GRR - Husband unable to "get relief" when having sex, becoming a huge problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He wants it all - orgasm, alcohol and meds. I would have told him to go to you know where long ago. He can turn to porn and blame porn not doing it for him. He is probably numb as hell, but still wants it.

I am 90% sure he's also turning to porn. But regardless, I don't think anything is "working" for him. He really should let go of wanting sex so much since it's not providing any relief, and I'm clearly OK without it since it's not enjoyable anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you despised him already and this is just bringing it to a head.

After two years of his constant complaining about me not wanting sex (after trying and trying with no "end" in sight), yes - I do despise him. So tired of getting the finger pointed at me when ultimately it's his issue that is the underlying problem. He doesn't see it this way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you despised him already and this is just bringing it to a head.

After two years of his constant complaining about me not wanting sex (after trying and trying with no "end" in sight), yes - I do despise him. So tired of getting the finger pointed at me when ultimately it's his issue that is the underlying problem. He doesn't see it this way.

But this isn’t true. It is both of you. He is clearly stating what he wants, “I want you to initiate sex.” And you are telling him no. That is not how a partnership works. You have to keep putting in the effort. Sex is psychological just as much as physical. He wants to be wanted. You don’t like sex if it feels like a chore and neither does he. It is pretty hard to stop a medication when it feels so right in other areas. Is he able to pleasure himself to completion? After being together so long, how are the both of you spicing things up? Toys? Lingerie? Different places? Different positions? You can not blame it all on him. Sorry.

[Anonymous]

op, how is his erection strength if he is on SSRIs?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you despised him already and this is just bringing it to a head.

After two years of his constant complaining about me not wanting sex (after trying and trying with no "end" in sight), yes - I do despise him. So tired of getting the finger pointed at me when ultimately it's his issue that is the underlying problem. He doesn't see it this way.

But this isn’t true. It is both of you. He is clearly stating what he wants, “I want you to initiate sex.” And you are telling him no. That is not how a partnership works. You have to keep putting in the effort. Sex is psychological just as much as physical. He wants to be wanted. You don’t like sex if it feels like a chore and neither does he. It is pretty hard to stop a medication when it feels so right in other areas. Is he able to pleasure himself to completion? After being together so long, how are the both of you spicing things up? Toys? Lingerie? Different places? Different positions? You can not blame it all on him. Sorry.

Medication is a valid reason. Booze is not. I wouldn’t have respect for someone who behaved like this either.

[Anonymous]

Klonipin is linked to anorgasmia. So are some other drugs. Why isn’t he talking to his doctor instead of pestering you? And he needs to quit boozing or at least stop wanting you to bear the consequences.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Klonipin is linked to anorgasmia. So are some other drugs. Why isn’t he talking to his doctor instead of pestering you? And he needs to quit boozing or at least stop wanting you to bear the consequences.

OP here - wow.. just googled this. Bingo. Thank you. He needs to make some serious decisions as the constant pressure/guilt over sex (aka his dysfunction) is causing serious issues.

[Anonymous]

I think it sucks that’s he’s putting the blame on you. He’s probably in denial about his meds. But the onus should not be on you to solve this 100%. Plenty of mental health medications interfere with achieve a climax.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For the past two years, (basically since early covid), my husband has had trouble with sex. I am pretty sure it's a combination of medication and he's drinking more than he's used to, which leads to problems for him actually getting relief from sex (org.).

90% of the time we have sex, he's not satisfied. He wants it constantly because he cannot get relief. We are in our late 40s, married 17 years with two kids, 11 & 14. Sex is such a chore at this point, and I can't even stand being in bed with him anymore because he's constantly begging for it. When we have sex, it doesn't "count" for him, so he's never satisfied. My libido is not what it used to be, so this added problem makes it worse.

I've told him to talk to his Dr and his Dr just said it's because of his medication. I am at a loss as this is making me despise him and I have zero interest in being with him anymore. He always complains that he needs to "beg for it". Because even if it happens 2/3 times/week, it is not giving him what he needs so I have no desire. I'm at the point of telling him to find it elsewhere because I can't take it anymore.

