I just don’t have the stamina for houseguests anymore

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's ok to be selfish and uncaring, OP. And that's what you are. So it works out.

No. OP is perfectly reasonable. You, on the other hand, sound loony tunes.

Wrong.

Get a cleaner, order take out, ignore the whiny teenagers, and be done with it. She's not throwing a wedding. This is nothing.

How do you know how many people, how many days, how many meals, what events, etc.?

She said the 4th. She didn't say a month. She said the Fireworks. She didn't say anything else. Yes, I'm assuming it's not 100 people, but even if it is -- more pizza and hamburgers and done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:After a few years of no visitors due to COVID, we’re back to being the family destination for the Fourth because everyone wants to visit for the fireworks, etc. I love my family but I find that I no longer have the stamina, patience, energy or even tolerance for houseguests. [Insert comments about how horrible I am here, and how people will die someday, etc. I know.]

I just no longer want to cook, clean, and play concierge to every visiting relative of mine and of my husband’s, especially when it comes to picky eaters, high-maintenance people, whiny teens, etc. I’ve lost any joy I ever had in hosting, and after the break COVID gave me for holidays, etc., I just don’t know how to get it back.

What about letting them stay but making it clear they're on their own for entertainment, transportation etc.? As for food, buy some things in bulk, let them know they can help themselves, or order takeout from menus you leave for them. Or ask for a new volunteer to man the grill each night.

I laugh whenever I see posts like this. Such a tough girl! There's no way the author would ever talk to family like that in real life.

NP. I’ve agreed to let people stay with me even though the timing wasn’t ideal for me—such as when they want to visit for X event they wanted to go to, but it happened to be a super busy time at work, or when we had different plans that weekend. I say you are welcome, it will be great to see you, but the timing happens to be tricky, so I’ll have clean sheets and towels but you’re on your own for dining and plans, etc. They say thank you, we won’t be any trouble, we can make dinner on Thursday night or whatever. Seems to be great. We do like hosting when our schedules allow, but when people essentially want to use our place as a home base while they really are in town for a concert or a show at the Kennedy Center or whatnot, they are more than fine making their own breakfast instead of paying exorbitant hotel fees. What’s “tough girl” about saying sure you can crash here, but I can’t be a great hostess because that’s the same time as a big board meeting?

It's 4th of July weekend. Your reasoning doesn't apply. OP hasn't said she has any "timing isn't ideal" problems other than she just plain doesn't feel like doing it.

I’ll go slow so you can follow.

A) Someone suggested agreeing to let them stay but making it clear you can’t be in hostess with the mostess mode. [P.S. You don’t need to have a reason, especially when people are actively *asking to stay with you,* as is clearly the case with people asking to stay with OP for the Fourth—she is not inviting them]

B) You rudely did your “tough girl” bit

C) I made the point that this very dynamic has worked well for me from life experience, a point you can’t seem to reasonably argue against, which clearly makes you angry.

If OP were inviting people to stay and then complained about it? Yeah that would be fair game to tell her to suck it up and do her best. But it sounds like people want to visit her for the Fourth as a DC-area freebie hotel. Saying yes to that in any form or fashion is going above and beyond for friends and family, and she’s allowed to say yes but privately be a bit tired of it all. I know from experience that having a DC condo gets to be a bit much with people asking to visit for holidays, vacations, inauguration, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's ok to be selfish and uncaring, OP. And that's what you are. So it works out.

No. OP is perfectly reasonable. You, on the other hand, sound loony tunes.

Wrong.

Get a cleaner, order take out, ignore the whiny teenagers, and be done with it. She's not throwing a wedding. This is nothing.

How do you know how many people, how many days, how many meals, what events, etc.?

She said the 4th. She didn't say a month. She said the Fireworks. She didn't say anything else. Yes, I'm assuming it's not 100 people, but even if it is -- more pizza and hamburgers and done.

Some of us don’t host by serving pizza and burgers, but knock yourself out.

[Anonymous]

I think the way to deal with this is set reasonable boundaries and then enjoy as much as you can.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's ok to be selfish and uncaring, OP. And that's what you are. So it works out.

No. OP is perfectly reasonable. You, on the other hand, sound loony tunes.

Wrong.

Get a cleaner, order take out, ignore the whiny teenagers, and be done with it. She's not throwing a wedding. This is nothing.

You know what, you are an internet bully.

