Almost got into an accident, how to deal with in-laws?

[Anonymous]

I was crossing the street yesterday morning. The crosswalk light was green the entire time. When I was halfway across, a car made a left turn and cut me off. He literally was like 3 feet away. I was angry, looked at the driver, and it’s my BIL, which made me even angrier. He didn’t look over and I was too stunned to react in the moment, just hurried the rest of the way to the sidewalk.

I was carrying an umbrella, wearing my baby, and also wore brightly colored rain boots. No way he didn’t see me. I distinctly remember seeing his car sitting in the left turning lane before I got to the intersection. He turned from a big road onto a one-lane residential road with no lane markings. We all live in the same community so know the intersection well. In fact, a few months ago, he was outraged that a car almost ran him and his child over at the same intersection.

I’m not close to BIL. We only see each other at family gatherings and do not text or anything like that. So I thought it would be best for my DH to talk to his sister about it. She actually called her husband a “safe and cautious driver” before hearing the story, but agreed to talk to him that night. SIL texted later that night to say BIL started going because he thought he would have plenty of time. But then I started walking a lot faster than he thought, and he couldn’t stop because traffic was coming in the other direction. He felt bad right away and knew he probably made me panic. He is really sorry.

I don’t know what I was expecting his response to be, but in a way it’s worse because he knew it was me crossing the street with a baby and yet he made the conscious decision to make a left turn in the rain, into oncoming traffic, and a pedestrian on the crosswalk. If I was walking any faster, I’m pretty sure he would’ve hit us. Lesson learned for me is to continually turn my head in all directions when I’m walking.

How do I forgive and move forward from here? We don’t have any family gatherings coming up (thank goodness), but I’ll have to see him at some point.

[Anonymous]

Let it go.

[Anonymous]

This sounds fake.

[Anonymous]

I'm sure that was really scary, and it is valid to feel angry and upset. Unfortunately I think you probably also need to let it go when it comes to your relationship with BIL. What would holding a grudge accomplish? Nothing you can do will make him a more careful driver, so any action you take will only make family relationships more awkward without upside. Take the space you have and move on with the arms-length relationship. Everyone makes mistakes.

[Anonymous]

I actually can’t believe you have followed up on it at all. It was just random that it was your BIL. Treat it as you would any stranger and let it go

[Anonymous]

Let it go. He should have waited to make the turn but we’ve all made regrettable mistakes like this while driving. Nothing bad happened other than a brief scary moment.

[Anonymous]

I would have texted him immediately “DUDE! You almost killed me and Larlo! Not cool!”

The whole chain of communication makes it super weird.

[Anonymous]

Let it go. He feels bad, didn't deny it.

[Anonymous]

Could you clear one thing up? You say that it’s worse now that you know he knew it was you. When did he know it was you? When his wife told him it was you? Or before then? If it was before then, and he never reached out to you like when he got home or something, then yeah you have every right to be pissed off. If not, you have to let it go.

[Anonymous]

He made a mistake and said he was sorry. Carp happens. Let it go.

[Anonymous]

^ Lol. “Crap” happens. Though I suppose in that rain it seemed like carp!!

[Anonymous]

You got lucky twice, OP. First, by not getting in an accident which of course would not be your fault at all.

But second, that you haven't started WWIII by getting other people involved instead of calling up your BIL like a grown-up.

You might have started a smouldering problem that will come to a head in time. Don't bring in other people on these kind of things...it comes off as gossipy and adds on layers--now he's explaining to his wife, etc.

So, now back the other way through the grapevine the you have created, you have heard that he's sorry. So again, you created the grapevine, so don't expect him to say anything directly to you. Drop it.

[Anonymous]

You need to let it go. He feels bad. There was no accident. He knows to be more careful and you know that drivers can be stupid. Again, move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to let it go. He feels bad. There was no accident. He knows to be more careful and you know that drivers can be stupid. Again, move on.

+1. What do you want him to say or do? He acknowledged he was wrong and feels bad. Move on.

[Anonymous]

Let it go. He doesn’t have to feel bad even though he does . I’d be mad you almost hit my car lol