Did anyone’s kid have a serious BF/GF when they went off to college?

[Anonymous]

My best friend. But the story has an interesting twist.

They dated for 4 years of high school. Then she went 3 hours away to school for college and he stayed behind in our hometown and worked.

By the end of freshman her boyfriend had enrolled part time at community college and they said the plan was for him to do well and transfer to the college she was at. This was shocking as he had barely graduated and had always panned college as a waste of time. The ultimate plan was for her to around the college town while he would finish up his last year bc she would be a year ahead of him and then get married and move on. And they stuck to that plan for a long time.

After she graduated, she went on vacation and then home for a few weeks to spend time with family while he stayed behind, took summer classes and worked. She never went back and basically strung him a long for the first half of the year telling him how she just needed space and she really did love him and she just wanted to spend time with her family bc she missed them, etc.

She and I and a group of friends went out to a bar one night. She met some guy and two days later called and told me she was marrying him the next week because he was moving with the military and they had to marry quickly.
She moved within a few months overseas with her DH and I actually ended up going back to the apartment in the college town and helping her parents pack up her stuff.

Her boyfriend was really devastated. But he did end up getting a degree which helped him in the long term and that likely would have not happened if he hadn't dated my friend. He said this himself many times.

A few years ago, he posted on FB about meeting the DD he never knew he had. Turns out he had cheated back in the day and got another girl pregnant. I asked my friend if she was upset and she said no bc around that same time she was having a fling with one of her professors!!!

[Anonymous]

OP just don't meddle. I stayed with my boyfriend 3 years in high school and then broke up with him after senior year= 7 years total, plus we were engaged. We left each other amicably. I had a very, very full college experience. I was in a very active sorority, tons of friends and lots of guy friends. What I didn't have was lots of breaking up or dating. I met DH in my early 20s and have been very happily married. I don't have any regrets that I had a serious boyfriend in high school or college. Our love was sweet and prepared me a lot for marriage and life.

My parents have teased me mercilessly about it for decade and still bring it up. Don't be like them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My best friend. But the story has an interesting twist.

They dated for 4 years of high school. Then she went 3 hours away to school for college and he stayed behind in our hometown and worked.

By the end of freshman her boyfriend had enrolled part time at community college and they said the plan was for him to do well and transfer to the college she was at. This was shocking as he had barely graduated and had always panned college as a waste of time. The ultimate plan was for her to around the college town while he would finish up his last year bc she would be a year ahead of him and then get married and move on. And they stuck to that plan for a long time.

After she graduated, she went on vacation and then home for a few weeks to spend time with family while he stayed behind, took summer classes and worked. She never went back and basically strung him a long for the first half of the year telling him how she just needed space and she really did love him and she just wanted to spend time with her family bc she missed them, etc.

She and I and a group of friends went out to a bar one night. She met some guy and two days later called and told me she was marrying him the next week because he was moving with the military and they had to marry quickly.

Well, they both cheated, he got someone he barely knew pregnant and she married someone she barely knew. Not the greatest examples.
She moved within a few months overseas with her DH and I actually ended up going back to the apartment in the college town and helping her parents pack up her stuff.

Her boyfriend was really devastated. But he did end up getting a degree which helped him in the long term and that likely would have not happened if he hadn't dated my friend. He said this himself many times.

A few years ago, he posted on FB about meeting the DD he never knew he had. Turns out he had cheated back in the day and got another girl pregnant. I asked my friend if she was upset and she said no bc around that same time she was having a fling with one of her professors!!!

[Anonymous]

Well, he barely graduated high school, they both cheated later, he got someone he barely knew pregnant and she married someone she barely knew. Not the greatest examples to use.

I guess only good outcome was him getting a degree, which probably changed his life.

[Anonymous]

DID ANYBODY'S KID HAD A SERIOUS GF/BF WHEN THEY LEFT COLLEGE? HOW DID THAT GO?

