are teenage boys particularly jerkish about girls these days?

[Anonymous]

OP, every boy in the school is not chasing the same 10 girls. There is a small subset of boys chasing the same ten girls, and then a whole lot of boys who aren’t. If your daughter can’t see beyond that small group of boys, that’s on her just as much as any of them.

[Anonymous]

I have a boy and a girl. My kids are modest, smart, friendly, social and good in academics. They laugh at the girls who try too hard and act skanky and the boys who lie and cheat to get into their pants. Fortunately such shallow boys and girls are a very small population of the student population.

Your kids will be fine as long as they are friends with other kids like them and they stay off social media. Especially, they should not post weird near naked pictures of themselves on social media.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Serious question....Why do you want your D to date? Unfortunately--IMO, YMMV--"dating among those 16 and 17 usually involves sex. Thanks...but I don't think that having sex at 16 or 17 is all that great for girls or boys, but especially for girls.

Time was when most educated MC and UMC people met their spouse in college and married soon afterwards. That's no longer the case. The median age of marriage creeps ever upward. So, I kind of think that having your first date at 20 if you don't plan to marry until you're at least 27 or so and don't want to have children for 3-5 years later is entirely reasonable.

I agree.

I don't understand this OP.

[Anonymous]

I think boys feel like they can’t approach girls the same way (they don’t want to be accused of anything) and also that they expect girls to come up to them with interest. There is a segment of women that absolutely don’t want to be hit on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was a teen in the late 1990’s/early 2000’s and this doesn’t sound that different from what I experienced.

There were a group of beautiful popular girls everyone wanted to date and most others didn’t really date. Maybe there would 10-20% of the high school who dated outside of these popular kids. Then that left 80% of students who didn’t date in high school.

Many people I knew started dating after they graduated and went to college.

+1 this has been this way for decades.

What? No I don’t agree. I only knew a few kids who never dated. Most had a boyfriend or two before college. And I was in a top 100 magnet high school.

I think both dating and not dating are acceptable now and that’s a great thing!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was a teen in the late 1990’s/early 2000’s and this doesn’t sound that different from what I experienced.

There were a group of beautiful popular girls everyone wanted to date and most others didn’t really date. Maybe there would 10-20% of the high school who dated outside of these popular kids. Then that left 80% of students who didn’t date in high school.

Many people I knew started dating after they graduated and went to college.

+1 this has been this way for decades.

What? No I don’t agree. I only knew a few kids who never dated. Most had a boyfriend or two before college. And I was in a top 100 magnet high school.

I think both dating and not dating are acceptable now and that’s a great thing!

Then your experience was not the norm. Welcome to the real world. It's been like this for decades.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a boy and a girl. My kids are modest, smart, friendly, social and good in academics. They laugh at the girls who try too hard and act skanky and the boys who lie and cheat to get into their pants[u]. Fortunately such shallow boys and girls are a very small population of the student population.

Your kids will be fine as long as they are friends with other kids like them and they stay off social media. Especially, they should not post weird near naked pictures of themselves on social media.

-infinity

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was a teen in the late 1990’s/early 2000’s and this doesn’t sound that different from what I experienced.

There were a group of beautiful popular girls everyone wanted to date and most others didn’t really date. Maybe there would 10-20% of the high school who dated outside of these popular kids. Then that left 80% of students who didn’t date in high school.

Many people I knew started dating after they graduated and went to college.

OP here. Interesting. But did this 80% go to college having never kissed the opposite sex? Cause this is what I'm talking about.
Totally fine but not what I experienced (1992 high school grad). I was not popular per say but there were plenty of guys (even quite attractive ones) that would give
my friends and I the time of day (from kissing to taking us to prom and on and on.
Now iI feel like it's 10-20 girls per high school are popular and the rest are ignored. At least that is what I'm seeing. Sigh.

I went to high school in the 80s, and what you’re describing was typical then too. There’s a reason John Hughes movies were so popular.

Yup--same as it ever was!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was a teen in the late 1990’s/early 2000’s and this doesn’t sound that different from what I experienced.

There were a group of beautiful popular girls everyone wanted to date and most others didn’t really date. Maybe there would 10-20% of the high school who dated outside of these popular kids. Then that left 80% of students who didn’t date in high school.

Many people I knew started dating after they graduated and went to college.

+1 this has been this way for decades.

What? No I don’t agree. I only knew a few kids who never dated. Most had a boyfriend or two before college. And I was in a top 100 magnet high school.

I think both dating and not dating are acceptable now and that’s a great thing!

Then your experience was not the norm. Welcome to the real world. It's been like this for decades.

No, YOUR experience is not the norm. I’m GenX and in my high school of over 2,000, *very* few kids never dated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was a teen in the late 1990’s/early 2000’s and this doesn’t sound that different from what I experienced.

There were a group of beautiful popular girls everyone wanted to date and most others didn’t really date. Maybe there would 10-20% of the high school who dated outside of these popular kids. Then that left 80% of students who didn’t date in high school.

Many people I knew started dating after they graduated and went to college.

+1 this has been this way for decades.

What? No I don’t agree. I only knew a few kids who never dated. Most had a boyfriend or two before college. And I was in a top 100 magnet high school.

I think both dating and not dating are acceptable now and that’s a great thing!

Then your experience was not the norm. Welcome to the real world. It's been like this for decades.

NP. +1 This was my personal experience, too. I had a close group of 8-9 female friends in high school and none of us had a boyfriend. Maybe a random one-off “date” here or there, but those were few and far between. We were attractive, smart, athletic and we had crushes on boys, but they never went anywhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not much you can do about the other boys, but you need to call out your son's obnoxious behavior. It's fine if he only wants to date the popular girls, but leading on and making fun of other girls is rude and obnoxious.

+1 I have older teen boys and have never heard either of them talk like this and would be furious if they led a girl on.

[Anonymous]

It wouldn’t surprise me one bit if smartphones are to blame. Likely these young men are spending a lot of time consuming harmful porn and that completely changes the game.

[Anonymous]

OP’s premise for this thread is such a strange lament.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have 16-17 year old g/b twins in NW DC/close-in Bethesda.
My kids have friends across public/private/Catholic.

My daughter has a tight group of friends (6) and none of them have ever dated. They find that the boys are only interested in a select type of girls.
My daughter and her friends are pretty, sporty, stylish, slim, smart. What they aren't are popular and they're not the types to post bikini shots on Instagram.

They receive next to no interest from boys. For some time this seemed awesome (who needs boys?) but now I find myself feeling a bit sad for them. It feels
(maybe I'm wrong) that girls have to really sell themselves these days to get the attention of ANY boys. All the boys are clamoring over the same circle of girls
(the popular 10 or so from each high school and they all know each other from Instagram) and the rest receive no attention. This transcends schools (these are boys from Catholic/public/private). My son and his friends are guilty of it as well which makes it worse. They turn up their noses (and basically lead on and then make fun of) other girls.
It's horrible and I've had long talks to him about it. Many long talks.

Anyone else notice this dynamic? It doesn't feel like it was this way when I was growing up. Boys were less picky and less a$$holish about girls.

It’s always been this way. I mean this is the plot of nearly every teenage comedy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your daughter and her friends should count themselves lucky. Who wants to do date an insecure boy pining after a “popular” girl. BUT, I get how that’s disappointing to your daughters’ friends…it’s fun to have boys to hang out with.

It doesn’t sound like it’s disappointing to the friends, rather it’s disappointing to the OP for some weird reason