I love my family of origin (parents, brother) but their conservative views make it hard

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am done and letting go of any feeling of obligation toward these people in our extended family. They aren’t particularly enjoyable to be around. We’re happy to spend our vacation doing enjoyable things and not waste time and money traveling to undesirable places. We’re no longer going to play free bed and breakfast if they come to town. No more hosting them, cooking for them, or helping financially. They can ask God to cook them a turkey, give them free lodging and loan/gift them money. We’re out.

LOL, "cook" a turkey. No one wants a "cooked" turkey. Fried or smoked - and you know NO liberal actually knows how to do either. Besides, who are you kidding? You were hunkered down and avoiding all social interactions for the past 2 years. Enjoy another lonely set of holidays where its just you, DH and the kids. How fun.

DP. if you can't have fun or enjoy a holiday with your DH and kids then I think that's sad. If you need more people around than your husband and kids not to be lonely then wow, I really am sorry.

If you have a great family who enjoy each other then yes it will be fun having holidays with them however if your family is not nice to each other then no, having them around is not fun and is more lonely and hurtful. Perhaps some friends can be invited if this poster feels they may want more of a party atmosphere or perhaps it's lovely that they enjoy each other.

[Anonymous]

I’m in this position and the bottom line is I no longer respect them. It makes sincere relationships nearly impossible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am done and letting go of any feeling of obligation toward these people in our extended family. They aren’t particularly enjoyable to be around. We’re happy to spend our vacation doing enjoyable things and not waste time and money traveling to undesirable places. We’re no longer going to play free bed and breakfast if they come to town. No more hosting them, cooking for them, or helping financially. They can ask God to cook them a turkey, give them free lodging and loan/gift them money. We’re out.

LOL, "cook" a turkey. No one wants a "cooked" turkey. Fried or smoked - and you know NO liberal actually knows how to do either. Besides, who are you kidding? You were hunkered down and avoiding all social interactions for the past 2 years. Enjoy another lonely set of holidays where its just you, DH and the kids. How fun.

Redneck alert! Do you even know how to use silverware?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am done and letting go of any feeling of obligation toward these people in our extended family. They aren’t particularly enjoyable to be around. We’re happy to spend our vacation doing enjoyable things and not waste time and money traveling to undesirable places. We’re no longer going to play free bed and breakfast if they come to town. No more hosting them, cooking for them, or helping financially. They can ask God to cook them a turkey, give them free lodging and loan/gift them money. We’re out.

LOL, "cook" a turkey. No one wants a "cooked" turkey. Fried or smoked - and you know NO liberal actually knows how to do either. Besides, who are you kidding? You were hunkered down and avoiding all social interactions for the past 2 years. Enjoy another lonely set of holidays where its just you, DH and the kids. How fun.

Wow. You’re very insecure and desperate. I’m sad for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Time to distance if people can't talk about neutral things, OP, either you or someone else.

So it's not about being neutral in conversation. We've perfected that art in the last 5 years for sure. It's more about handling my deep resentment.

Ditch them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am done and letting go of any feeling of obligation toward these people in our extended family. They aren’t particularly enjoyable to be around. We’re happy to spend our vacation doing enjoyable things and not waste time and money traveling to undesirable places. We’re no longer going to play free bed and breakfast if they come to town. No more hosting them, cooking for them, or helping financially. They can ask God to cook them a turkey, give them free lodging and loan/gift them money. We’re out.

LOL, "cook" a turkey. No one wants a "cooked" turkey. Fried or smoked - and you know NO liberal actually knows how to do either. Besides, who are you kidding? You were hunkered down and avoiding all social interactions for the past 2 years. Enjoy another lonely set of holidays where its just you, DH and the kids. How fun.

Wow. You’re very insecure and desperate. I’m sad for you.

Sounds like they are doing just fine without their rights restricting relatives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m in this position and the bottom line is I no longer respect them. It makes sincere relationships nearly impossible.

Kiss them goodbye.

[Anonymous]

Right there with you, OP. I dealt with it by not talking politics with parents and brother when coming into town for a visit or on a weekly phone call. When they would try to egg me into responding, I wouldn’t so conversation would stop. They didn’t like that so the subject would change and I would start participating again. Now I just talk with my oldest sister about politics and everything but with the others. Works for me to stay connected with family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Title kind of says it all. In years past we could avoid talking about politics, and it was fine. But now things are feeling deeply personal given the overturn of Roe etc. And yes, I saw this coming, I haven't been burying my head in the sand, but wasn't quite prepared for how it would feel. It's also getting tough because I have two girls and they are getting old enough, especially my 14 year old, to become really frustrated with grandparent views.