No, I'm not. I'm expressing an honest opinion. With everything going on in this country and the world, and OP is all worked up over hosting some relatives for hot dogs and hamburgers on the 4th of July? I'm not bullying -- I'm providing a reality check.

NP. I hope that whatever is so deeply troubling you gets better.

What's troubling me is reading one post after another from people insisting that they're being put upon, and whenever they do it they have a bunch of nasty posters backing them up. DCUM is becoming nothing more than a complaint box for selfish people.

So you’re on here complaining that people are…on here complaining? Got it.

Maybe go somewhere else if this particular corner of the internet troubles you so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's ok to be selfish and uncaring, OP. And that's what you are. So it works out.

No. OP is perfectly reasonable. You, on the other hand, sound loony tunes.

Wrong.

Get a cleaner, order take out, ignore the whiny teenagers, and be done with it. She's not throwing a wedding. This is nothing.

You know what, you are an internet bully.

No, I'm not. I'm expressing an honest opinion. With everything going on in this country and the world, and OP is all worked up over hosting some relatives for hot dogs and hamburgers on the 4th of July? I'm not bullying -- I'm providing a reality check.

NP. I hope that whatever is so deeply troubling you gets better.

What's troubling me is reading one post after another from people insisting that they're being put upon, and whenever they do it they have a bunch of nasty posters backing them up. DCUM is becoming nothing more than a complaint box for selfish people.

Go away then complainer. Why are you here and acting so put upon by other people complaining?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:After a few years of no visitors due to COVID, we’re back to being the family destination for the Fourth because everyone wants to visit for the fireworks, etc. I love my family but I find that I no longer have the stamina, patience, energy or even tolerance for houseguests. [Insert comments about how horrible I am here, and how people will die someday, etc. I know.]

I just no longer want to cook, clean, and play concierge to every visiting relative of mine and of my husband’s, especially when it comes to picky eaters, high-maintenance people, whiny teens, etc. I’ve lost any joy I ever had in hosting, and after the break COVID gave me for holidays, etc., I just don’t know how to get it back.

What about letting them stay but making it clear they're on their own for entertainment, transportation etc.? As for food, buy some things in bulk, let them know they can help themselves, or order takeout from menus you leave for them. Or ask for a new volunteer to man the grill each night.

I laugh whenever I see posts like this. Such a tough girl! There's no way the author would ever talk to family like that in real life.

NP. I’ve agreed to let people stay with me even though the timing wasn’t ideal for me—such as when they want to visit for X event they wanted to go to, but it happened to be a super busy time at work, or when we had different plans that weekend. I say you are welcome, it will be great to see you, but the timing happens to be tricky, so I’ll have clean sheets and towels but you’re on your own for dining and plans, etc. They say thank you, we won’t be any trouble, we can make dinner on Thursday night or whatever. Seems to be great. We do like hosting when our schedules allow, but when people essentially want to use our place as a home base while they really are in town for a concert or a show at the Kennedy Center or whatnot, they are more than fine making their own breakfast instead of paying exorbitant hotel fees. What’s “tough girl” about saying sure you can crash here, but I can’t be a great hostess because that’s the same time as a big board meeting?

It's 4th of July weekend. Your reasoning doesn't apply. OP hasn't said she has any "timing isn't ideal" problems other than she just plain doesn't feel like doing it.

I’ll go slow so you can follow.

A) Someone suggested agreeing to let them stay but making it clear you can’t be in hostess with the mostess mode. [P.S. You don’t need to have a reason, especially when people are actively *asking to stay with you,* as is clearly the case with people asking to stay with OP for the Fourth—she is not inviting them]

B) You rudely did your “tough girl” bit

C) I made the point that this very dynamic has worked well for me from life experience, a point you can’t seem to reasonably argue against, which clearly makes you angry.

If OP were inviting people to stay and then complained about it? Yeah that would be fair game to tell her to suck it up and do her best. But it sounds like people want to visit her for the Fourth as a DC-area freebie hotel. Saying yes to that in any form or fashion is going above and beyond for friends and family, and she’s allowed to say yes but privately be a bit tired of it all. I know from experience that having a DC condo gets to be a bit much with people asking to visit for holidays, vacations, inauguration, etc.

She said they're family. Not friends. You accommodate family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:After a few years of no visitors due to COVID, we’re back to being the family destination for the Fourth because everyone wants to visit for the fireworks, etc. I love my family but I find that I no longer have the stamina, patience, energy or even tolerance for houseguests. [Insert comments about how horrible I am here, and how people will die someday, etc. I know.]