[Anonymous]

Sorry for caps lock.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DID ANYBODY'S KID HAD A SERIOUS GF/BF WHEN THEY LEFT COLLEGE? HOW DID THAT GO?

My kids are still young, but some experiences from my life:

My sister in law dated her husband jr and senior year of high school. They ended up at colleges 3 hours apart. She did an advanced course of study and got her BA in 3 years so I don’t think she was prioritizing socializing. He went on to get a PhD and they got married around the time he defended - 10 years ago.

My friend dated someone in middle school she met at summer camp. They were too far apart and tried dating during the year and they couldn’t make it work (didn’t have driver’s licenses yet). He got married young, divorced, and later they ran into each other after college. They are married now (over 10 years).

My husband and I met spring of our freshman year of college - he was 17 and I was 19. We dated all of college and I feel like that probably limited some opportunities (ie dating / hooking up with other people). I wasn’t sure if he was “just” a college boyfriend and tried breaking up a few times, but it never lasted - I just missed him. We spent two years long distance (one year about a 3 hr drive and one year about a 1.5 hr flight). I then moved to the DMV - where he was - and people thought we were far apart since it was an hour metro ride between our apartments. I thought it was great! We alternated weekends at each other’s places and spent a night or two during the week at each other’s homes. We both earned advanced degrees and I bought my condo before we got engaged a decade after we started dating. We’re now in our mid 40s. I think there would have been advantages of not dating in college, or not trying to stay together after but there were also such joys of having him in my life and I think we’ve grown together well.

[Anonymous]

I did, quickly grew apart.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD has been with her boyfriend for over a year and they are still very serious. She will be going to UVA and he will be heading to Tech in the fall. I fear that this will have a negative impact on her making friends, she’s a rather shy kid anyways.

Has anyone else had a kid in this situation? Did it harm them socially in college?

It may harm socially or make socialization without having to see boys as potentials for dating.

[Anonymous]

*or help socialization

[Anonymous]

My DD is a freshman at a competitive four-year college, and her boyfriend of two years stayed home (45 mins away) and worked last year (he is a year older than she is). He is now taking community college classes while working.

I like her BF very much– super sweet kid– but I do worry it reduces her incentive to really dive in to college life. She comes home a lot on weekends to see BF. But... she's going to do what she's going to do.

I do worry that one or both of them will end up with a broken heart, but I suppose broken hearts are part of growing up....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yup And they survived a Looooong Distance freshman year. Unfortunately. I’m crossing fingers that the breakup happens sophomore year

That's mean.

This is PP. nope. He is a total and absolute dud. See adult children thread on the topic. Video games and skateboarding, doesn’t take life learning education or the future seriously whatsoever. The good news is she’s thinking of dumping him. My silent prayers just might be answered.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DD is a freshman at a competitive four-year college, and her boyfriend of two years stayed home (45 mins away) and worked last year (he is a year older than she is). He is now taking community college classes while working.

I like her BF very much– super sweet kid– but I do worry it reduces her incentive to really dive in to college life. She comes home a lot on weekends to see BF. But... she's going to do what she's going to do.

I do worry that one or both of them will end up with a broken heart, but I suppose broken hearts are part of growing up....

You can see it as her focusing on college as she isn't worried about dating or impressing boys. If they are serious, they may make it but with everyone rooting for them to break up, its less likely.

[Anonymous]

DD dated in Middle school for 1.5 years and broke up due to long distance and stress of high school. They met in summer camp. They reconnected just before DD goes off to college. He is in Military Academy and DD in college that is 3 hr by plane apart. He is a year older. DD is now in freshman and he is in sophomore. Don't know how long this will last. They said that they love each other since middle school and circumstances that cause them to be apart.

[Anonymous]

DD's housemate just finished college, got hired and moved in with her high school boyfriend who went to college in another state and now has a telecommuting job and moving where she'll work. Their long distance worked out. There parents lived in same town so they met during home visits and vacationed together.