Has anyone else had a situation like this? any tips on how to resolve other than telling him to fend for himself??

So at best you all have sex 2-3 times a week? I wouldn't call 2-3 times a week wanting it "constantly."

[Anonymous]

Tell him “your orgasim is not my responsibility.”

[Anonymous]

Does a BJ or HJ or mastrubating “give relief?”

He needs to talk to a better doctor or specialist

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he is taking an SSRI (paxil, zoloft, prozac, lexapro, others) then this is 100% a side effect of the medication and it is not fair to be angry over it. Depends how much he needs it and how much good it is doing him but if it is and SSRI and having this huge of an effect on our sex life and marriage he needs to lower the dose or switch medications or switch medication classes.

thx, he takes clonazepam and a daily anxiety med. He refuses to stop taking either

Uh, psycho. He probably needs them. Do you care about his mental health?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he is taking an SSRI (paxil, zoloft, prozac, lexapro, others) then this is 100% a side effect of the medication and it is not fair to be angry over it. Depends how much he needs it and how much good it is doing him but if it is and SSRI and having this huge of an effect on our sex life and marriage he needs to lower the dose or switch medications or switch medication classes.

thx, he takes clonazepam and a daily anxiety med. He refuses to stop taking either

Plus alcohol abuse. He has mental illness and probably a personally disorder. I’d leave him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you despised him already and this is just bringing it to a head.

After two years of his constant complaining about me not wanting sex (after trying and trying with no "end" in sight), yes - I do despise him. So tired of getting the finger pointed at me when ultimately it's his issue that is the underlying problem. He doesn't see it this way.

But this isn’t true. It is both of you. He is clearly stating what he wants, “I want you to initiate sex.” And you are telling him no. That is not how a partnership works. You have to keep putting in the effort. Sex is psychological just as much as physical. He wants to be wanted. You don’t like sex if it feels like a chore and neither does he. It is pretty hard to stop a medication when it feels so right in other areas. Is he able to pleasure himself to completion? After being together so long, how are the both of you spicing things up? Toys? Lingerie? Different places? Different positions? You can not blame it all on him. Sorry.

NP. Did you completely miss the initial post? This isn't about a difference in libido or one partner feeling neglected. This is about a man with a medical/substance abuse condition who, instead of getting appropriate help for himself, is blaming his partner for his sexual problems and repeatedly *coercing her into sex that she does not want*. She has tolerate this behavior for 2 years and has finally reached a breaking point. Lingerie? Different positions? A wife is not an f-ing blow up doll. Jesus.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you despised him already and this is just bringing it to a head.

After two years of his constant complaining about me not wanting sex (after trying and trying with no "end" in sight), yes - I do despise him. So tired of getting the finger pointed at me when ultimately it's his issue that is the underlying problem. He doesn't see it this way.

But this isn’t true. It is both of you. He is clearly stating what he wants, “I want you to initiate sex.” And you are telling him no. That is not how a partnership works. You have to keep putting in the effort. Sex is psychological just as much as physical. He wants to be wanted. You don’t like sex if it feels like a chore and neither does he. It is pretty hard to stop a medication when it feels so right in other areas. Is he able to pleasure himself to completion? After being together so long, how are the both of you spicing things up? Toys? Lingerie? Different places? Different positions? You can not blame it all on him. Sorry.

NP. Did you completely miss the initial post? This isn't about a difference in libido or one partner feeling neglected. This is about a man with a medical/substance abuse condition who, instead of getting appropriate help for himself, is blaming his partner for his sexual problems and repeatedly *coercing her into sex that she does not want*. She has tolerate this behavior for 2 years and has finally reached a breaking point. Lingerie? Different positions? A wife is not an f-ing blow up doll. Jesus.

Just an aside:

- it is really offensive for you to end your post the way you did. Do you seriously have so little regard for other people?