I just no longer want to cook, clean, and play concierge to every visiting relative of mine and of my husband’s, especially when it comes to picky eaters, high-maintenance people, whiny teens, etc. I’ve lost any joy I ever had in hosting, and after the break COVID gave me for holidays, etc., I just don’t know how to get it back.

What about letting them stay but making it clear they're on their own for entertainment, transportation etc.? As for food, buy some things in bulk, let them know they can help themselves, or order takeout from menus you leave for them. Or ask for a new volunteer to man the grill each night.

I laugh whenever I see posts like this. Such a tough girl! There's no way the author would ever talk to family like that in real life.

NP. I’ve agreed to let people stay with me even though the timing wasn’t ideal for me—such as when they want to visit for X event they wanted to go to, but it happened to be a super busy time at work, or when we had different plans that weekend. I say you are welcome, it will be great to see you, but the timing happens to be tricky, so I’ll have clean sheets and towels but you’re on your own for dining and plans, etc. They say thank you, we won’t be any trouble, we can make dinner on Thursday night or whatever. Seems to be great. We do like hosting when our schedules allow, but when people essentially want to use our place as a home base while they really are in town for a concert or a show at the Kennedy Center or whatnot, they are more than fine making their own breakfast instead of paying exorbitant hotel fees. What’s “tough girl” about saying sure you can crash here, but I can’t be a great hostess because that’s the same time as a big board meeting?

It's 4th of July weekend. Your reasoning doesn't apply. OP hasn't said she has any "timing isn't ideal" problems other than she just plain doesn't feel like doing it.

I’ll go slow so you can follow.

A) Someone suggested agreeing to let them stay but making it clear you can’t be in hostess with the mostess mode. [P.S. You don’t need to have a reason, especially when people are actively *asking to stay with you,* as is clearly the case with people asking to stay with OP for the Fourth—she is not inviting them]

B) You rudely did your “tough girl” bit

C) I made the point that this very dynamic has worked well for me from life experience, a point you can’t seem to reasonably argue against, which clearly makes you angry.

If OP were inviting people to stay and then complained about it? Yeah that would be fair game to tell her to suck it up and do her best. But it sounds like people want to visit her for the Fourth as a DC-area freebie hotel. Saying yes to that in any form or fashion is going above and beyond for friends and family, and she’s allowed to say yes but privately be a bit tired of it all. I know from experience that having a DC condo gets to be a bit much with people asking to visit for holidays, vacations, inauguration, etc.

She said they're family. Not friends. You accommodate family.

Oh, I get it. You’re Cousin Larla from Bumblefuch, who expects to show up and park your double-wide arse on a big city couch a few times a year for free so you can watch them fireworks!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's ok to be selfish and uncaring, OP. And that's what you are. So it works out.

No. OP is perfectly reasonable. You, on the other hand, sound loony tunes.

Wrong.

Get a cleaner, order take out, ignore the whiny teenagers, and be done with it. She's not throwing a wedding. This is nothing.

How do you know how many people, how many days, how many meals, what events, etc.?

She said the 4th. She didn't say a month. She said the Fireworks. She didn't say anything else. Yes, I'm assuming it's not 100 people, but even if it is -- more pizza and hamburgers and done.

Some of us don’t host by serving pizza and burgers, but knock yourself out.

Ok, so this is classic. Putting aside that it's the 4th of July, where hamburgers are, well, as American as the 4th of July, there's also the "can't win" argument. I advise OP to make it easy on herself by serving something simple, and the response I get it "some of us don't do simple."

Amazing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:After a few years of no visitors due to COVID, we’re back to being the family destination for the Fourth because everyone wants to visit for the fireworks, etc. I love my family but I find that I no longer have the stamina, patience, energy or even tolerance for houseguests. [Insert comments about how horrible I am here, and how people will die someday, etc. I know.]

I just no longer want to cook, clean, and play concierge to every visiting relative of mine and of my husband’s, especially when it comes to picky eaters, high-maintenance people, whiny teens, etc. I’ve lost any joy I ever had in hosting, and after the break COVID gave me for holidays, etc., I just don’t know how to get it back.

What about letting them stay but making it clear they're on their own for entertainment, transportation etc.? As for food, buy some things in bulk, let them know they can help themselves, or order takeout from menus you leave for them. Or ask for a new volunteer to man the grill each night.

I laugh whenever I see posts like this. Such a tough girl! There's no way the author would ever talk to family like that in real life.

