Daughter basing college selection on where her boyfriend goes

[Anonymous]

My daughter and her boyfriend have been together for a year. She has a higher gpa and test scores than him so will most likely get into higher ranked schools. Boyfriend’s parents are moving out of state after graduation so if they attend separate colleges, there would really be no way for them to see each other. Because of this she is planning on attending a lower ranked school that she’s rather sure he’ll get into.
How p*ssed would you be about this?

[Anonymous]

In August? Not terribly. A lot can happen between now and graduation.

[Anonymous]

Very but being pissed will only push them together.

[Anonymous]

Not very. So much is unknown right now. And so much will change. Decisions don’t have to made for another 8-9 months. That is a lifetime in the world of a high school senior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In August? Not terribly. A lot can happen between now and graduation.

It she’s choosing not to apply early decision to another higher ranked school because of this.

[Anonymous]

Just tell her to keep her options open.

[Anonymous]

Very. You have to handle it gently though. Keep her focused on the future, her goals, access that comes with a well regarded college, the desire for that has to override her desire to follow him, or at least compete with it in her mind. I JUST went through this with my DC, had to keep them on the path, and so glad I did, because surprise surprise they are now breaking up. Bad life choice averted.

[Anonymous]

I would be pissed. She will regret basing her decision on a guy. Dumb!

[Anonymous]

I would be pissed but mostly at myself for raising a young woman who finds this acceptable. It indicates a weak will, poor self esteem, and lack of coping skills. Why does she believe she needs this boy in her life to function?

I would not pay for it, either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not very. So much is unknown right now. And so much will change. Decisions don’t have to made for another 8-9 months. That is a lifetime in the world of a high school senior.

Ok, but if in 8-9 months she’s still planning on it?

[Anonymous]

I would tell her she will be paying for it herself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not very. So much is unknown right now. And so much will change. Decisions don’t have to made for another 8-9 months. That is a lifetime in the world of a high school senior.

Ok, but if in 8-9 months she’s still planning on it?

I don’t write narratives that far out. Neither should you. You will cross that bridge IF and when you get to it.

[Anonymous]

Tell her that if they are meant to be together then their relationship will endure any distance.

I would be pissed too and not handle it well. So stupid of her but I did stupid things too at that age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would be pissed but mostly at myself for raising a young woman who finds this acceptable. It indicates a weak will, poor self esteem, and lack of coping skills. Why does she believe she needs this boy in her life to function?

I would not pay for it, either.

She doesn’t have low self esteem, she’s in love.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My daughter and her boyfriend have been together for a year. She has a higher gpa and test scores than him so will most likely get into higher ranked schools. Boyfriend’s parents are moving out of state after graduation so if they attend separate colleges, there would really be no way for them to see each other. Because of this she is planning on attending a lower ranked school that she’s rather sure he’ll get into.
How p*ssed would you be about this?

You need to help her check the facts on this one and sell the long distance thing. They could easily get a summer job/internship in the same place together, whether it’s in your town, either of the college towns, or the parents’ new town. He can come visit or she can go visit at winter break. They can travel together for spring break. Plenty of opportunities to see each other during the year, blah blah blah. Of course you don’t really want her to be tied down long distance but this at least gets her where she needs to be.

They don’t need to go to the same school, either, to still be near each other. Research areas where she can go to a higher ranked school and he can go to one in his wheelhouse? There are lots of cities that have several schools.