Daughter basing college selection on where her boyfriend goes

[Anonymous]

It is very difficult to disturb or disrupt couples in the first year of their first love.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let her live. For all you know, they school she/they pick will be a better fit for her on a personal level if not academic. That is equally to more important. If she’s so bright, she’ll end up in grad school anyway. It’s not like she’s walking away from a full ride to Harvard. Remember, undergrad is meaningless in the real world unless someone needs to talk crap about you under-performing.

What happens when they inevitably break up and she wants to leave the school so she doesn’t have to run into him anymore?

I would tell her that if they break up, she can’t come home and I’m not paying tuition at a new school.

Why can't she transfer out if they break up? It seems the logical solution.

[Anonymous]

What’s wrong with going to a lower rank school? If she’s smart she can get a good education anywhere.

[Anonymous]

What does the boyfriend think about this plan?

[Anonymous]

This happens every year. Things look reallllly different in March senior year than in the august before senior year. Nine times out of ten, they’ll make the decision independent of boyfriend.

[Anonymous]

The basic problem is elevating a boyfriend/girlfriend to the status of spouse.

Things get even more complicated if they’re sexually active.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The basic problem is elevating a boyfriend/girlfriend to the status of spouse.

Things get even more complicated if they’re sexually active.

Agree. An even more serious issue arises if they both attend a small school and break-up or cheat. Not pleasant. Jealous rage is a very dangerous state of mind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would be pissed but mostly at myself for raising a young woman who finds this acceptable. It indicates a weak will, poor self esteem, and lack of coping skills. Why does she believe she needs this boy in her life to function?

I would not pay for it, either.

harsh but i agree. This is a very foolish young girl. And boyfriend and she will be kaput by Christmas the first year. It's a cliche.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let her live. For all you know, they school she/they pick will be a better fit for her on a personal level if not academic. That is equally to more important. If she’s so bright, she’ll end up in grad school anyway. It’s not like she’s walking away from a full ride to Harvard. Remember, undergrad is meaningless in the real world unless someone needs to talk crap about you under-performing.

+1 College kids breakup all the time and don't transfer because of it.

[Anonymous]

Just make sure she applies to a spectrum of schools that are suited to her stats and gpa, and hopefully she’ll get into a better school than him. Then you visit that school with her and get her excited about it.

[Anonymous]

FYI my DS is a sophomore in college and five hours from his GF who he started dating at age 17. They saw each other over breaks and one additional time during the school year and are Still together. She’s a recruited athlete at a poor academic school and he is a top state university. Tell her that if it’s meant to me, their relationship will withstand the absence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would be pissed but mostly at myself for raising a young woman who finds this acceptable. It indicates a weak will, poor self esteem, and lack of coping skills. Why does she believe she needs this boy in her life to function?

I would not pay for it, either.

She doesn’t have low self esteem, she’s in love.

It’s low self esteem.

So everyone who falls in love has low self esteem?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would be pissed but mostly at myself for raising a young woman who finds this acceptable. It indicates a weak will, poor self esteem, and lack of coping skills. Why does she believe she needs this boy in her life to function?

I would not pay for it, either.

LOL you don’t have a teenager. I’m not sure you were ever a teenager yourself. I actually think you went from elementary straight to judgmental and bitter old hag

+100

[Anonymous]

Insist that she apply for a mix (selective and safety schools, even for him ).

Tell her it is possible they may break up before they leave for college. Also, long distance relationships can work. Perhaps say she would be allowed to visit his family if they move. Basically negotiate.

You are trying to help her envision keeping him and a school that meets her needs. Right now, she thinks she has to choose one or the other. Change that mindset (don’t try to talk her out if dating him at this point. That will likely end the discussion.)

But tell her you won’t let her close doors she may regret, at such a young age.

[Anonymous]

Agreed, ask her and BF to consider schools in Boston, DC, NY especially. There are clusters of higher and lower ranked schools in the major cities, so they could end up 10-20 minutes from each other without going to the exact same school. And ask her to consider EA, since it’s non-binding.