NP. I’ve agreed to let people stay with me even though the timing wasn’t ideal for me—such as when they want to visit for X event they wanted to go to, but it happened to be a super busy time at work, or when we had different plans that weekend. I say you are welcome, it will be great to see you, but the timing happens to be tricky, so I’ll have clean sheets and towels but you’re on your own for dining and plans, etc. They say thank you, we won’t be any trouble, we can make dinner on Thursday night or whatever. Seems to be great. We do like hosting when our schedules allow, but when people essentially want to use our place as a home base while they really are in town for a concert or a show at the Kennedy Center or whatnot, they are more than fine making their own breakfast instead of paying exorbitant hotel fees. What’s “tough girl” about saying sure you can crash here, but I can’t be a great hostess because that’s the same time as a big board meeting?

It's 4th of July weekend. Your reasoning doesn't apply. OP hasn't said she has any "timing isn't ideal" problems other than she just plain doesn't feel like doing it.

I’ll go slow so you can follow.

A) Someone suggested agreeing to let them stay but making it clear you can’t be in hostess with the mostess mode. [P.S. You don’t need to have a reason, especially when people are actively *asking to stay with you,* as is clearly the case with people asking to stay with OP for the Fourth—she is not inviting them]

B) You rudely did your “tough girl” bit

C) I made the point that this very dynamic has worked well for me from life experience, a point you can’t seem to reasonably argue against, which clearly makes you angry.

If OP were inviting people to stay and then complained about it? Yeah that would be fair game to tell her to suck it up and do her best. But it sounds like people want to visit her for the Fourth as a DC-area freebie hotel. Saying yes to that in any form or fashion is going above and beyond for friends and family, and she’s allowed to say yes but privately be a bit tired of it all. I know from experience that having a DC condo gets to be a bit much with people asking to visit for holidays, vacations, inauguration, etc.

She said they're family. Not friends. You accommodate family.

Oh, I get it. You’re Cousin Larla from Bumblefuch, who expects to show up and park your double-wide arse on a big city couch a few times a year for free so you can watch them fireworks!

Nope. I've lived in the DC area for decades. But I'd be happy to host Cousin Larla once a damned year, yea, and I wouldn't judge her for not coming from as cool of a place as you live. A DC condo is all you can afford?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:After a few years of no visitors due to COVID, we’re back to being the family destination for the Fourth because everyone wants to visit for the fireworks, etc. I love my family but I find that I no longer have the stamina, patience, energy or even tolerance for houseguests. [Insert comments about how horrible I am here, and how people will die someday, etc. I know.]

I just no longer want to cook, clean, and play concierge to every visiting relative of mine and of my husband’s, especially when it comes to picky eaters, high-maintenance people, whiny teens, etc. I’ve lost any joy I ever had in hosting, and after the break COVID gave me for holidays, etc., I just don’t know how to get it back.

What about letting them stay but making it clear they're on their own for entertainment, transportation etc.? As for food, buy some things in bulk, let them know they can help themselves, or order takeout from menus you leave for them. Or ask for a new volunteer to man the grill each night.

I laugh whenever I see posts like this. Such a tough girl! There's no way the author would ever talk to family like that in real life.

NP. I’ve agreed to let people stay with me even though the timing wasn’t ideal for me—such as when they want to visit for X event they wanted to go to, but it happened to be a super busy time at work, or when we had different plans that weekend. I say you are welcome, it will be great to see you, but the timing happens to be tricky, so I’ll have clean sheets and towels but you’re on your own for dining and plans, etc. They say thank you, we won’t be any trouble, we can make dinner on Thursday night or whatever. Seems to be great. We do like hosting when our schedules allow, but when people essentially want to use our place as a home base while they really are in town for a concert or a show at the Kennedy Center or whatnot, they are more than fine making their own breakfast instead of paying exorbitant hotel fees. What’s “tough girl” about saying sure you can crash here, but I can’t be a great hostess because that’s the same time as a big board meeting?

It's 4th of July weekend. Your reasoning doesn't apply. OP hasn't said she has any "timing isn't ideal" problems other than she just plain doesn't feel like doing it.

I’ll go slow so you can follow.

A) Someone suggested agreeing to let them stay but making it clear you can’t be in hostess with the mostess mode. [P.S. You don’t need to have a reason, especially when people are actively *asking to stay with you,* as is clearly the case with people asking to stay with OP for the Fourth—she is not inviting them]

B) You rudely did your “tough girl” bit

C) I made the point that this very dynamic has worked well for me from life experience, a point you can’t seem to reasonably argue against, which clearly makes you angry.

