Did anyone’s kid have a serious BF/GF when they went off to college?

[Anonymous]

DD has been with her boyfriend for over a year and they are still very serious. She will be going to UVA and he will be heading to Tech in the fall. I fear that this will have a negative impact on her making friends, she’s a rather shy kid anyways.

Has anyone else had a kid in this situation? Did it harm them socially in college?

[Anonymous]

Yep. Kid went to college, significant other went into military then college. Married last year.

[Anonymous]

Yes. It was my first broken heart.

[Anonymous]

My two best friends in college stayed with their high school boyfriends throughout college. They were not much fun to be around, as their boyfriends were clearly their top priorities. Both married right after graduating and both eventually divorced.

[Anonymous]

Yup And they survived a Looooong Distance freshman year. Unfortunately. I’m crossing fingers that the breakup happens sophomore year

[Anonymous]

DD dated same boy from end of soph year thru graduation. They were both on varsity track team. My DD went to state school 3 hrs away. BF applied and got in on waitlist….Passed up his guaranteed admits holding out for admission, which luckily came thru.

Both enrolled. The story I was told: he understood where she stood with waiting on becoming sexually active, but he still pushed her on it. Other girls were willing to go further with him, so he cheated and they broke up. She was heartbroken but now has other boys interested in her and she’s more focused on female friendships, traveling, parties, and school! Also other classmates are interested in her now, but she’s still single and taking it slow.

[Anonymous]

My DS had been with his GF for over a year when they both went to college last fall, five hours apart. They only saw each other 2X during the semester (other than breaks) and somehow they made it. I will say, my DS considered breaking it off when he got home from college this spring, but they are still together. Not sure they will make it through another year.

That said, they are far enough away that they can't see each other every weekend like yours will be able to. My DS did his own thing, made friends, joined a fraternity etc. And she did her own thing.

I think that UVA is about 2 hours from Tech? That's probably far enough to keep them apart except for on weekends, but yeah ideally stress to them the importance of making friends freshman year. You never get a chance to redo your freshman year.

[Anonymous]

I know one who went to the small small school as her boyfriend. They broke up early on and she had to see him (and his new dates) everywhere. Different schools would have been much better.

[Anonymous]

They will start the breakup process at Fall Break and finish it at Thanksgiving.

[Anonymous]

Yes, but we weren't geographically near each other, so still made friends and socialized with new people in college. Married now.

[Anonymous]

Op, here's a good parenting mantra: Do not impede. Do not promote.

Do not give any impression -that you- know what's best. You do not. You have no crystal ball.

[Anonymous]

DD and her HS boyfriend ended up at college together; relationship unraveled quickly and they broke up by end of October freshman year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know one who went to the small small school as her boyfriend. They broke up early on and she had to see him (and his new dates) everywhere. Different schools would have been much better.

+1
This was me, many years ago. Stupidly, my high school boyfriend and I attended the same small college. It was lovely for about a month, until we started fighting and getting jealous over all the new temptations. Broke up and had a very awkward remaining three years, trying to avoid one another on a small campus. Do not recommend.

[Anonymous]

Respectfully, I completely understand why it doesn’t thrill you but the best thing you can do is not make a big deal about it or push her on it. Sure, some high school relationships go the distance but most do not, and the best thing for it to do is run its course. If she feels like you’re pushing her to break up with him and ‘experience college,’ it may push her in the exact opposite direction. Let her figure out what she wants on her own and just be non-judgmental and supportive. I know it’s hard - my kids are young so I’m not at this stage yet but am remembering my own experience - I was still with my high school BF when we went to college (different but nearby schools) and my parents were so clear in how unsupportive they were of it that I just stopped talking to them about him/that part of my life, and ultimately stayed with him longer than I otherwise would have because I needed to feel like I knew better than they did. Which, ultimately, I did - we broke up on our own terms and I was at peace with it.

Re: your making friends question, I’d be more concerned if they were both going to the same college. As it is now, even IF they see each other most weekends she’ll have a lot of time during the week where she can’t just fall back onto grabbing lunch / walking to class / whatever with him, which is a good thing in terms of making new friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They will start the breakup process at Fall Break and finish it at Thanksgiving.

AKA "The Turkey Drop"