How much do I have to discuss with Ex?

[Anonymous]

My kids live with me full time but do see their dad for visits several times a week. We are working through a divorce and it’s been difficult. My 6year old had their first sleep over with a friend two doors down and Ex is angry I didn’t consult him first. Am I suppose to “co-parent” with someone who is not involved in daily living (eating and sleeping responsibilities/arrangements)?

Ex fully chose not to be more involved or have them half the time. I am living my life and can’t wait on dealing with him to make parenting choices. Opinions?

[Anonymous]

You are right, spouse is wrong. Unless your activities involve out of state travel or a medical appointment for the kids, you don’t have to run anything by them, especially a sleep over.

Sorry, op. But the earlier you set boundaries, the better.

[Anonymous]

Do you not have an agreement in place? Talk to your lawyer and make sure this is laid out.

[Anonymous]

Yes you should have consulted him. If he were living at home you most certainly would have asked him. It’s called co-parenting. The first sleepover was a big deal in my house. We have a 8 year DD and my DH and I discussed it at length. We knew the mom but not the dad of the little girl. The anger in Your tone regarding the divorce is coming through loud and clear. He will always be the dad. Don’t cut him out of stuff that could have been handled in a text. Think about how you will feel when he does something when your child is at his new house and doesn’t consult you. This will happen and you will be on here saying that you can’t believe your ExH didn’t talk to you first.

[Anonymous]

Of course you should consult him. How is this a question? Ask him to do 50-50 custody and make an agreement. Tell him you don't want the kids full time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are right, spouse is wrong. Unless your activities involve out of state travel or a medical appointment for the kids, you don’t have to run anything by them, especially a sleep over.

Sorry, op. But the earlier you set boundaries, the better.

If a child is going overnight somewhere he has a right to know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids live with me full time but do see their dad for visits several times a week. We are working through a divorce and it’s been difficult. My 6year old had their first sleep over with a friend two doors down and Ex is angry I didn’t consult him first. Am I suppose to “co-parent” with someone who is not involved in daily living (eating and sleeping responsibilities/arrangements)?

Ex fully chose not to be more involved or have them half the time. I am living my life and can’t wait on dealing with him to make parenting choices. Opinions?

We need more info. Is there a formal possession schedule? If so, no you don't need to consult. I would you say you don't need to consult even if there isn't one if he isn't living with you or parenting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are right, spouse is wrong. Unless your activities involve out of state travel or a medical appointment for the kids, you don’t have to run anything by them, especially a sleep over.

Sorry, op. But the earlier you set boundaries, the better.

If a child is going overnight somewhere he has a right to know.

This is not in my divorce decree nor any standard separation agreement I am aware of.

[Anonymous]

Any parent who has given up custody can’t control what the custodial parent does. Giving up custody is horrendous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Any parent who has given up custody can’t control what the custodial parent does. Giving up custody is horrendous.

Just remember if you choose not to communicate what Dad does on his time is also none of your business.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are right, spouse is wrong. Unless your activities involve out of state travel or a medical appointment for the kids, you don’t have to run anything by them, especially a sleep over.

Sorry, op. But the earlier you set boundaries, the better.

If a child is going overnight somewhere he has a right to know.

This is not in my divorce decree nor any standard separation agreement I am aware of.

Some parents have right of first refusal - if you are not caring for the child, then other parents has right of first refusal to take the child instead of a baby sitter etc.

Plus, some agreements say only certain people can look after the kid unless the other coparent has agreed.

A sleepover for a six year old is kind of a big deal. I would object due to covid, personally.

[Anonymous]

You said he sees the kids several times a week. Does not sound like he is not involved with the kids to me.

[Anonymous]

Ask your attorney. No one here knows what your agreement says.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Any parent who has given up custody can’t control what the custodial parent does. Giving up custody is horrendous.

Just remember if you choose not to communicate what Dad does on his time is also none of your business.

That’s the first thing that came to my mind. He will do it right back to you and you won’t like it. Maybe you should discuss it with him even if you don’t have to.

[Anonymous]

I don't see why OP should be asking her exH about how her kids spend their spare time while at HER house. It's the custodial parent prerogative to plan activities any way they see fit, I would be surprised if the separation agreement states anything else.

If OP scheduled a sleepover for HIS custodial time/at his house then of course she should have consulted first