctional person, only to have him kick off 50 texts of lunatic personal attack calls, VMs, and texts back. Bless you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The ex is seeing the kids "several times a week" yet isn't "involved in daily living"? Well, which is it?

Drop the rope there.

[Anonymous]

A first sleepover for a 6 year old? Of course you should discuss this with him!

[Anonymous]

I'd run this one by your atty OP.

I have ROFR in my agreement, so I read that as yes, we'd have to notify the other parent...but I haven't asked my lawyer (we're low conflict and sleepovers have not come up yet)so you should ask yours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't see why OP should be asking her exH about how her kids spend their spare time while at HER house. It's the custodial parent prerogative to plan activities any way they see fit, I would be surprised if the separation agreement states anything else.

If OP scheduled a sleepover for HIS custodial time/at his house then of course she should have consulted first

I really don’t agree with your statement and I can imagine how utterly dysfunctional it would be for the kids in this situation

I agree. It's not even about a separation agreement, it's about being a good human. It takes two seconds to shoot over a text to let him know. Fighting with the other parent over every small detail and trying to cut them out because you think you can since it isn't stated in your separation agreement will make for a hard road in co-parenting. You're making your own life more difficult and it will trickle down to your children.

Np.

Shooting over an FYI text to a high conflict, personality-disordered Ex will catalyze his fighting you. No matter what, he will disagree and argue.

Bless you that you’ve never sent a “2 second text” to a dysfunctional person, only to have him kick off 50 texts of lunatic personal attack calls, VMs, and texts back. Bless you.

Right? My ex legally can’t “shoot off a quick text” as he’s so abusive he’s given only 5 posts total a day- all monitored by a live person on civil communicator. He’s been banned from that platform 5 times for being unable to stop his abuse. This poster has NO idea. None.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The ex is seeing the kids "several times a week" yet isn't "involved in daily living"? Well, which is it?

Seeing some one for two hours three times a week does not mean they are responsible for eating and sleeping choices for their children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You said he sees the kids several times a week. Does not sound like he is not involved with the kids to me.

If you have the kids on a full-time basis, and he only has visitation then that tells me that you are the custodial parent.

Which means that you have every right to make a decision such as this w/o his input or permission.

If he wants more of a say in his child’s whereabouts, etc., then he needs to ask a judge for shared custody.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You've got 12 more years to co-parent with your ex. You can choose to do things the easy way, or fight every battle. You get to choose your own experience.

NP. Not all divorced parents co-parent. I have full custody with frequent visitation to ex and parallel parent with my ex. Co-parenting - informing him about things that were happening on my parental time and inviting him to make decisions that were mine to make (legally) - just opened myself and the kids up to his emotional abuse.

Parallel parenting has been much healthier for us all - it is the easy way. I don’t ask what he does with the kids on his time and I don’t tell him what is going on during my time. The is no reason to have more than minimal superficial interaction and thus there is no room for abuse.