Have you ever fired fake friends?

[Anonymous]

I hear what OP is saying. When you're a parent, you tend to hang out with the parents of your kids' classmates, friends, and sports team members. Then the kids grow up and poof there go the parent "friendships." That's why I raise my eyebrows whenever a DCUM mom talks about other parents as being their "best friends." Newsflash: they're not. They are marriages of convenience. Don't depend on your kids' friends for your own. Same goes for work colleagues who you consider great "friends." Once you switch jobs, you are dead to them.

[Anonymous]

I’ve removed myself from neighborhood “friendships” during and after the pandemic. I realized I didn’t enjoy the drunken parties and constant gossip about whoever happened to not be there. Many of those “friends” are extreme extroverts who constantly need others around and I realized that I wasn’t a friend to them, but they just needed someone, anyone to hang out with.

[Anonymous]

Hi Nicole.

[Anonymous]

Are you this person who wants an "intellectual tennis match"?

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/30/975235.page#20058960

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP and also I caution you, OP to ignore or unfollow these so called friends on social media.

When I mention that the women tried to compete and vie for attention from the Queen Bee, it was all over Facebook or Instagram or the QB’s blog! Insidious. Pics posted with captions like, “dinner with my favorite people” or “cheers to BFFs” or “she’s my rock” or “Girls Weekend - thanks to Larla for letting us stay in your fab beach house!”

I don't see what the problem is with these posts.

[Anonymous]

What's wrong with socializing with the people who you happen to cross paths with at the moment? Your neighbors, your kids' friends' parents -- these are just people who are AROUND. Therefore you socialize with them. That is not being a "fake friend" just because you would never hang out with them if your kids weren't friends or they didn't live down the street. I don't see the treachery.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What's wrong with socializing with the people who you happen to cross paths with at the moment? Your neighbors, your kids' friends' parents -- these are just people who are AROUND. Therefore you socialize with them. That is not being a "fake friend" just because you would never hang out with them if your kids weren't friends or they didn't live down the street. I don't see the treachery.

Sure, but socializing with people who are just around doesn't making you a friend to them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What's wrong with socializing with the people who you happen to cross paths with at the moment? Your neighbors, your kids' friends' parents -- these are just people who are AROUND. Therefore you socialize with them. That is not being a "fake friend" just because you would never hang out with them if your kids weren't friends or they didn't live down the street. I don't see the treachery.

Sure, but socializing with people who are just around doesn't making you a friend to them.

Exactly. And realizing that they’re users and takers who ask for favors all the time and don’t reciprocate doesn’t make them friends either. Just people you know who fake the friend thing to get things they need. This region is transient and full of fakey fake people like that. If you’re looking for friendship, don’t look their way.

[Anonymous]

Socially ambitious SAHMs and State Department people are like this a lot. Really superficial and performative.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, I'm not that sort, but as soon as the pandemic started, half my friends just dropped off the face of the earth. Apparently I wasn't in their close circle like they were in mine...

I'll offer an alternative. I didn't contact anyone during the pandemic. I assumed they were in close quarters with their own family, and that I would be intrusive on that cozy bubble. After the first couple of months, I didn't have any idea which people welcomed social contact and which people were frightened to interact with anyone outside their immediate family. I looked at the whole thing as a "Pause Button" and now have been extending invitations. I definitely didn't stop caring about people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, I'm not that sort, but as soon as the pandemic started, half my friends just dropped off the face of the earth. Apparently I wasn't in their close circle like they were in mine...

I'll offer an alternative. I didn't contact anyone during the pandemic. I assumed they were in close quarters with their own family, and that I would be intrusive on that cozy bubble. After the first couple of months, I didn't have any idea which people welcomed social contact and which people were frightened to interact with anyone outside their immediate family. I looked at the whole thing as a "Pause Button" and now have been extending invitations. I definitely didn't stop caring about people.

I also backed off just because of the political issues. I had friends who approached the pandemic differently and the truth was I didn't want to argue with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m friendly with my neighbors. It costs nothing. We do each other small favors—I’m talking grabbing packages off the porch. I’m glad we are friendly and have no expectations of deep friendship. Super glad to have neighbors.

Read much? She's talking about "neighborhood friends," not neighbors. Sounds like she means the kids' friends' parents. Yea, they're not real friends. Just friends of convenience. Dump 'em.

Yes, they’re neighborhood friends not just neighbors. Friends of convenience—that’s it! Yes I am ready to let them go. I have done a lot of fakey fake dinners and gabbing over the years.

Describe a “fakey fake” dinner. Like, if someone invited you to dinner, that’s a nice thing to do. You might not fall into a deep best friendship, but that was a kind gesture.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP and also I caution you, OP to ignore or unfollow these so called friends on social media.

When I mention that the women tried to compete and vie for attention from the Queen Bee, it was all over Facebook or Instagram or the QB’s blog! Insidious. Pics posted with captions like, “dinner with my favorite people” or “cheers to BFFs” or “she’s my rock” or “Girls Weekend - thanks to Larla for letting us stay in your fab beach house!”

For the love of god. I think we live in the same neighborhood. I think these women are mentally ill.

Honestly, why do you care? I moved into our neighborhood 10 years ago and am friendly with a lot of people in the neighborhood, but not deep friends. But a lot of them who have lived here longer and have kids in the same grade are genuinely very close, and when they post about their dinners or vacations together, I either give it a Like or just scroll on by. What’s it to me if I’m not in their inner circle of friendship? They are unfailingly nice and polite to me, and I have other friends I’m closer to. Why would their genuine friendship hurt me in any way? It’s nothing to do with me! Not everything is to do with me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP and also I caution you, OP to ignore or unfollow these so called friends on social media.

When I mention that the women tried to compete and vie for attention from the Queen Bee, it was all over Facebook or Instagram or the QB’s blog! Insidious. Pics posted with captions like, “dinner with my favorite people” or “cheers to BFFs” or “she’s my rock” or “Girls Weekend - thanks to Larla for letting us stay in your fab beach house!”

For the love of god. I think we live in the same neighborhood. I think these women are mentally ill.

Honestly, why do you care? I moved into our neighborhood 10 years ago and am friendly with a lot of people in the neighborhood, but not deep friends. But a lot of them who have lived here longer and have kids in the same grade are genuinely very close, and when they post about their dinners or vacations together, I either give it a Like or just scroll on by. What’s it to me if I’m not in their inner circle of friendship? They are unfailingly nice and polite to me, and I have other friends I’m closer to. Why would their genuine friendship hurt me in any way? It’s nothing to do with me! Not everything is to do with me.

Ah, there’s three rub. Fake friends are not always unfailingly nice and polite.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m friendly with my neighbors. It costs nothing. We do each other small favors—I’m talking grabbing packages off the porch. I’m glad we are friendly and have no expectations of deep friendship. Super glad to have neighbors.

Read much? She's talking about "neighborhood friends," not neighbors. Sounds like she means the kids' friends' parents. Yea, they're not real friends. Just friends of convenience. Dump 'em.

Yes, they’re neighborhood friends not just neighbors. Friends of convenience—that’s it! Yes I am ready to let them go. I have done a lot of fakey fake dinners and gabbing over the years.

Describe a “fakey fake” dinner. Like, if someone invited you to dinner, that’s a nice thing to do. You might not fall into a deep best friendship, but that was a kind gesture.

I think a fakey fake dinner is something where it’s not set up with good intentions. It’s set up for other reasons, like to pay homage to the Queen Bee, to drink too much and gossip about acquaintances, or maybe to have something to photograph for Facebook to advertise the hive.