It's already been strained, and now it feels even harder. Just want to commiserate if anyone else is going through this.

No advice, just commiseration.

I actually never knew my parents' politics and while I knew my in-laws were conservative I was shocked when they became huge Trumpers. My own parents make the excuse that their retirement accounts were up when Trump was in office. My dad tries to share "funny" political posts/memes and is totally bewildered that I can't laugh anymore.

I think everyone has to navigate this in their own way. I have not and will not tell my kids (15 and 11) that they can't express their views, but I do require respect and restraint.

[Anonymous]

It’s just getting hard now?

My parents have always been conservative but the Trump years and the pandemic have polarized things I didn’t even think were political. And they comment on every little thing. They’re also extremely paranoid and negative, so basically my only strategy now is to see them less.

[Anonymous]

Yes, except its the other end of political spectrum. My widowed MIL's grief is now funneled through CNN daytime talking points about how the latest Current Thing is bringing her to tears. Maybe it's a Boomer thing. Hail the all powerful
Glowing Screen!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, except its the other end of political spectrum. My widowed MIL's grief is now funneled through CNN daytime talking points about how the latest Current Thing is bringing her to tears. Maybe it's a Boomer thing. Hail the all powerful
Glowing Screen!

Maybe she’s lonely. That’s sad and is different. Grief is different than hate.

[Anonymous]

You never hear conservatives say such things. Yet liberals call themselves tolerant and accepting. I've never seen that

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You never hear conservatives say such things. Yet liberals call themselves tolerant and accepting. I've never seen that

I mean, I guess if you can accept racism, homophobia and shooting kids, you can tolerate anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Time to distance if people can't talk about neutral things, OP, either you or someone else.

So it's not about being neutral in conversation. We've perfected that art in the last 5 years for sure. It's more about handling my deep resentment.

I think it’s a shame that people get so emotionally tied up and resentful, they let it interfere with relationships and keep them from listening to each other. Just because you think you’re a good person who believes a certain way doesn’t mean that somebody who disagrees with you is bad. They may be just as well meaning as you, and just as logical as you, but be starting from a different set of assumptions.

Pro-lifers don’t hate women any more than pro-choice people hate babies. The two sides may disagree on when the baby becomes a baby, but both sides are sincerely following their consciences and fighting to help others.

They may be wrong on this issue, and most other issues you disagree on. Parties aren’t monoliths, however (think of how hard it was for the Democrats to agree to support Biden’s initiatives). If you could talk to your relatives with mutual respect, without letting emotions turn both sides defensive, you might find that there are some areas where they disagree with their party and agree with you (or vice versa).

Finally, in talking with people who have opposing views, it helps to remember that nobody is correct 100% of the time. While I am utterly convinced my stance on any given issue is correct (otherwise it wouldn’t be my position), and maybe that particular position may objectively be “correct”, at some point, not being divinely omniscient, views that I am convinced are right will be utterly wrong. Moreover, life is messy and nuanced. Rarely is there one right answer and one wrong answer. There may be only a bunch of wrong answers and the best you can do is try to agree on one that will do the least damage. More commonly, each option will have done pros and some cons and it cones down to judgement calls that well-meaning people may sincerely disagree on. If you can both listen to the other side and acknowledge the barest possibility that your position on the topic under discussion could be flawed, there is the chance that you might learn something to adapt your position or give them something to consider about their viewpoint. At the very least, you can understand their position better, and as long as you can mutually respect the other side’s right to be wrong (knowing that at some point, they’ll be right and you’ll be wrong), there doesn’t need to be resentment.

Posts like yours bother me the most nowadays. I’m not going to both sides it when human rights are at stake. When the first president in American history tried to overthrow an election.

Your idea about coming together to talk if both parties agreed climate change was an issue, but we differed on how to approach it. But, no I’m not going to have a rational conversation with someone who denies there is a problem. Insert most issues here.

Re family, we have asked our brother over and over again to stop with the politics. He continually berates us as stupid for listening to mainstream news, will send mean texts to our mom (she shared good news and he sent a meme with trump thumbs up), told everyone he thought I was endangering my kid for sending him to college, and barrages us with racist, hateful posts. So, now I’m not talking to him. Just about everyone I know in DC has a divided family with some contention.