Did anyone’s kid have a serious BF/GF when they went off to college?

[Anonymous]

OP- will he have a car? If not, and since UVA doesn't allow first years to have cars, they won't be as easily to run back and forth on 81.

[Anonymous]

Yes. They went to college 4 hours apart and are going into their senior years as strong as ever. It has actually been perfect. They have each had their individual college experiences, without being tethered to each other day and night, but they still have each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Respectfully, I completely understand why it doesn’t thrill you but the best thing you can do is not make a big deal about it or push her on it. Sure, some high school relationships go the distance but most do not, and the best thing for it to do is run its course. If she feels like you’re pushing her to break up with him and ‘experience college,’ it may push her in the exact opposite direction. Let her figure out what she wants on her own and just be non-judgmental and supportive. I know it’s hard - my kids are young so I’m not at this stage yet but am remembering my own experience - I was still with my high school BF when we went to college (different but nearby schools) and my parents were so clear in how unsupportive they were of it that I just stopped talking to them about him/that part of my life, and ultimately stayed with him longer than I otherwise would have because I needed to feel like I knew better than they did. Which, ultimately, I did - we broke up on our own terms and I was at peace with it.

Re: your making friends question, I’d be more concerned if they were both going to the same college. As it is now, even IF they see each other most weekends she’ll have a lot of time during the week where she can’t just fall back onto grabbing lunch / walking to class / whatever with him, which is a good thing in terms of making new friends.

This is so true. My very well-meaning parents did not want me to continue dating my high school boyfriend while in college. They knew there was so much more out there for me and of course, they were absolutely right. But being a typical stubborn teen, I stuck it out far too long with my boyfriend when we should have gone our separate ways. I think if they had been more neutral about it, I would have been able to make that decision sooner since I wouldn’t have been trying to prove something to them. It was such a mistake trying to continue a high school relationship while in college.

[Anonymous]

DD and her BF went to different school in the same town. I actually thought they might make it thru as they had been dating for 3 years of HS. They broke up over Christmas break and she was devastated. It was all him. He immediately started dating a girl at his college. Probably was before. His mom apologized to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is it better to be in the same college or be 2-3 hours away?

definitely not the same college!!!!!! I think 2 hours is the perfect distance, not too far to visit when needed, not too close that their lives revolve around each other.

why not in same college?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is it better to be in the same college or be 2-3 hours away?

definitely not the same college!!!!!! I think 2 hours is the perfect distance, not too far to visit when needed, not too close that their lives revolve around each other.

why not in same college?

Um because if they break up as they have a good chance of doing, they are stuck with each other for all four years. Also they will not likely make as many independent friends if they start school together.

[Anonymous]

My kid didn't, no. But I did. I was in IL and he was in MD. We saw each other over school breaks and were done by spring of freshman year. My sister also had a serious BF when she went to college. He drove from NJ to OH to surprise her one weekend in the fall and returned home single after she sent him packing. She dropped out of college after one year to attend a vocational school near home, they got back together, and they've been married for over 27 years now.

[Anonymous]

My son and his boyfriend started dating in 10th grade. They are still together, but at different colleges. They are both juniors. It doesn’t seem to have affected his social life.

[Anonymous]

Agree that you should just be as neutral as you can. It’ll go like it goes.

My DD and her BF went to the same university and they didn’t make it a month. Both families were supportive.

My Mom and Dad, on the other hand, were HS sweethearts, went to the same college, got married and stayed together the rest of their lives, despite the very strong opposition of my Mom’s father.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is it better to be in the same college or be 2-3 hours away?

Absolutely not the same college

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yup And they survived a Looooong Distance freshman year. Unfortunately. I’m crossing fingers that the breakup happens sophomore year

That’s just cruel that you would want your DC to experience such tragedy. Seriously, if her boyfriend asked you if he could propose would you say no?

[Anonymous]

Mine goes to college 77 miles from her. High school boyfriend. Still together and touring Europe this summer as we speak. They fly home the night before they leave to drive 13 hours away To go to college. I don’t say anything negative or positive. She is an adult and she makes use of her Rayo see him.

[Anonymous]

Most of the time it doesn't work out but my cousin is 55 and is married to his high school girlfriend. They both went to the same college. I have another friend who was long distance all through college (similar distance to UVA and Tech) and stayed together. They have now been married for 15 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is it better to be in the same college or be 2-3 hours away?

definitely not the same college!!!!!! I think 2 hours is the perfect distance, not too far to visit when needed, not too close that their lives revolve around each other.

why not in same college?

DP. That's the mistake I made - continuing to date my HS boyfriend while attending the same college. Big mistake. Huge. You miss out on all the new people you could be dating, not to mention friends you should be making. Jealously rears up. It's horrible.

[Anonymous]

Yes, and they broke up at Thanksgiving break. It’s quite common.