Almost got into an accident, how to deal with in-laws?

[Anonymous]

If you are this worked up about this almost-accident, then you are going to have a very, very hard life for the next 18 years. You cannot control the world and things will happen around you that you have no control over. You need to get your head out of the bubble and realize that no one is going to look out for your and your child as much as you want them to. You have to learn to be much more cautious and much more prepared to protect against as many scenarios as you can. You are upset because you know the driver. What would you have done if the driver was not your BIL, but was a total stranger, one who didn't know you, maybe a single person who didn't know what that bulge on your chest was or didn't even see it (there are many non-parents who don't know what a child in a carrier looks like), just one who assumed the pedestrian was paying attention to the cars (which you should have been).

[Anonymous]

You realize he didn’t actually hurt you, right? I get that you were scared, but you and your baby are absolutely fine. Carrying on like this isn’t healthy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I actually wanted him to reach out, either directly or via others, especially because he felt bad right away. He didn't apologize until he was called out. Like a previous PP said, maybe he was hoping I didn't recognize him. That was what I meant about showing his character. Mistakes happen, but willingly owning up to it goes a long way.

I will keep an eye on PPD/anxiety. Thanks to those who pointed this out.

But here’s the thing. If most people recognize that the healthy response is something like “wow, that was scary. Glad it wasn’t an actual accident. Time to move on with my day and be extra careful because I can’t rely on everyone else to be perfect 100% of the time.” Then most people wouldn’t think to reach out and apologize to someone whose contact info they don’t even have. It’s not necessarily a lack of character, it’s more like not making a mountain out of a molehill. I’m sure he felt bad that he made a mistake, but I’m also pretty sure that because it was a non issue, he forgot about it quickly until he was reminded of it when his wife’s brother called to complain about a thing that could’ve happened but didn’t. So he probably responded more apologetically than usual because it’s becoming a big deal and more people are getting involved, where typically people would resolve to be more careful and move on with their day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I actually wanted him to reach out, either directly or via others, especially because he felt bad right away. He didn't apologize until he was called out. Like a previous PP said, maybe he was hoping I didn't recognize him. That was what I meant about showing his character. Mistakes happen, but willingly owning up to it goes a long way.

I will keep an eye on PPD/anxiety. Thanks to those who pointed this out.

But here’s the thing. If most people recognize that the healthy response is something like “wow, that was scary. Glad it wasn’t an actual accident. Time to move on with my day and be extra careful because I can’t rely on everyone else to be perfect 100% of the time.” Then most people wouldn’t think to reach out and apologize to someone whose contact info they don’t even have. It’s not necessarily a lack of character, it’s more like not making a mountain out of a molehill. I’m sure he felt bad that he made a mistake, but I’m also pretty sure that because it was a non issue, he forgot about it quickly until he was reminded of it when his wife’s brother called to complain about a thing that could’ve happened but didn’t. So he probably responded more apologetically than usual because it’s becoming a big deal and more people are getting involved, where typically people would resolve to be more careful and move on with their day.

I would agree with this except he was outraged when the same thing happened to him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I actually wanted him to reach out, either directly or via others, especially because he felt bad right away. He didn't apologize until he was called out. Like a previous PP said, maybe he was hoping I didn't recognize him. That was what I meant about showing his character. Mistakes happen, but willingly owning up to it goes a long way.

I will keep an eye on PPD/anxiety. Thanks to those who pointed this out.

But here’s the thing. If most people recognize that the healthy response is something like “wow, that was scary. Glad it wasn’t an actual accident. Time to move on with my day and be extra careful because I can’t rely on everyone else to be perfect 100% of the time.” Then most people wouldn’t think to reach out and apologize to someone whose contact info they don’t even have. It’s not necessarily a lack of character, it’s more like not making a mountain out of a molehill. I’m sure he felt bad that he made a mistake, but I’m also pretty sure that because it was a non issue, he forgot about it quickly until he was reminded of it when his wife’s brother called to complain about a thing that could’ve happened but didn’t. So he probably responded more apologetically than usual because it’s becoming a big deal and more people are getting involved, where typically people would resolve to be more careful and move on with their day.

I would agree with this except he was outraged when the same thing happened to him.

Like complaining about it for a little while or tracking down the driver through mutual contacts and demanding an apology, then internally vowing to silently tolerate the person if they have to be near each other in the future?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks all for the advice. I'm working on letting it go but having a hard time. I keep thinking about what could've happened to my baby. It was a scary situation and being a first time mom isn't making it easier.

