I just don’t have the stamina for houseguests anymore

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's ok to be selfish and uncaring, OP. And that's what you are. So it works out.

No. OP is perfectly reasonable. You, on the other hand, sound loony tunes.

Wrong.

Get a cleaner, order take out, ignore the whiny teenagers, and be done with it. She's not throwing a wedding. This is nothing.

You know what, you are an internet bully.

No, I'm not. I'm expressing an honest opinion. With everything going on in this country and the world, and OP is all worked up over hosting some relatives for hot dogs and hamburgers on the 4th of July? I'm not bullying -- I'm providing a reality check.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:After a few years of no visitors due to COVID, we’re back to being the family destination for the Fourth because everyone wants to visit for the fireworks, etc. I love my family but I find that I no longer have the stamina, patience, energy or even tolerance for houseguests. [Insert comments about how horrible I am here, and how people will die someday, etc. I know.]

I just no longer want to cook, clean, and play concierge to every visiting relative of mine and of my husband’s, especially when it comes to picky eaters, high-maintenance people, whiny teens, etc. I’ve lost any joy I ever had in hosting, and after the break COVID gave me for holidays, etc., I just don’t know how to get it back.

What about letting them stay but making it clear they're on their own for entertainment, transportation etc.? As for food, buy some things in bulk, let them know they can help themselves, or order takeout from menus you leave for them. Or ask for a new volunteer to man the grill each night.

+1. Perfectly reasonable to set boundaries. you could also ask each family to be in charge of dinner one night.

I also think it's fine to stop hosting, or even stop for awhile. Just let people know far in advance.

[Anonymous]

Where is your husband here, OP? He should be stepping up to take this burden off your shoulders, especially if it's his family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:After a few years of no visitors due to COVID, we’re back to being the family destination for the Fourth because everyone wants to visit for the fireworks, etc. I love my family but I find that I no longer have the stamina, patience, energy or even tolerance for houseguests. [Insert comments about how horrible I am here, and how people will die someday, etc. I know.]

I just no longer want to cook, clean, and play concierge to every visiting relative of mine and of my husband’s, especially when it comes to picky eaters, high-maintenance people, whiny teens, etc. I’ve lost any joy I ever had in hosting, and after the break COVID gave me for holidays, etc., I just don’t know how to get it back.

You don’t have to get it back, OP. Just say no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Where is your husband here, OP? He should be stepping up to take this burden off your shoulders, especially if it's his family.

And there we have it. With every one of these posts you can expect:

1. Put your foot down! Tell the ingrates NO and put them in a hotel!

Followed by:

2. And what about your good-for-nothing lazy husband??? They're HIS family! Tell him to get up off his a$$! The assumption always being, of course, that he's not pulling his weight.

Sigh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I never had people over. My house is not a hotel. One night, sure, but beyond that, it is a hard no. I will NOT cook for you. I will order you a pizza though. I will not clean upon your arrival but I will tidy up.

+1. My parents never did, either, and they had an active social life. It’s really ok not to host.

[Anonymous]

Maybe it's the heat, but there seem to be particularly grumpy people on DCUM today.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's ok to be selfish and uncaring, OP. And that's what you are. So it works out.

No. OP is perfectly reasonable. You, on the other hand, sound loony tunes.

Wrong.

Get a cleaner, order take out, ignore the whiny teenagers, and be done with it. She's not throwing a wedding. This is nothing.

How do you know how many people, how many days, how many meals, what events, etc.?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe it's the heat, but there seem to be particularly grumpy people on DCUM today.

Which ones?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe it's the heat, but there seem to be particularly grumpy people on DCUM today.

Which ones?

The ones who respond with un-necessary venom. On this thread and others (yes, it's a slow day for me).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's ok to be selfish and uncaring, OP. And that's what you are. So it works out.

No. OP is perfectly reasonable. You, on the other hand, sound loony tunes.

Wrong.

Get a cleaner, order take out, ignore the whiny teenagers, and be done with it. She's not throwing a wedding. This is nothing.

In my experience teenagers are the easiest - order them pizza and provide wifi and they are happy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:After a few years of no visitors due to COVID, we’re back to being the family destination for the Fourth because everyone wants to visit for the fireworks, etc. I love my family but I find that I no longer have the stamina, patience, energy or even tolerance for houseguests. [Insert comments about how horrible I am here, and how people will die someday, etc. I know.]

