GRR - Husband unable to "get relief" when having sex, becoming a huge problem.

[Anonymous]

What a jerk. Just because you married him doesn't mean it's your job to satisfy his bizarrely insatiable sexual appetite. I would not have sex with him. What a weirdo.

[Anonymous]

Get him off benzos esp if he drinks a lot!

[Anonymous]

Counseling. Now.

[Anonymous]

He might do better if he didn't drink. He's really screwing over his health if he is drinking with the psych meds, I know I am also on them.

[Anonymous]

He sounds like a hornet teenager. So gross. It feels predatory to be honest. I would have sleeping next to someone who just sees me as a vessel to get off.

[Anonymous]

Diabetes.

[Anonymous]

No medication would be worth this for me. And I love a glass of wine with dinner as much as anyone, but I'd cut way back on drinking if it was affecting me like that.

[Anonymous]

When I was taking Prozac, if I went about 40mg, I just could not orgasm. It was sooooo frustrating to be so turned on and not be able to get relief. So I lowered my dosage. Your husband is so selfish. Lower the dosage or get a new med, a-hole! This is NOT your problem to fix.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you despised him already and this is just bringing it to a head.

After two years of his constant complaining about me not wanting sex (after trying and trying with no "end" in sight), yes - I do despise him. So tired of getting the finger pointed at me when ultimately it's his issue that is the underlying problem. He doesn't see it this way.

But this isn’t true. It is both of you. He is clearly stating what he wants, “I want you to initiate sex.” And you are telling him no. That is not how a partnership works. You have to keep putting in the effort. Sex is psychological just as much as physical. He wants to be wanted. You don’t like sex if it feels like a chore and neither does he. It is pretty hard to stop a medication when it feels so right in other areas. Is he able to pleasure himself to completion? After being together so long, how are the both of you spicing things up? Toys? Lingerie? Different places? Different positions? You can not blame it all on him. Sorry.

NP. Did you completely miss the initial post? This isn't about a difference in libido or one partner feeling neglected. This is about a man with a medical/substance abuse condition who, instead of getting appropriate help for himself, is blaming his partner for his sexual problems and repeatedly *coercing her into sex that she does not want*. She has tolerate this behavior for 2 years and has finally reached a breaking point. Lingerie? Different positions? A wife is not an f-ing blow up doll. Jesus.

Thank you. You put this into words much better than I could have. Agree 1000%.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Klonipin is linked to anorgasmia. So are some other drugs. Why isn’t he talking to his doctor instead of pestering you? And he needs to quit boozing or at least stop wanting you to bear the consequences.

OP here - wow.. just googled this. Bingo. Thank you. He needs to make some serious decisions as the constant pressure/guilt over sex (aka his dysfunction) is causing serious issues.

NP. You should not feel guilty over this. How ridiculous! Don’t listen to any poster who blames you. You are not a sex machine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he is taking an SSRI (paxil, zoloft, prozac, lexapro, others) then this is 100% a side effect of the medication and it is not fair to be angry over it. Depends how much he needs it and how much good it is doing him but if it is and SSRI and having this huge of an effect on our sex life and marriage he needs to lower the dose or switch medications or switch medication classes.

thx, he takes clonazepam and a daily anxiety med. He refuses to stop taking either

Plus alcohol abuse. He has mental illness and probably a personally disorder. I’d leave him.

Something to strongly consider, Op. he is getting worse, not better. Are there no kids or grown kids? Reinvigorate your friend network and get out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell him “your orgasim is not my responsibility.”

Bingo! This is so true, minus the terrible spelling.

[Anonymous]

This man is an alcoholic, depressed, mess who pesters you for sex and then can't come? What value is he adding to your life? I'd leave him so fast.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you despised him already and this is just bringing it to a head.

After two years of his constant complaining about me not wanting sex (after trying and trying with no "end" in sight), yes - I do despise him. So tired of getting the finger pointed at me when ultimately it's his issue that is the underlying problem. He doesn't see it this way.

But this isn’t true. It is both of you. He is clearly stating what he wants, “I want you to initiate sex.” And you are telling him no. That is not how a partnership works. You have to keep putting in the effort. Sex is psychological just as much as physical. He wants to be wanted. You don’t like sex if it feels like a chore and neither does he. It is pretty hard to stop a medication when it feels so right in other areas. Is he able to pleasure himself to completion? After being together so long, how are the both of you spicing things up? Toys? Lingerie? Different places? Different positions? You can not blame it all on him. Sorry.

NP. Did you completely miss the initial post? This isn't about a difference in libido or one partner feeling neglected. This is about a man with a medical/substance abuse condition who, instead of getting appropriate help for himself, is blaming his partner for his sexual problems and repeatedly *coercing her into sex that she does not want*. She has tolerate this behavior for 2 years and has finally reached a breaking point. Lingerie? Different positions? A wife is not an f-ing blow up doll. Jesus.

Thank you. You put this into words much better than I could have. Agree 1000%.

+1000%

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He sounds like a hornet teenager. So gross. It feels predatory to be honest. I would have sleeping next to someone who just sees me as a vessel to get off.

This is EXACTLY how I feel. He reminds me of a horny teenager that constantly has sex on his mind. He is always grabbing my breasts just in passing. I get out of bed early in the morning to avoid being forced. He will text me to come back to bed, then get pissed when I don't. To the other poster asking about bjs, etc, no- if he drank alcohol on top of his meds, nothing will work. It's exhausting and disgusting at this point.