To PPs:
I don't have BIL's #, nor does he have mine. DH and SIL would've found out anyway if we asked them for it.

I don't have expectations now. What's done is done. After hearing his explanation and him knowing it was me when he made the turn, I wished he had handled things differently before and after. I understand that's out of my control, so I'm telling myself that when people show you who they are, believe them. I'm sure the same goes for him re me now. I think I'll have to treat him like that 'family' member you have to deal with on holidays as I'm working on letting it go.

You showed him you’re an uptight gossip hound, he definitely shouldn’t speak to you again.

[Anonymous]

OP, I’d be very upset too. He should have found a way to make contact when he realized it was you. Or even if it was a stranger, a driver in that situation should mouth “I’m sorry!” and wave. Acknowledge the human you almost hit with your car.

Some of these PPs have very low expectations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I’d be very upset too. He should have found a way to make contact when he realized it was you. Or even if it was a stranger, a driver in that situation should mouth “I’m sorry!” and wave. Acknowledge the human you almost hit with your car.

Some of these PPs have very low expectations.

Maybe we’re all too busy to dwell on what our ILs should have done to make us feel better about their mistake.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to let it go. He feels bad. There was no accident. He knows to be more careful and you know that drivers can be stupid. Again, move on.

+1. What do you want him to say or do? He acknowledged he was wrong and feels bad. Move on.

+2 I don't get this need for people to make others wallow when they make mistakes. Your BIL said he made a mistake, OP. It is over. Let it go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you are this worked up about this almost-accident, then you are going to have a very, very hard life for the next 18 years. You cannot control the world and things will happen around you that you have no control over. You need to get your head out of the bubble and realize that no one is going to look out for your and your child as much as you want them to. You have to learn to be much more cautious and much more prepared to protect against as many scenarios as you can. You are upset because you know the driver. What would you have done if the driver was not your BIL, but was a total stranger, one who didn't know you, maybe a single person who didn't know what that bulge on your chest was or didn't even see it (there are many non-parents who don't know what a child in a carrier looks like), just one who assumed the pedestrian was paying attention to the cars (which you should have been).

+1 Well said.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I actually wanted him to reach out, either directly or via others, especially because he felt bad right away. He didn't apologize until he was called out. Like a previous PP said, maybe he was hoping I didn't recognize him. That was what I meant about showing his character. Mistakes happen, but willingly owning up to it goes a long way.

I will keep an eye on PPD/anxiety. Thanks to those who pointed this out.

But here’s the thing. If most people recognize that the healthy response is something like “wow, that was scary. Glad it wasn’t an actual accident. Time to move on with my day and be extra careful because I can’t rely on everyone else to be perfect 100% of the time.” Then most people wouldn’t think to reach out and apologize to someone whose contact info they don’t even have. It’s not necessarily a lack of character, it’s more like not making a mountain out of a molehill. I’m sure he felt bad that he made a mistake, but I’m also pretty sure that because it was a non issue, he forgot about it quickly until he was reminded of it when his wife’s brother called to complain about a thing that could’ve happened but didn’t. So he probably responded more apologetically than usual because it’s becoming a big deal and more people are getting involved, where typically people would resolve to be more careful and move on with their day.

I would agree with this except he was outraged when the same thing happened to him.

You need help. You can't let any part of this go. You are going to punish this man for being an imperfect human and not apologizing to you in the moment in the way you wanted him to? I see why your they are not close with you. This likely isn't the first time you've had an out of line reaction.

If you are not suffering from PPD/A, you are suffering from something else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would have texted him immediately “DUDE! You almost killed me and Larlo! Not cool!”

The whole chain of communication makes it super weird.

+1
To go through your husband who then goes through his sister? It's like you're looking for drama.

[Anonymous]

Unless you have pictures, video or were hit, will deny it.

[Anonymous]

I guarantee many PPs routinely cut people off. They can't waste their precious time to contact family, they won't wait for pedestrians. They chalk it up to a mistake, forget soon after, then make the same judgement call again.

OP, it was scary. Try to let it go. Seek help if you need to.

[Anonymous]

OP, I have to agree that you are overreacting. I would hope you don’t feel like you have to avoid him going forward at family events! That’s way overkill here, especially since he apologized and acknowledged feeling bad. Do you tend to hold on to hurts for a long time, or expect perfection in others?