If OP were inviting people to stay and then complained about it? Yeah that would be fair game to tell her to suck it up and do her best. But it sounds like people want to visit her for the Fourth as a DC-area freebie hotel. Saying yes to that in any form or fashion is going above and beyond for friends and family, and she’s allowed to say yes but privately be a bit tired of it all. I know from experience that having a DC condo gets to be a bit much with people asking to visit for holidays, vacations, inauguration, etc.

She said they're family. Not friends. You accommodate family.

Oh, I get it. You’re Cousin Larla from Bumblefuch, who expects to show up and park your double-wide arse on a big city couch a few times a year for free so you can watch them fireworks!

Nope. I've lived in the DC area for decades. But I'd be happy to host Cousin Larla once a damned year, yea, and I wouldn't judge her for not coming from as cool of a place as you live. A DC condo is all you can afford?

Oh honey, just a DC condo and a house in VA and our townhouse in Boston that we rent. But you sure did try it! I really do pray that whatever is eating your soul today gets better. Have you been drinking heavily, and it’s barely even 5? Tsk tsk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel you on this OP. I’m a person that enjoys hosting but it always took a lot out of me. Since COVID though, it’s just such a huge heavy lift to get my space back in people ready order and I’m just so used to being home and having my own space, that’s it’s hard to go back to not having that. I don’t blame you - sounds like unless you’re unhappy about feeling this way, you’ve found a more authentic self.

Do you talk like this in real life?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:After a few years of no visitors due to COVID, we’re back to being the family destination for the Fourth because everyone wants to visit for the fireworks, etc. I love my family but I find that I no longer have the stamina, patience, energy or even tolerance for houseguests. [Insert comments about how horrible I am here, and how people will die someday, etc. I know.]

I just no longer want to cook, clean, and play concierge to every visiting relative of mine and of my husband’s, especially when it comes to picky eaters, high-maintenance people, whiny teens, etc. I’ve lost any joy I ever had in hosting, and after the break COVID gave me for holidays, etc., I just don’t know how to get it back.

What about letting them stay but making it clear they're on their own for entertainment, transportation etc.? As for food, buy some things in bulk, let them know they can help themselves, or order takeout from menus you leave for them. Or ask for a new volunteer to man the grill each night.

I laugh whenever I see posts like this. Such a tough girl! There's no way the author would ever talk to family like that in real life.

NP. I’ve agreed to let people stay with me even though the timing wasn’t ideal for me—such as when they want to visit for X event they wanted to go to, but it happened to be a super busy time at work, or when we had different plans that weekend. I say you are welcome, it will be great to see you, but the timing happens to be tricky, so I’ll have clean sheets and towels but you’re on your own for dining and plans, etc. They say thank you, we won’t be any trouble, we can make dinner on Thursday night or whatever. Seems to be great. We do like hosting when our schedules allow, but when people essentially want to use our place as a home base while they really are in town for a concert or a show at the Kennedy Center or whatnot, they are more than fine making their own breakfast instead of paying exorbitant hotel fees. What’s “tough girl” about saying sure you can crash here, but I can’t be a great hostess because that’s the same time as a big board meeting?

It's 4th of July weekend. Your reasoning doesn't apply. OP hasn't said she has any "timing isn't ideal" problems other than she just plain doesn't feel like doing it.

I’ll go slow so you can follow.

A) Someone suggested agreeing to let them stay but making it clear you can’t be in hostess with the mostess mode. [P.S. You don’t need to have a reason, especially when people are actively *asking to stay with you,* as is clearly the case with people asking to stay with OP for the Fourth—she is not inviting them]

B) You rudely did your “tough girl” bit

C) I made the point that this very dynamic has worked well for me from life experience, a point you can’t seem to reasonably argue against, which clearly makes you angry.

If OP were inviting people to stay and then complained about it? Yeah that would be fair game to tell her to suck it up and do her best. But it sounds like people want to visit her for the Fourth as a DC-area freebie hotel. Saying yes to that in any form or fashion is going above and beyond for friends and family, and she’s allowed to say yes but privately be a bit tired of it all. I know from experience that having a DC condo gets to be a bit much with people asking to visit for holidays, vacations, inauguration, etc.

She said they're family. Not friends. You accommodate family.

