Daughter basing college selection on where her boyfriend goes

[Anonymous]

If the lower ranked school is decent, large, and has a good department for what she wants to major in, I wouldn't be too terribly upset at this point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would be pissed but mostly at myself for raising a young woman who finds this acceptable. It indicates a weak will, poor self esteem, and lack of coping skills. Why does she believe she needs this boy in her life to function?

I would not pay for it, either.

My friend is the father of three girls. The eldest was offered a full scholarship to a very highly ranked flagship, but wanted to follow her boyfriend to a fourth tier state school with less scholarship money. He told her she was crazy, but all the females in the family ganged up on him. Hopelessly outnumbered four to one, he relented. The daughter and boyfriend broke up during their first year in college, of course.

[Anonymous]

In the end your life is what you make of it
It is very difficult to parent a young adult, you have to let go and let them make their own mistakes and their own success
It is not a death sentence and you have done your bit. Now you need to learn to know your kids as adults

[Anonymous]

Look, I thought I was "in love" my senior year in HS - it was lust, really, because we had zero in common other than hormones.

Thankfully, I knew I was a ton smarter than him and didn't even factor him into my college decisions.

He and my best friend (they actually went to school together - I was at a different HS and a year ahead) wound up together for a while.

I have done long distance, though - my now husband was in the military and was sent on a 3 year tour VERY far away (6 hour time difference and 2 very long plane rides) We decided to give distance a try...and we are now less than a year away from our 20 year anniversary.

These things have a way of working themselves out.

I would try to talk with the both of them if possible. See where their heads are. I think suggestions of finding colleges not incredibly far away are good.

And again, a lot my change by May.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If the lower ranked school is decent, large, and has a good department for what she wants to major in, I wouldn't be too terribly upset at this point.

I wouldn’t love the motivation for it, but the lesser ranked school in the abstract would be fine. If its almost any state flagship, your DD will likely be absolutely fine. I know its hard for DCUM land to comprehend, but there are many, many more non-top 20 grads who have great career trajectories.

[Anonymous]

I followed my boyfriend to college back in the day. Although we ended up breaking up at the end of the second year, I had a great college experience at a small liberal arts school. As a PP mentioned, I had low confidence and poor coping skills, so I probably would not have gone to college at all if I couldn't go with my boyfriend. It all turned out fine. I ended up with a great career. I would not be upset if my daughter did this.

[Anonymous]

Mine did this, even though she insisted that she did not. Broke up over freshman winter break.