I just no longer want to cook, clean, and play concierge to every visiting relative of mine and of my husband’s, especially when it comes to picky eaters, high-maintenance people, whiny teens, etc. I’ve lost any joy I ever had in hosting, and after the break COVID gave me for holidays, etc., I just don’t know how to get it back.

What about letting them stay but making it clear they're on their own for entertainment, transportation etc.? As for food, buy some things in bulk, let them know they can help themselves, or order takeout from menus you leave for them. Or ask for a new volunteer to man the grill each night.

I laugh whenever I see posts like this. Such a tough girl! There's no way the author would ever talk to family like that in real life.

NP. I’ve agreed to let people stay with me even though the timing wasn’t ideal for me—such as when they want to visit for X event they wanted to go to, but it happened to be a super busy time at work, or when we had different plans that weekend. I say you are welcome, it will be great to see you, but the timing happens to be tricky, so I’ll have clean sheets and towels but you’re on your own for dining and plans, etc. They say thank you, we won’t be any trouble, we can make dinner on Thursday night or whatever. Seems to be great. We do like hosting when our schedules allow, but when people essentially want to use our place as a home base while they really are in town for a concert or a show at the Kennedy Center or whatnot, they are more than fine making their own breakfast instead of paying exorbitant hotel fees. What’s “tough girl” about saying sure you can crash here, but I can’t be a great hostess because that’s the same time as a big board meeting?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's ok to be selfish and uncaring, OP. And that's what you are. So it works out.

No. OP is perfectly reasonable. You, on the other hand, sound loony tunes.

Wrong.

Get a cleaner, order take out, ignore the whiny teenagers, and be done with it. She's not throwing a wedding. This is nothing.

You know what, you are an internet bully.

No, I'm not. I'm expressing an honest opinion. With everything going on in this country and the world, and OP is all worked up over hosting some relatives for hot dogs and hamburgers on the 4th of July? I'm not bullying -- I'm providing a reality check.

NP. I hope that whatever is so deeply troubling you gets better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:After a few years of no visitors due to COVID, we’re back to being the family destination for the Fourth because everyone wants to visit for the fireworks, etc. I love my family but I find that I no longer have the stamina, patience, energy or even tolerance for houseguests. [Insert comments about how horrible I am here, and how people will die someday, etc. I know.]

I just no longer want to cook, clean, and play concierge to every visiting relative of mine and of my husband’s, especially when it comes to picky eaters, high-maintenance people, whiny teens, etc. I’ve lost any joy I ever had in hosting, and after the break COVID gave me for holidays, etc., I just don’t know how to get it back.

What about letting them stay but making it clear they're on their own for entertainment, transportation etc.? As for food, buy some things in bulk, let them know they can help themselves, or order takeout from menus you leave for them. Or ask for a new volunteer to man the grill each night.

I laugh whenever I see posts like this. Such a tough girl! There's no way the author would ever talk to family like that in real life.

NP. I’ve agreed to let people stay with me even though the timing wasn’t ideal for me—such as when they want to visit for X event they wanted to go to, but it happened to be a super busy time at work, or when we had different plans that weekend. I say you are welcome, it will be great to see you, but the timing happens to be tricky, so I’ll have clean sheets and towels but you’re on your own for dining and plans, etc. They say thank you, we won’t be any trouble, we can make dinner on Thursday night or whatever. Seems to be great. We do like hosting when our schedules allow, but when people essentially want to use our place as a home base while they really are in town for a concert or a show at the Kennedy Center or whatnot, they are more than fine making their own breakfast instead of paying exorbitant hotel fees. What’s “tough girl” about saying sure you can crash here, but I can’t be a great hostess because that’s the same time as a big board meeting?

It's 4th of July weekend. Your reasoning doesn't apply. OP hasn't said she has any "timing isn't ideal" problems other than she just plain doesn't feel like doing it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's ok to be selfish and uncaring, OP. And that's what you are. So it works out.

No. OP is perfectly reasonable. You, on the other hand, sound loony tunes.

Wrong.

Get a cleaner, order take out, ignore the whiny teenagers, and be done with it. She's not throwing a wedding. This is nothing.

You know what, you are an internet bully.

No, I'm not. I'm expressing an honest opinion. With everything going on in this country and the world, and OP is all worked up over hosting some relatives for hot dogs and hamburgers on the 4th of July? I'm not bullying -- I'm providing a reality check.

NP. I hope that whatever is so deeply troubling you gets better.

What's troubling me is reading one post after another from people insisting that they're being put upon, and whenever they do it they have a bunch of nasty posters backing them up. DCUM is becoming nothing more than a complaint box for selfish people.