Oh, I get it. You’re Cousin Larla from Bumblefuch, who expects to show up and park your double-wide arse on a big city couch a few times a year for free so you can watch them fireworks!

Nope. I've lived in the DC area for decades. But I'd be happy to host Cousin Larla once a damned year, yea, and I wouldn't judge her for not coming from as cool of a place as you live. A DC condo is all you can afford?

Oh honey, just a DC condo and a house in VA and our townhouse in Boston that we rent. But you sure did try it! I really do pray that whatever is eating your soul today gets better. Have you been drinking heavily, and it’s barely even 5? Tsk tsk.

I just knew it. You're sitting in bland suburban hellish NoVA (having abandoned DC when you had kids because you couldn't possibly send them to school with "those" kids) and here you are making fun of Cousin Larla. So typical.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:After a few years of no visitors due to COVID, we’re back to being the family destination for the Fourth because everyone wants to visit for the fireworks, etc. I love my family but I find that I no longer have the stamina, patience, energy or even tolerance for houseguests. [Insert comments about how horrible I am here, and how people will die someday, etc. I know.]

I just no longer want to cook, clean, and play concierge to every visiting relative of mine and of my husband’s, especially when it comes to picky eaters, high-maintenance people, whiny teens, etc. I’ve lost any joy I ever had in hosting, and after the break COVID gave me for holidays, etc., I just don’t know how to get it back.

What about letting them stay but making it clear they're on their own for entertainment, transportation etc.? As for food, buy some things in bulk, let them know they can help themselves, or order takeout from menus you leave for them. Or ask for a new volunteer to man the grill each night.

I laugh whenever I see posts like this. Such a tough girl! There's no way the author would ever talk to family like that in real life.

NP. I’ve agreed to let people stay with me even though the timing wasn’t ideal for me—such as when they want to visit for X event they wanted to go to, but it happened to be a super busy time at work, or when we had different plans that weekend. I say you are welcome, it will be great to see you, but the timing happens to be tricky, so I’ll have clean sheets and towels but you’re on your own for dining and plans, etc. They say thank you, we won’t be any trouble, we can make dinner on Thursday night or whatever. Seems to be great. We do like hosting when our schedules allow, but when people essentially want to use our place as a home base while they really are in town for a concert or a show at the Kennedy Center or whatnot, they are more than fine making their own breakfast instead of paying exorbitant hotel fees. What’s “tough girl” about saying sure you can crash here, but I can’t be a great hostess because that’s the same time as a big board meeting?

It's 4th of July weekend. Your reasoning doesn't apply. OP hasn't said she has any "timing isn't ideal" problems other than she just plain doesn't feel like doing it.

I’ll go slow so you can follow.

A) Someone suggested agreeing to let them stay but making it clear you can’t be in hostess with the mostess mode. [P.S. You don’t need to have a reason, especially when people are actively *asking to stay with you,* as is clearly the case with people asking to stay with OP for the Fourth—she is not inviting them]

B) You rudely did your “tough girl” bit

C) I made the point that this very dynamic has worked well for me from life experience, a point you can’t seem to reasonably argue against, which clearly makes you angry.

If OP were inviting people to stay and then complained about it? Yeah that would be fair game to tell her to suck it up and do her best. But it sounds like people want to visit her for the Fourth as a DC-area freebie hotel. Saying yes to that in any form or fashion is going above and beyond for friends and family, and she’s allowed to say yes but privately be a bit tired of it all. I know from experience that having a DC condo gets to be a bit much with people asking to visit for holidays, vacations, inauguration, etc.

She said they're family. Not friends. You accommodate family.

Oh, I get it. You’re Cousin Larla from Bumblefuch, who expects to show up and park your double-wide arse on a big city couch a few times a year for free so you can watch them fireworks!

Nope. I've lived in the DC area for decades. But I'd be happy to host Cousin Larla once a damned year, yea, and I wouldn't judge her for not coming from as cool of a place as you live. A DC condo is all you can afford?

Oh honey, just a DC condo and a house in VA and our townhouse in Boston that we rent. But you sure did try it! I really do pray that whatever is eating your soul today gets better. Have you been drinking heavily, and it’s barely even 5? Tsk tsk.

I just knew it. You're sitting in bland suburban hellish NoVA (having abandoned DC when you had kids because you couldn't possibly send them to school with "those" kids) and here you are making fun of Cousin Larla. So typical.

How did I “abandon DC” when we still have a condo there? I mean, I get that you have one home only, but that’s you.

[Anonymous]

I feel your pain