Middle school boy has no friends

[Anonymous]

Can you find a social skills group based around an interest or something he could get interested in? D&D is a good suggestion -- middle school boys will also often be interested in Pokemon, Magic: The Gathering, and other such games. Face to face interaction is best -- video gaming doesn't really develop true social skills.

My now-20 year old son went through this and it was so painful. A neuropsych exam didn't put him on the spectrum but he was so painfully shy and anxious (and moving from out of state when he was starting 6th did not help). His school counselor got him hooked up with other nerdy boys who were really into D&D and MTG, and it was so helpful.

If it's any help, many boys can grow out of this. I saw it in my son, who really blossomed in high school and is now in his junior year of college with a big friend group, and in my nephew as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Try Boy Scouts or some other group where they do organized activities.

We did that for a few years. He hated it. He does one low key team sport because we force him and one independent sport because we force him.

Are we these sports offered at your middle school? Sitting at lunch with teammates is a go to lunch strategy for a lot of boys.

[Anonymous]

OP - sign him up for Middle School cross country.

Exercise will destress him
Not a chaotic team sport
Has teammates to try and bond with

[Anonymous]

Has he always been like this or is this new? Could he be clinically depressed?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Has he always been like this or is this new? Could he be clinically depressed?

Has generally been an introvert but in the past has had a couple of friends. No longer. Not depressed per therapists.

[Anonymous]

I just want to give you a virtual hug OP. This stuff is really hard. If he has formed friendships in the past and is introverted, I would keep pushing him to try new activities and have faith that things will click with some new kids.

He will make connections. It will work out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - sign him up for Middle School cross country.

Exercise will destress him
Not a chaotic team sport
Has teammates to try and bond with

This! Really good idea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DS has no friends. He has been through elementary and middle school with the same kids but is not connecting with anyone. He eats alone at lunch in the middle school cafeteria. He does not respond well to forced activities like the counselor’s lunch bunch, meaning he doesn’t become friends with anyone. We have invited families with kids over but he barely engages and then does nothing to foster a friendship with kids. It breaks my heart that he is struggling socially. He already talks to a therapist and takes anxiety meds. Suggestions? He is a preteen so I know he has to figure this out on his own but it’s so hard to watch.

My son is the exact same. For what it is worth, we did group and it did not help. He is on ADHD meds. He is not on the spectrum. Been too school with the same kids since K and no friends. It is so hard. I have tried and tried so many different things.

I am sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Try Boy Scouts or some other group where they do organized activities.

We did that for a few years. He hated it. He does one low key team sport because we force him and one independent sport because we force him.

dp.. then find another troop.

Honestly, sometimes you have to force the kid for their own good.

My DC didn't have good friends in MS. Boy Scouts was his saving grace. DC is now a Senior , and said to me that he noticed that some of the boys in BS were really annoying and awkward as tweens but as they got older and felt more comfortable with the scouts, they seemed to become less annoying.

Best thing about scouts is that it gets you outdoors, too. My DS was not an outdoorsy kid, but he came to love the monthly camping trips.

I would try to find a different troop, and make your kid go.

[Anonymous]

Look up your local game stores and take him to events for kids. I just googled one in DC and they have various video game and board game nights. https://www.labyrinthdc.com/events/ Also, what kinds of games is he into? Pokemon, minecraft, super smash bros, fortnite? There are different multiplayer communities based on the game genre you can take him to. You also might want to look at anime conventions and meetups.

[Anonymous]

Check your local library for a kids book club. You want to find nerdy, introverted activities to find similarly minded children.

[Anonymous]

Introverted doesn't mean nerdy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What school OP? Ever since watching Wonder my daughter finds the kids sitting alone and asks them to sit or sits with them.

Maybe a teacher can have board games during lunch.
There are usually clubs for gaming, D&D, legos, etc… Have him sign up for one. He will find his people soon.

Yes, wish you’d be willing to name the school because I’ve been reminding my 7th grader to look around at lunch each day and if he sees anyone who seems lost or lonely to invite them over. Good luck. And honestly, in that situation, I’d do some research and start him at a new school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What school OP? Ever since watching Wonder my daughter finds the kids sitting alone and asks them to sit or sits with them.

Maybe a teacher can have board games during lunch.
There are usually clubs for gaming, D&D, legos, etc… Have him sign up for one. He will find his people soon.

Yes, wish you’d be willing to name the school because I’ve been reminding my 7th grader to look around at lunch each day and if he sees anyone who seems lost or lonely to invite them over. Good luck. And honestly, in that situation, I’d do some research and start him at a new school.

I disagree with finding a new school. Cross county, gaming events, Boy Scouts, after school gaming club all seem like great ideas. Moving schools compounds the problem.

[Anonymous]

OP, are you sure he is not on the spectrum? Has anyone suggested he may be? Social problems are a big red flag.